Single and Struggling Forum - Being Single Stinks! Why Is It Hard to Get a Gf?

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Q: Being Single Stinks! Why Is It Hard to Get a Gf?

asked by: iwishiknew on August 19th, 2006

New User

Why is getting a gf so hard to get?

I am 28 yrs old, living in the suburbs of chicago and still today I haven’t had a girlfriend and still haven’t had my first kiss. I never even had a friend that was a girl. Females don’t find any attraction in me at all or never have any interest in me or never given me a chance. I don’t know why but I wish I knew.

Since last year I have been out with a few girls only once and never been able to go out with them again. They just lost interest in me. I call them they don’t pick up or I leave a message and they don’t respond back to. That tells me that they are not interested in me so I give up on them. When I went out with them, I thought they had a good time. We had good food, talked, and laughed then after that never was able to go out with them again. I also got ditched a few times when I went out with a few girls, which really hurt. When I went out with this one girl to the movies, she was really nice and we had many things in common and I though we will have a good time. After the movie started she told me she’s going to get some popcorn and after time went by like 20 mins, I was wondering what’s taking so long? Then my phone vibrated and I got a text message saying “sorry, I didn’t know you were that short” I just felt sick after that. I don’t get why in life it’s so hard to get a gf? In the movie and tv shows you see guys getting girls so easy and girls smiling and approaching guys, what can’t this happen to me in my life?

I am very honest, caring, fun loving, sweet, active and very out going person; I am not lazy at all! I am in good physical shape. I can run the mile under 5 minutes and I workout everyday. I play sports; the main sport I play is ice hockey. I would think being in good shape and working out everyday and even playing hockey would at least attract one female and find me somewhat interesting but it hasn’t. I have been running and playing hockey since I was small and no females every approach me or at least say a comment to me of my progress especially if I win many big games.

I do go out; I don’t sit in the house all day. I do go stores, book stores, restaurants and places to get food, car shows, and the park. I am not a big bar person or club person at all, just never was. I do go once in awhile but not a lot. I can’t stand the smoke! It makes my eyes itchy and red. If it wasn’t for the smoke it would be so awesome. Also I am not too much into drinking but I do drink once in awhile but not a lot. I have heard many people having success with online dating so I tried several online dating websites and I usually get no responses back. I got a few responses but somewhere fake profiles and a few asked a few questions and I responded back and never heard back again. Some of these dating sites my profile has been viewed over 1000 times and no responses or emails back from any females. In my opinion that’s alot of views! Now I am trying craigslist personals, but no luck yet. I find so many females with a perfect match of interests as me, if I find a female with the same interests in me I respond and I introduce my self, I tell what I enjoy doing my interests and just simple stuff like that. And I send it with my picture and no response back. It’s so hard to believe that no females out of a thousand who viewed my profile has no interest in me at all. I don’t understand? I am also on hotornot and my rating is below average, it’s a 4.5, even on that website I can’t get any responses or doublematches. I am also on myspace and I have over 100 girls as friends and when I email them many of them don’t respond back to me. I do get some comments but it doesn’t go further as I want to so I can’t at least get to know them. I have notice many times if I see a girl walking like in a store or anywhere and I try to make eye contact and smile they always never look me into the eye, they just put there head down and just walk away without looking at me, this I really have notice alot happening. I really think my problem of why I never had a gf yet is my height and looks. I have been told many times by girls why they don’t want to go out with me, many said I am to short and I have no physical attraction. I have read so many online profiles and majority of the women wants a man who’s 5’8 or taller. I have gotten a few responses from girls before saying “oh I am kinda tall” “you kinda short”, and I respond back saying you being tall doesn’t bother me at all. I know that height matters! Also a girl wants a handsome guy that she find attractive. I do have confidence in myself, I like the way I am but females don’t find any attraction or interest in me at all.

This who situation of me never having a gf or kissing a girl really puts an impact on me every single day that I never had any experience, having fun or a relationship with a girl. I have always wanted a gf since I was a teen. I remember when I was a teen and never having a gf didn’t bother me at all because I was still young. Today since I turned 28 in may it just hurts and I am almost 30 and sometimes I just think that I will be single for ever and never be able to share my life with a female. I don’t want to think that way but the days and years are going by fast and I am getting older each year. Every single day when I wake up it’s always in my mind and doesn’t go away. Thinking about girls and having a gf being able to go out and have a good time and being able to talk everyday to each other. It’s so hard not to think about it everyday. It sometimes affects me at work by not concentrating and thinking “i can’t believe I am 28 yrs old and never had a gf or kissed a girl yet” or hearing guys talking about their girlfriends. Or going out anywhere especially to the movies and seeing guys with their gf. I have heard so many times before “don’t look for them, they will come to you” like when? Still today I never been approach by a girl.

Sometimes I ask myself what does it take for me to get a gf? I don’t get it at all! I am nice person who’s, caring, outgoing, fun, sweet, honest, loving, active, athletic, good physical shape, so why can’t I get a gf? The 3 important key things, which I believe why I never had a gf yet and reason why girls never find me attractive, never want to get to know me or never give me a chance and losing interest in me is. 1. Height ( I am 5’5) 2. Looks (my looks are somewhat average) 3. My voice, I have been hanged up on the phone many times before. To me what I have been through and seen many times its all based on looks and appearance, and height. The first impression a girls sees is what you look like, if shes doesn’t like the way you look you won’t get a chance, happened to me so many times. I don’t reply for hot models, because I know they won’t respond to me, I like average girls who enjoys the same interests as me.

I wish I knew the problem so I can change so I can get a gf or so that girls find me interesting. I can’t change my height, my voice or looks. I have tried different hair styles except shaving my head bald. I do dress neat a normal. I am clean all the time, I bathe everyday and brush my teeth after I eat. And I use cologne, bod man all the time. I do go out, stores, parks, etc.

Is it possible that I could be single for the rest of my life? Was I born to be single forever? It seems like it to me, I don’t want think it that way, but the way things have been happening and having no gf since my teenage years and now being in my late 20’s and almost 30 yrs old and still nothing at all. It’s just a weird being 28 and never having a gf, to me it feels like that I am missing a big part of my life and my manhood. I just can’t beat the odds!! I wish I can beat the odds but its so dam hard!

I wish I could experience what its like to have a gf and to have someone that cares about you and knowing you have someone to talk to and have a goodtime with. I would give up anything just to have a gf, I would give up my pride and joy my 90 mustang gt, which I like so much and put some much into that car.

Any suggestions what I can do or change? If you were in my shoes, what would you do? What do you think my problem is? Why can’t I get a gf? Why don’t girls find me interesting? Why haven’t I ever been approached by a girl or even kissed a girl?

Last edited by iwishiknew on October 9th, 2006 11:33 PM; edited 1 time in total

Replies(17)

Spirit

replied on August 20th, 2006

Experienced User

Oh c*ap, that's a toughie.................You sound good to me....Maybe a tad desparate.......But considering you've never had a gf, that's probably understandable.
5.5 ain't bad, i'm 5.6 and definitely won't discount someone for a lousy 1 in.......But I know how some women are?!...Guess you tried poofing up the hair and shoes with a little height?
As for the voice that can be changed too.................I'm a sucker for those deep low sexy voices...............But really how much you got to change and still be yourself?

Although I agree that you probably can find a gf anywhere.....Most people find long lasting relationships from the traditional places such as work, school and even church. In these places you and potential gf have had time to really get to know each other.....................I would put my eyes down and ignore you too in public as i'm not interested in getting picked up by a total stranger.

Also try pumping up your "profile":
"i hope this message brings a warm welcome to your face, and gives us the opportunity to get to know each other."................
"single: ambitious, confident, loyal, honest, passionate, romantic, supportive, down to earth with a good sense of humour...............(your info, dreams, goals etc.)..................
..............I'm hoping to find a fulfilling long-lasting relationship with an ambitious, healthy, intelligent, attractive woman, loyal to her values and to those who value her. A woman of action, with a good heart and sense of humour. Strive to make things happen! Not sit and wait for things to appear out of nowhere. Let me take you where no man has gone with you before.
I leave you with these thoughts. Let's make a trade? A little piece of me for a little piece of you. Genunine friendship that can never be measured, this I promise you.
Age/race unimportant"

say what's in your heart iwishiknew..............Cause if you don't, you may get the girl.............But she'll probably be a dud. :)

raziel1687

replied on August 22nd, 2006

New User

You need to give me your myspace so I can see exactly what you look like and how you present yourself so I can see what exactly is wrong with you. One thing that I can see already, that you talk too much lol that's a really long post and you were repetitive quite a few times. I've heard that guys who have sex more produce more pheromones which makes them more attractive. So maybe it's the fact that you produce like zero pheromones so therefore noone finds you attractive. Cuz it's really all about attraction otherwise there would be no point in them getting with you if they weren't attracted to you. You should try making friends that are girls first, and not just dating them first when you just meet them.

endlessnameless

replied on August 22nd, 2006

New User

Hey, well let me tell you about the height thing, doesn't matter. Because i'm 31 and in the exact same vote as you. No girlfriend, no sex, no love, still a damn virgin. Somebody send me some rope. I happen to be over 6 feet tall and I still can't get no one. But then again i'm a skinny tall redhead guy so not exactly in demand. It hurts a lot more when you get to 30, I feel completely helpless and I can't even fake being happy now.

That girl that did that to you in the movies is heartless. I have similiar experiences too. I tried online dating and met 2 girls. The first girl I tried to go out with stood me up 3 times. Never met her in person. The next girl stood me up 2 times. Never met her. 5 times in a row. I don't try a lot to pick up girls because its so scary, its not fun for me. I might get the guts once every few years but always get put down, usually not as harsh as that girl did to you. I always get hit with the boyfriend bomb, and now since i'm older, the married bomb.

I also have a myspace, of course in that I manage to make myself look like an average person but guess how many hits I got in over a year. 125 hits. And who knows how many of those are mine. Sometimes I get a message and 99 percent of the time its spam. I am careful who I pick to send a message to and don't do it very often. And I can't just send someone a message saying, hey you're hot, something they hear all the time, I would rather not send a typical message which mostly ends up getting me to the friend category. And I won't stand for that, I refuse to be a listener to some girl who wants to dump on their boyfriend to me.

But at least you got a car and sound successful. I got fired from my job, had to move back with my parents, have no money and now no forseeable future. So now in order for me to even think about getting a girlfriend, I need a job, a car and my own place. You know how long that will take. A good year pending on how crappy the car is and if I pick to live in a closet somewhere.

So trust me, you not alone in being in this situation.

Spirit

replied on August 23rd, 2006

Experienced User

In your situation, i'd be more concerned about getting my life back on track than getting a girlfriend. Many people define themselves by their jobs and once that is gone by retirement, job loss, demotion etc they become lost. Get back on the workhorse.......You'll feel better for it.....And you don't want to have to explain a large unemployment gap on your resume. Also that's what parents are for..................The rough times......As long as it's tolerable, stay as long as you need to, to get back on your feet......................
As for the car......My car's newer than my beaus and I get paid more than him.....................So we ain't all about material things, ok?

As for the girlfriend thing............................One thing i've noticed as men get older at least in the person to person thing...........Is that they are so gun shy that they basically wait for the girl to come to them..............I can't speak for other women but that's a big .N.O-.N.O for me................

.......You mean to tell me after all these years......You still can't talk to a woman?!? What are we?..............Aliens? :)

endlessnameless

replied on August 25th, 2006

New User

spirit wrote:

in your situation, i'd be more concerned about getting my life back on track than getting a girlfriend. Many people define themselves by their jobs and once that is gone by retirement, job loss, demotion etc they become lost. Get back on the workhorse.......You'll feel better for it.....And you don't want to have to explain a large unemployment gap on your resume. Also that's what parents are for..................The rough times......As long as it's tolerable, stay as long as you need to, to get back on your feet......................

As for the car......My car's newer than my beaus and I get paid more than him.....................So we ain't all about material things, ok?

As for the girlfriend thing............................One thing i've noticed as men get older at least in the person to person thing...........Is that they are so gun shy that they basically wait for the girl to come to them..............I can't speak for other women but that's a big .N.O-.N.O for me................

.......You mean to tell me after all these years......You still can't talk to a woman?!? What are we?..............Aliens? :)

well of course you do not understand, you have not lived in my shoes and that of people like me. Its so simple to you isn't it. Why don't you try living the next 30 years of your life without any love or affection. Tell me how it effects you. How long do we live anyways. Losing 30 years is a big portion isn't it.

And yes, I cannot talk to women after all these years. I can talk to women sure, but to get to the next level, that I can't do. Like that 40 year old virgin movie says, I think I have put the women on a pedestal that is unattainable by me.

And I don't think having, a place of your own and your own car and a job makes you materialistic. I can't afford to be materialistic and people that usually say they aren't materialistic are people that can't afford to be materialistic.

And with my job, well even when I had a okay job I couldn't hide how sad I felt sometimes when I worked and got to wonder if that had been a reason why I got fired in the first place. So it seems like a catch 22. I need a girlfriend to be happy and excel at my job and to feel like an actual human being and also I need a job to be able to have a girlfriend to take her out, to be independant, to have a car and money and all of that. So without a job I can't get a girlfriend and with a job without a girlfriend i'm so sad that it effects my job performance and I get fired.

Damn you lucky no namers that don't have to deal with this. Sucks to be and ugly health questions don't it.

Spirit

replied on August 25th, 2006

Experienced User

Your right, I don't understand..................I don't understand how someone can think so lowly of themselves that they think they can not possibly be worthy of a human connection. I don't understand how people think that it's all about looks and how much dough you have in your bank account. And I don't understand how people can say all women want is a man who has looks, a fancy car and who must be taller then them.

For me................Not important...................What's important is how someone makes me feel about myself.......Am I happy around this person?Or do they bring me down?

In this day and age, anyone can be materialistic.....................It's called a credit card............................I call myself "futuristic"....Always looking ahead.

I agree that you probably could "really" use a girlfriend..........Depression studies have shown that a person that is "married" or "attached" in some way has shown improvement. But my suggestion is, to correct everything correctable first and then worry about the unattainable(in your mind only I believe).

Whether you realize it or not ................You have put up walls, because of all the hurt and lonliness..........Maybe unintentionally but people can sense it.....

And I don't give a ! What anyone says..............I .D.O. .N.O.T believe your ugly!!!!!!!!!!!!

mflair2000

replied on September 10th, 2006

New User

Wow, it seems like you are putting alot of pressure on yourself..In my opinion, take some of that $$$ you have saved and and book an hour with a really hot "service provider" (escort) and get over the whole first time...With that weight off your shoulders you might look at things from a new perspective and not get so frustrated

some might take offense to the above; but I was in the exactly the same position you were in @ 25..And it ended up helping me a great deal

then improve your inner game, maybe read some of david deangelo's work to find out what you might be doing wrong.

sandyallen

replied on September 10th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

You need to start learning to like yourself more and get rid of the short-male complex. There is someone out there for you don't let some of these women get you down that want to go after different types of guys, it is there lost, hold your head high!

The Godly One

replied on September 11th, 2006

Experienced User

Some men are naturals, unfortunately, you are not. So I will put the answer on a plate for you:

1)study the science of attraction.

2)practice it.

3)master it.

You will get all the sex and affection you want.

Easy.

johngamefreak

replied on September 14th, 2006

New User

Yea I hear u man im single too im 26 years old im male but its horrible aint it when u cant get a girlfriend I just feel like there is something wrong with me coz girls wont go out with me ive been told im good lookin aswell but I cant get a girl to go out wiv me ive had sex loads of times but ive only ever had 2 girlfriends before anyway just keep trying you will get there soon and I wish u good luck with your quest try to stay positive bye bye

nightangel73

replied on September 15th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

johngamefreak wrote:

yea I hear u man im single too im 26 years old im male but its horrible aint it when u cant get a girlfriend I just feel like there is something wrong with me coz girls wont go out with me ive been told im good lookin aswell but I cant get a girl to go out wiv me ive had sex loads of times but ive only ever had 2 girlfriends before anyway just keep trying you will get there soon and I wish u good luck with your quest try to stay positive bye bye

if you are good looking and you can't get a girl something is wrong with your personality. I once dated a guy who was gorgeous but was so dumb I stopped dating him.

DaManIam

replied on September 15th, 2006

New User

Confidence

It all comes down to confidence.

Ever see an ugly guy with a hot chick? Of course you have....Confidence.

Ever see a short guy with a hot chick? Of course you have....Confidence.

As for the readhead ......Yes, most girls dont dig the red hair. But the ones how do, you got em!

Being smooth with girls is learned behavior. Yes some guys just have it but most develop it. The more you expose yourself to conversions with women the better you'll get. It all comes down to comfort.

You only live once. Talk to as many women as you can. Even if it's just a chit-chat with the clerk at the corner store while buying a gatorade.

you care too much
- the less you care the more they will. Fact!
- stop being so serious. Women want to have fun. Chill out!
- dont show all your cards....They'll have the upper hand.

Befriend girls. The easiest way to meet girls is when you in their circle of friends. So when you meet a girl who doesn't interest you or visa versa, don't break off communications, she's you link to more girls.

Btw....It's so much easier to pick up when you're out would both girls and guys. When other girls see you're out with both...Their guard drops. It's instant cred. That way you're not just a bunch of guys gauking at women.

The Godly One

replied on September 24th, 2006

Experienced User

nightangel73 wrote:

johngamefreak wrote:

if you are good looking and you can't get a girl something is wrong with your personality. I once dated a guy who was gorgeous but was so dumb I stopped dating him.

you use the word personality. This suggests that one must have a "good" personality to bag women. Understandable - many break attraction down into personality and appearance.

I don't break it down at all. If I decide that my goal on a certain night is to bag (and I don't mean tea bag Cool

) many women, I simply say "psychology my friend".

Sometimes, having something "wrong" with your personality can play to your advantage. An arrogant scum bag - an ugly arrogant scum bag, can be a player. There are plenty of this type around who achieve success.

Now, let me be clear on this. Am I suggesting that to be successful with the ladies means having to play the arrogant scum bag act? No. Hell no! I am merely giving an example of a playing style, because it works for many men.

Why is this?

If you are arrogant, you tend to place yourself above women. Think of yourself in this light enough, and you will start to believe it. If you start to believe without question, it will become you.

And hence, you are above women. Women like to reach for something that appears to be above them in this context.

An illusion at work? Perhaps. Magic!

But the point is, if you need affection, you've got it. If you need a lot of sex (who doesn't!), you've got it.

So don't put too much stock in having a great personality if having one doesn't quite cut it for you.

Simon_New_Zealand_01

replied on November 7th, 2006

New User

It's Not Hard to Get a Girl-friend.

I can't get one either, but I have a few mates who have a different girl-friend everytime I visit them. They have a smart-arse mouth, tonnes of self-confidence, a quick witted reply and a cheeky smile, and let me tell you, they get all the girls. One guy I know, had a chick jump in his bed when we were drinking and was waiting for him to go and medical question her, but he didn't want to, he said she was "dirt". But I thought she was hot. It's not that girls won't hook-up with guys. It's more to do with who you are, if a chick likes you, you won't have any problems, but if you're not one of these lucky guys (say 20% of the population) with "the goods", i.E. The personality, then your love life will be quiet like mine.

Mike55520

replied on November 12th, 2006

New User

Height does not matter, my brother, at 37, is only 5.4. He also has 5 kids, from 3 different women, dude, I hate to sound harsh, but your hight,your looks, they dont mean anything to most women, of course you need to be respectable looking, have good hygiene, your problem isnt your looks, its in how you approach it, maybe your trying to move along too fast with them, maybe your jumping the gun and trying to get a little too affectionate a little too early, dont be in a rush for that first kiss,grope,medical question, or hug because I garuntee you you will not see them again if you do. Spend a lot of time with them before even thinking about these, and dont pick someone up simply because you want sex, you will never find someone that way. Remember, it should never be about anything but making each otherh appy. You start with talking. Learn about each others likes and dislikes, become friends, go on a few dates, spend some time together, and if all goes well ask her to go steady,if she agrees
thats great. If not, dont be a jerk about it, maybe she just isnt ready for a relation ship, but if she says yes, dont get over ambitios and immediately go for her pants, not only will she smack the snot out of you, but youll prolly wreck your chances of a serious relationship, some women will allow you some fun in wonderland, but some would like to wait a while, some even until marriage. Remember sex is an expression of love between two people, its not a status symbol. If you arent getting laid dont get frustrated, if you really really think you need it, take that other persons advice and save up for an escort.I personally dont approve of prostitution , but as a guy I do understand the frustration, I havent been intimate with anyone in over a year, which is probably more frustrating than never having done it before.

Some women are just shallow, you need to learn to pick these out of the crowd, if you have self confidence issues, dont go for these no matter how attractive you find them.

Its not about looks, its about being happy, not to sound harsh, but maybe you should get a date with the less attractive women, if your trying too hard or if your not self confident enough often these women will have the same problem as you, and so will understand you better. Beauty is on the inside, ignore nature, because its wrong in the case of attractiveness.

You are still young dude, dont worry if it doesnt come your way, you just need to figure out what your doing wrong, which from your posts I tend to think your either coming on too strong, or trying to get in her pants too fast.

smileyface

replied on November 20th, 2006

New User

It's not your looks.Some women are just blind to good men.My advice to you be open to every good woman.It doesn't matter where the woman lives,c in the usa,color,size or weight be open to women.

The Godly One

replied on November 21st, 2006

Experienced User

Re: It's Not Hard to Get a Girl-friend.

simon_new_zealand_01 wrote:

i can't get one either, but I have a few mates who have a different girl-friend everytime I visit them. They have a smart-arse mouth, tonnes of self-confidence, a quick witted reply and a cheeky smile, and let me tell you, they get all the girls. One guy I know, had a chick jump in his bed when we were drinking and was waiting for him to go and medical question her, but he didn't want to, he said she was "dirt". But I thought she was hot. It's not that girls won't hook-up with guys. It's more to do with who you are, if a chick likes you, you won't have any problems, but if you're not one of these lucky guys (say 20% of the population) with "the goods", i.E. The personality, then your love life will be quiet like mine.

then become your friends.

Make a model of them.

You will have everything that they have.

Quantum mechanics?

Hardly.

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