Single and Pregnant Forum - Single Mum Already And Now Pregnant

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Q: Single Mum Already And Now Pregnant

asked by: dawn_78 on August 19th, 2006

New User

I am a single mum of 2 already, a 6 yr old and a 5 yr old, and their dad wont bother with them to spit me, and now I just found out I am pregnant, to my last ex, and he is a social worker, I am white and my 2 kids are white, but this child would be mixed as my ex is black, so now I am scared to death and dont know what to do, as now he said he would see the child once born now and then, but wont offer no support in pregnancy, as he now decides we dont get on. So he now has run for hills,. Even though he was trying to talk me into having a child with him when was was him but I said no, but now it happened, he has gone, and he has 3 kids already, a 15 yr old a 13 yr old and a 3 year old, and he is 42. I dont know whether to keep it, as I made my bed I should lie in it so to speak or I should have a adoption.

I am very scared to go through it on my own and dont know how would cope with looks of people or getting called a slag for having white children and a mixed. Please help me

Replies(10)

kissofangel20

replied on August 20th, 2006

Experienced User

Do not ever ever let what others think about you be the decideing factor in what you choose to do...You'll regret it. Having a baby is a very wonderful thing. You have to decide for yourself if your ready to add a 3rd child to the mix and if your not then adoption is a wonderful gift you can give a couple and who will forever be so very grateful. If you'd like to talk more about adoption just pm me and i'll answer your questions the best that I can. But don't rush into anything take time to weigh the pro's and cons and see what feels right to you.

dawn_78

replied on August 20th, 2006

New User

Adoption is definately not a option for me, wouldnt ever consider it. It isnt so much the looking after as think it is hard but we can all do it and have done it 2 times. The main 3 factors why I think I am debating termination is:

1) being lonely and going throu pregnancy on my own
2) the father running for the hills as he has so no support
3) having a mixed race child while I have 2 white children and what people would think of me with no fathers about

dawn_78

replied on August 20th, 2006

New User

Also I dont have no real family support, so it would be 100% on my own, no one to take baby for few hours etc, nothing!! It will be me and kids helping and that is it, and my ex is a social worker but I can tell already he wont be on the scene or no real support, maybe once a week take baby off me and that is it, but I wouldnt hand the baby over like that which would make him not bother aswell

also to help you see my decision is hard, as also my mum died 2 years ago and that is hard to deal with, and also my ex who was with 3 years died 3 wks ago, and that is also on my plate, and freaked me uout a little, the nite b4 I found out I was pregnant I had a dream that I bought my ex back to life by touching his hand then next day find out I am pregnant, it freaked me out, so I got so much to consider in decision

kissofangel20

replied on August 20th, 2006

Experienced User

Ok...So why then would adoption be out of the question. Most couples want an open adoption with the birth parents making an extended family and have them in the childs life. You would know everything about this baby and be able to have contact. I do understand how hard it is to make a choice as what to do when you find out that your preg. Just please don't worry about who is going to say what about you having a mixed baby and no daddies. There are quite a lot of women out there just like you.

dawn_78

replied on August 20th, 2006

New User

Because one of the reasons I am debating abortion is because I dont want to go through the pregnancy alone, so it would be going a step further going through pregnancy and then handing my child over even though I would of gone through the pain of being pregnancy, the lonliness, and people seeing me pregnant, to me he/she would be my blood I would never give up, it is a case of abortion or keep. I couldnt cope with seeing someone else bringing my child up, especially with 2 kids already I think it would be very unfair for me to give a child up when I have 2, for a start that child would think it could of been cause of their colour as my 2 kids I have kept then give up my mixed, definately not, so there is 2 options

natu88

replied on November 8th, 2006

New User

I don't think the race of the child should even be a factor in your considerations. Most people aren't likely to look down upon your child or you, because he/she is mixed, while the other children are mixed. It's becoming more and more accepted in society today to mix races, and a lot of people adopt babies even from other countries and have kids from more than one father because of how common divorce is nowadays.

If anyone said something about your child or judged you, then that's the kind of person that's obviously shallow and their opinion shouldn't matter anyway. You have the right to choose whether or not to terminate the pregnancy, but please don't let the race of your baby be a factor in that decision.

sandyallen

replied on November 8th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

My opinion or suggestion is to do what you feel is the right thing for you to do and their is an an abortion supprt forum here if that would help but most of them would tell you about the same thing, their are a few people that can be rude but you just have to ignore them. I do wish you the best with your decision and you might think about maybe getting some counseling if in doubt.
Good luck to you and yours!

Kia

replied on November 8th, 2006

Moderator

Old post

tim_horton

replied on November 15th, 2006

Experienced User

I know this is an old post. But I just have to say that I am in disbeleif over what I just read. The race of the child is a factor in the decision to abort? Wow.

jethani

replied on January 23rd, 2007

New User

I am a single mum of 2 already, a 6 yr old and a 5 yr old, and their dad wont bother with them to spit me

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