Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum - If I Can Do It Anyone Can

Well it's been almost a month without him and im doin' ok.
I do miss him and it is hard when one of the kids asks "where's my daddy".. All I can say is I don't know.. Because I really don't..
I have met his "new" girlfriend.. I've known her for years and she knows the he has done me and everyone before me. I told her I hope she knows what she's getting into and she seemed not to care..
I did remind her of the ways she has seen herself him do me.. But I guess like us all she thinks "he will change" for her
i guess a few months down the road when she is the one wearing the black eyes or fat lip she will see what I mean.. Then it's too late..
You already feel like you have to stay or it won't happen again. It was something you did to cause it..
When the fact of it is.. It's just the way he is and will always be.
He grew up getting hit and he don't see any wrong in what he does..
Even though he hates his father for what he did done to him as a child.. He thinks it's ok to hit someone if he feels he has a reason..
When the fact of it is there is no "right reason" to do it

i filed the papers it was in the local news paper this week..
I was told thru friends he has said he wasn't going to give me a divorce but like I told them all.. I can wait my one year if I need too.. Just to prove that I am the one that calls the shots now.. And he will never hurt me again
i caught myself crying for the first time yesterday at work.. And i've been thinking ever since.. But I will not back down and go back
i am much happier now
please everyone keep in touch
bein' able to vent online really helps me
thanks everyone

cole

Replies(8)

Spirit

replied on August 14th, 2006

Experienced User

Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.....As our fellow sisters are so fond of saying.........."i can do bad on my own"
let your self cry and all the other emotions that have built up over the years...........You know in your heart and mind your doing the right thing.
And do yourself a favour..........The second a guy raises a hand to you.....Get the h*ll out of there...............They are not all like that but ya got to make sure you don't fall into that trap again. Love and blessings. :)

colecole2033

replied on August 14th, 2006

New User

Thanks

Thanks for replying..
And yes I can do it.. There will be no more men that will ever hit me or even raise there hand to me..

And as far as the men go.. Who needs them ... They are full of drama and pain.. I'm sure sometime down the long road ahead I will find someone that will knock me off my feet.. And I will fall in love again.. But it won't be easy for a man to get in my heart..
The walls are so deep and tall it will take alot.. For that to ever happen..

Fairy Godmother

replied on August 14th, 2006

Supporter

You Go Girlfriend!

I am soooooooooo very proud of you! You are showing a true strong spirited person and in the eyes of your children, this is a good thing. When they are old enough to understand, they will admire and respect you for being strong for yourself and them! As of now, they are young, confussed and do not understand. My parents divorced when I was 5, I had two younger brothers. My father was male prostitute........So were the frist two men I married....So I totally understand. They say 3rd times a charm. I belive in miracles cause I found my charm 11 years ago. T 8) here is someone out there who will appreciate you and your children and give you the love and repsect you deserve! I am just so proud of you for getting that set of ballz and standing up for yourself! You are in control! You have the ball girl so run for the touchdown! Keep us posted!

Spirit

replied on August 15th, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Thanks

colecole2033 wrote:

and as far as the men go.. Who needs them ... They are full of drama and pain..

well, women are full of drama and pain too(big time!!!), unfortunately physically men often have the upper hand. Being a woman, who is often accused of "thinking like a man" (or when my teen daughter gets p*ssed off at me she'll stomp around the house muttering, "your a man" "your a man".......)

............Where your at now, it's probably like a stage, or steps like .A.A.A., where only you can figure out when your ready for the next one..............
...Personally, I forgive practically everyone cause I realize we're all human and we all do and say stupid things...........Including myself........Doesn't mean you have to stay with the dude........I have one rule in life, when I decide whether this or that person stays in my life.....I just ask myself "does he/she make me happy?"
being an outside observer.........I can only say how can he possibly be making you happy?

Good luck sweetie................I hope you stick to your guns. :)

lyndsey2000

replied on August 16th, 2006

New User

I Feel Your Pain!

Hi sis,

i can feel what you are going through right now. I am so proud of you that you can do it. I am married for 2 years now, I regret about it. If I can do it all over again, I would stay single forever. All men are liars. I never see a man who doesn't lie. I know there is exceptions out there, but men should know that their lies hurt us real bad. Well, I hope you will get over everything soon. And good luck!

colecole2033

replied on August 17th, 2006

New User

Thanks So Much

You all have helped me so much thru this all..
I keep hearing "he doesn't want a divorce"
i sent a question to him.. (we have not talked but one time since I left him) and that one time was him telling our 3 year old daughter that she was going to have a step mom..
But that one question was:
all the times you beat me did I ask for it?
No
so now you too are getting something you didn't ask for nor want!!!!!

I hope he enjoys his new life because I know i'm leaving my new on to the fullest..
There are a few guys at work that have asked me out.. I haven't said yes to any of them and one of them is younger than me.
And I do think he's a little cutie.. But like I said he is younger than me..
But like I said I havne't said yes to any of them and they all are understanding about what i've been thru
i've made it clear to them all the way I feel about going out..
They seem to understand that i'm just not ready.
But hey I am human and sometimes you don't think clearly and have needs..
Would it be wrong to go out with someone?

Confussed
cole

lyndsey2000

replied on August 17th, 2006

New User

It's Not Wrong to Go Out With Someone.

I think it is ok to go out with someone, as long as you feel comfortable about it. Take it slowly!

colecole2033

replied on August 17th, 2006

New User

Thank God Someone Agrees

I guess i've been looking for someone to say hey it's ok to go out now..
I don't know.. But he's been asking me to atleast go to lunch with him..
But then there is that "age" thing..
It's no different than me and my (soon to be x) husbands diffence but there is a big one..
8 years but he's not like alot of guys his age..
He has worked to put his self thru school.. Working full time and a full time student.. So he knows about being responable and he's not one of those guys out for a party.. He acts older than I do most of the time
is age a big deal when the female is older than the male?

Messed up in my head big time
cole

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