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Q: Ex Boyfriend Issue
asked by: anony1 on August 9th, 2006
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Hello everyone.


I'm in a relationship, and while it's not really "troubled" or abusive at all, there's one issue that we cannot agree on - her ex.


Firstly, let me state this: she and I are very much in love, and I trust her. I plan on spending my life with her, even though our relationship is only several months old, and she has expressed her desire to do the same with me.


However, recently she's began to chat again with her ex boyfriend. She and he met online five years ago and had an internet relationship. Their relationship progressed and eventually spread physically and sexually (she lost her virginity to him).


So, recently I found out (through her) that she has started role playing with him - on almost a daily basis. She and he both are storywrights and she assures to me that the stories she creates with his characters (they don't actually role play themselves, but characters in a fantasy-based world that she created with him) are non-sexual and are for the sole purpose of story making. She even said she plans on publishing them some day.

Despite this, I have expressed discomfort to her about doing this. I get jealous when I know they are role playing. I asked her to stop finally and she refused. She on numerous occasions has told me that she and he would never work together again, that she loves me, and she only role plays as a creative outlet. Furthermore, because she doesn't see it as a threat to our relationship, she said she won't stop it, and that this is something she will not "budge" on. Still, numerous times i've asked her to stop, until she eventually got angry with me and asked me to drop it.


All of the other aspects of our relationship are normal. We're usually very agreeable and this honestly is the only problem. I haven't spoken about it recently, however when I know she's role playing with him I get angry and jealous. I'm naturally insecure and jealous, and I really don't know what to do.


I don't want to risk getting her angrier at me by bringing this up. I'd just like her to stop. Am I right for being so jealous? Should I confront her about it again? Should I just try and forget about it? I really don't know. Any suggestions would be welcomed.


Thank you for reading. :)
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Crazyness24 replied on August 10th, 2006
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Let me start out by saying your sound like a great guy. The fact that you know already you want to spend your life with her says a lot and she has a great thing with you.

I can understand because like you, I am also insecure. I do trust my boyfriend but im going on 4 years. Truthly, what she is doing is wrong, and if it bothers you that much she should stop. I would explain to her how she would react if you were doing the same thing to another girl.If she lost her virginity to him, she will always have feelings for him. It doesn't mean she loves him but she won't want to completely stop talking to him. I agree, she should respect what you are saying and stop.You do have every right to be jelous.

I can't tell you what to do, but if she is not willing to stop doing this, you need to take matters into your own hands. Don't be affraid to upset her more, she would be upset if it was the other way around. If she doesn't stop you may have to end the relationship, I know its tought because you love her but sometimes you can't do anything else. Don't lower yourself and just accept her roleplaying with him, your too good of a guy for that and you should know that.

I have been on medication and in therapy for my insecurities. You may want to speak to a cousler, it can ruin relationships. Ive ruined many in my life not only love but friendships to. You need to sit down and discuss this with her. Don't give in. Know your too good to accept her doing this with another guy.
Best of luck
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