Medical Questions > Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum

Why Do I Hold On to Things That Hurt?

I think this is a huge problem I have and i'd like to know how to stop because it's troubling my relationship and messing with my mind. I don't know why I hold on to the past. My husband's past. He once had this girl,he almost had sex with and I can't even stand listening to her name and it really hurted me when he told me and we weren't even together. He found out she's a prostitute and they didn't go any further but,i think there's a bit more to that or that's just my jelaousy taking over my thougths.

Recently I was going through my husbands e-mails and I saw a jaw-dropping picture where a girl,that later on he told me it was that same girl I just mentioned, sucking a balloon in his genital..Like if she were sucking his dick. I cheked the date and it was 2004 at by that year,we were together. I talked to him,looking for an explanation and he said that picture was during his freshman week,that they sent that pic to him a year later. Inside I felt he was lying but he swears he's telling the truth and even got mad at me because I don't trust him and that is past. I can't get the picture off my head, and I can't stop imagining the situation and I think that's just sick and gets me really frustrated,sad and I would like to know if this happens to anyone and how do I get over this? Today and don't know why the hell I got into his e-mail to see that pic again!!! I deleted but it just messes up with my mind. I really need opinions,help here please,i hope to see replies.
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replied August 11th, 2006
Experienced User
:wink:
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replied August 11th, 2006
Experienced User
Ok this has gone to far...Try to put yourself in his position, and you were the female and he was a past lover..Wouldnt you want to be forgiving..You cant change the past its just what it is the past, a suggestion would be to do something errotic to your husband...You just have to learn to move on..If he found out about your deepest darkest secrets you done in the past you would be surprised how the roles would change..So in order not to have the tables turn on you forget about it, and give him a little privacy when it comes to email..My husband and I had a big huges argument about an email with one of his coworkers who was a female..And the details in the email rasied question as if he may have something going on..Mind you this female works in another state and has never seen him in her life..They just have work related contact..He tried to comfort her when her boss upset her and I took the whole conversation all wrong and go all worked up over nothing...I learned the hard way that I cannot control him, I forgave him...And we now have a clear understanding on female coworkers..Now I tell you this because I have experienced it..Now granted it took me a couple of days to get over it but I took it out on him in the bedroom..And I was the biggest slut he could've imagined that night....You may have to do the same thing
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replied August 12th, 2006
Hmmmm...
I really like that ide on taking it out on him on the bedroom. Anger turned into erotic? That sounds while. I've really tried to forget,but I found myself thinking about other things and all of a sudden the picture comes into mind and I look so stupid hitting my head and saying to myself,"forget about it" and I know it's going to be really hard because as boyfriends we were together for almost three years and during those three years we still had arguments about this girl because I kept on asking if they had sex and he didn't tell me. I just find it quate impossible to go far and then just stop there,you know? I really want to forget,because I think i'm beeing obssesed with this..I will defenetly try taking it on him when he gets back to pr.
About the e-mail,well I don't know, I just think that in marriage there should be no secrets and that it would just be ok to enter his messenger and talk to his friends(who are mostly girls) but by him getting mad,made me think he had something to hide. I want a marriage with an extreme trust and honesty and he's not letting me by those details like not letting me in his messenger unless u put in the nick i'm his wife. :?
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replied August 12th, 2006
Experienced User
You know once you really stop to really think about it you do..You just have to let that devil stop beating you..And he is really having a great time on you...I say the hell with it...If your marriage is this important to you and you have all that you are looking for in your husband..With all the things he could be doing to you..You are blessed..You make that devil of yours bring his own bat and beat this thing... :wink:
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replied November 12th, 2006
Experienced User
Same Here
Hi, I just went through a similar situation with my boyfriend. I found some pics of him and this chick and they were having sex, she was giving him head and other stuff. He tells me that the pics are before me but that means that they would have to be atleast 2 years old. Well she sent him the pics at at the end of october...After he got back home from"visiting his family" in indiana..Where this chick stays.. Well I find it hard to believe because of details in the picture..Like..He has the same nipple rings in that he has in now, he has his penis ring out of his penis and I took that out when I got here he had it in before, and his hair is in afro like now...Thats all not a conicidence from 2 years ago.. But to him it is..I asked why she would wait 2 years to send the pics why not get them then, he says he didnt want them then but he wants them now..2 yrs later... I wrote the chick and she told me the date it happened and her date was when he was in indiana "visiting his family"..But he says he told her to say that because thats what I was looking for her to say anyway...So I dont know who to believe..So all I can say is im not over it and it will always be on my mind but if u find a way to get over it please help me...
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replied March 12th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: Same Here
toocrunkfaya05 wrote:
Hi, I just went through a similar situation with my boyfriend. I found some pics of him and this chick and they were having sex, she was giving him head and other stuff. He tells me that the pics are before me but that means that they would have to be atleast 2 years old. Well she sent him the pics at at the end of october...After he got back home from"visiting his family" in indiana..Where this chick stays.. Well I find it hard to believe because of details in the picture..Like..He has the same nipple rings in that he has in now, he has his penis ring out of his penis and I took that out when I got here he had it in before, and his hair is in afro like now...Thats all not a conicidence from 2 years ago.. But to him it is..I asked why she would wait 2 years to send the pics why not get them then, he says he didnt want them then but he wants them now..2 yrs later... I wrote the chick and she told me the date it happened and her date was when he was in indiana "visiting his family"..But he says he told her to say that because thats what I was looking for her to say anyway...So I dont know who to believe..So all I can say is im not over it and it will always be on my mind but if u find a way to get over it please help me...


lol um.
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replied December 6th, 2009
WHY WAS you going through his stuff any way
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replied August 23rd, 2011
I know this post is old, but I found it in 2011 doing a Google search, which means other women might also.

I think it's wrong that your husband had that picture in his email in the first place! Not only was it wrong in the first place, but even more so because he retained the picture in his email! He kept it! That's completely inappropriate!

I'm sorry, whoever thinks that you should turn the other cheek and accept what he's giving you because it could be worse??? Don't accept low standards in your marriage. Don't accept him keeping things hidden from you. When you marry someone, whether you believe in God or not, the two shall become one. Marriage is a covenant, a lifetime covenant. Both husband and wife need to honor and respect the other, and if he is keeping things from you or keeping you out of his messenger and who knows what else, he's not keeping his part of the covenant! He's not respecting you or showing you love by allowing that picture from the past to remain in the present. It's just wrong! When two people come together in marriage, they're supposed to forsake all others, both physically and emotionally.

Don't just put up with this like other women have said. People who put up and shut up are the ones who suffer in silence. What kind of life is that?
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