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Adjusting to Being a Single Mom...please Help!

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I am 21 yr old female and I had a baby last october. I was with her father for 2 years prior to becoming pregnant and things were wonderful...Of course they always are in the beginning. But I truly felt like I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Then he turned 21 and things started to go down hill. He wanted to go out and whatever i'm sure he was pickin up other girls to..Who knows. He had suspected that I was pregnant and I didn't think anything of it because I was on birth control...But when I didn't get my period he suggested I take a pregancy test so I did and it was positive. He was so excited in the beginning. Then i'm not sure what happened. It was like once we found out it was a girl he was so disappointed and it was like he lost interest. He wanted a boy so badly but I feel like this was a gift from god and as long as the baby is healthy who cares what the sex is. I don't know what happened I look back now and I noticed we had been drifting but I was so wrapped up in my pregnancy that I didn't seem to catch on to the clues. Now I feel like an idiot. Basically he had found someone else and i'm pretty sure he loved her and not me. What I have such a hard time understanding is why? What did I do to make him not love me? I can't explain all the details because it would be way to long...But to shorten things up I hope this is making some sense, if not just ask me. Then of course when our daughter was born we tried to overcome what had happened and we were "happy" once again. I really wasn't but I tried because I loved him and I love our daughter and I wanted to be that perfect lil family. But I just felt so suspicious all the time ...And it wasn't long before he started playing his same old games again. We have been split for almost three months. When I was with him I wasn't happy but when i'm not i'm not happy. Why don't I feel relieved to be away from him? I miss him so much...And by the way he is already moved on...Why am I the one suffering through the pain? Why in the hell do I miss him???? He treated me horribly and I sit here and take care of our baby and I miss him...It doesn't make sense. I still love him with all my heart and how can he so easily walk away from us?? Why am I the one suffering??? I can't take this anymore.
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replied August 16th, 2006
It sounds like you are going through a very rough time right now. Going through a break up is never easy. Having your first baby is always a challenge as well. Having both those things happen at the same time.... Anyone would be feeling the same way you are. Right now things may seem crazy but they will get better. This guy is no good!!!! I know you know that, but it just hurts right?! You need to surround yourself with any family and friends that you have. Dont be afraid to ask for support from them and take what they can offer. Have you thought about joining a single parent support group? A group like that may help you get through some of the tougher times and give you the chance to talk to someone in similar situations.
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replied August 16th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
It is the void right now. In time you will meet someone the way that you deserve to be treated. Just remember that it is his lost, you got it all, you have his and your.Daughter. He is the one that did wrong. We are here for you!
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replied August 17th, 2006
Experienced User
Thanks!
Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it!!! I would have to get some references to single parent groups...I would like to join one though I think it would help me! I have also signed up to take some college courses and I have put my daughter in daycare two days a week while I go to school. Her father helps but only when its convienent for him. I know I didn't do anything wrong and I just have to remember that. I am glad I have people here for me on this site. It really has helped me. I have come a long way since we have broken up. I feel soon I will be ready to meet someone new. I feel it will be good for me to be single for awhile but I just think it would be nice to have someone to hang out with. Again thank you for the advice!!!
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replied September 6th, 2006
Experienced User
Sometimes you have the weed out the bad ones before you find a really good one. I left my son's father right before he was born, but for a whole different reason. He became abusive and a stalker. My son is 6 now, and he's a part of his life, but at the same time...It's at his convenience. I thought my world was over back then. I have since completed college, got a good career, got a good lawyer (always a plus), found a good man, and have since seen better days. Make sure that your ex pays child support. Don't let him get off the hook. He helped create that beautiful little girl. It's also very important to remember that it wasn't anything you did in the relationship. Some men (and women to be fair) have the 'rounder or 'roundem motto. They're always lookin "around her {or him}" for the next best thing. It takes a lot of work being a single parent. And I think that it's great that you're taking your life into a positive direction. Kudos to you! Good luck. If you ever need any help that can suffice over the internet, give me a yell.
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replied September 12th, 2006
He Doesnt Love Her Either
Hey just wanted to post a reply to you. I dont want you to focus on who this man loves. He doesnt love any woman, believe me. He is looking through the candy store, taking a bite and putting the leftover part back in the candy box..Do you know how nasty that is when someone leaves partial pieces of candy in the box? Anyway, he is very selfish and self-centered, thinking only of himself and is certainly not thinking at all of his daughter!!! He never loved you hon and he does not love any other woman either! So dont think you did anything wrong or that he likes her better than you. She is just another woman to him, another fun time, another candy to test and leave the rest of it behind when it doesn't please him. This is certainly not the kind of man you want to raise a child with.
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replied September 12th, 2006
He Doesnt Love Her Either
Hey just wanted to post a reply to you. I dont want you to focus on who this man loves. He doesnt love any woman, believe me. He is looking through the candy store, taking a bite and putting the leftover part back in the candy box..Do you know how nasty that is when someone leaves partial pieces of candy in the box? Anyway, he is very selfish and self-centered, thinking only of himself and is certainly not thinking at all of his daughter!!! He never loved you hon and he does not love any other woman either! So dont think you did anything wrong or that he likes her better than you. She is just another woman to him, another fun time, another candy to test and leave the rest of it behind when it doesn't please him. This is certainly not the kind of man you want to raise a child with.
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replied July 13th, 2009
Girl, why am I going through the same thing.I'm 24 and the father of my child was in a previous relationship and had two little girls already. When he found out I was having a boy he started distancing himself. Your story is almost like looking in the mirror at myself. I found out he was cheating on me with his previous girl and I haven't even had the baby yet. I wasn't that happy with him but had this security, this need to be loved. Even though he did me so wrong I cry over him everyday. I cant eat I cant sleep. I asked the same question "What did I do to make him not love me?" I miss him so much. It's nice to know some1 is going through the same thing. Stay strong.
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replied July 2nd, 2011
ladies i would like to reccomend a book called why men love btches (cant use correct spelling or i will be kicked of site but im sure can see what its eat to say) please read it its amazing love to u all nicola x
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replied July 2nd, 2011
hi
ladies i would like to reccomend a book called why men love btches (cant use correct spelling or i will be kicked of site but im sure can see what its eat to say) please read it its amazing love to u all nicola x
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replied July 11th, 2012
God knows why he let those things happened in our lives. Sometimes we can say"why me?" but in the end, we will be realized that everything has a purposed. just wait. everything is under control if u let God enter into your heart. don't hate the father of your daughter because the more u think or hate him the more it can be complicated. go on with the flow. but be sure let put God's first into our hearts because when God is in your heart, i know everything will be alright.
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