Well ive come to realize that im almost 20 years old, im not going to be a teen for much longer, and I never had a girlfriend, never been kissed. I dont know what to do. Ill be a sophmore in college this year, which is practicaly an all male college. Everyone I work with is like under 18, or over 25. The only thing wrong with me is I have a lazy eye, my right eye is 2 millimeters off. That 2 millimeters ruins my life. I know most people cant even tell, but im still probably the most self-concious person in the world. Even if someones ugly, they can change their hairslyle, go tanning, workout, put on makeup, do stuff to boost their confidence. I cant do anything, no matter what I do, ill have a lazy eye.
If it wasnt for the eye I would be a pretty good lookin guy, my whole life I tried to do things to take attention off of my eyes. Im not trying to be concieded, but I have a very nice body, 5'8 140 lbs, well defined 6-pack, very cut but not super skinny, I have alittle over 6% body fat, I eat healthy and run everyday, I try to take care of myself. I played sports in high school. Last year I made varsity for my college and qualified for nationals, I also got a few nice medals last year. I have a very nice paying job as a waiter, I own a decent car and a crotch rocket, I have a nice clothing style. Im a really nice guy, I literally get along with every single person I meet. All of this means nothing, I cant get past the eye.
All I think about is my eye, every day I think about how amazing my life would be if they were straight, how much fun life would be. What do you do before you kiss a girl? Look them in the eye. Whats the first thing girls notice about a guy, eyes right? What do you do when you talk to people?, look them in the eyes. Its the worst thing in the world, imagine not being able to look at people. If I could somehow like have my leg cut off in exchange for having straight eyes, id do it in a heartbeat, I wouldnt think twice about it.
I have girls that would date me, ive had 1 or 2 that were actually pretty obsessed haha. But there are always problems, most of the time I just dont have feelings for them. Other times I just think about their reputation or what my parents and friends would think about them. Sometimes theyre all over me and already have boyfriends! (happend twice.)
i dont know what to do, im afraid ill be girlfriendless forever, I could see myself being 25 and in the same situation. My parents probably think im gay or somethin. I cant talk to friends about it, they prolly wouldnt believe me if I told them I never had a girlfriend anyway. If anyone could give me any advice or suggestions or anything that could make me feel better, that would be awesome. I appreciate it.
Edit: nevermind I added it to the last post
Last edited by ohiokid87 on August 11th, 2006 05:18 PM; edited 2 times in total
Hey, I know where ur comming from about feeling self-concious,but its the inside that counts.. I know alot of people who arent very good looking and their beautiful from the inside, which makes them look beautiful from the outside. Life isnt about looking good, no body is perfect and everyone has their own faults, even girls u see on the street that look like they can get any guy they want, they cant- they have their faults also. If a girl doesnt love u for who u are then they dont deserve you. So stop looking for girls that go for only looks because theyre the ones that will be miserable in their lives!! Dont be afraid to look people in the eyes, because if they notice your self-concious and uncomfortable with it, then they will feel that way as well and may think u arent attracted to them. Be confident and be urself because thats the only thing that attracts girls and they love most. Good luck :) p.S. Dont think about the shape of ur eyes, just think that ur lucky god gave u eyes to see- because theres some people out there that dont have eye sight or had to get their eyes taken out for various reasons, and havnt seen the beauty of the world.
I agree with the pp. Beauty is in the inside, not the outside. If someone judges you because of your eye, then hey it's there loss, right? You can do way better then that. There is someone out there for everyone, maybe it just isn't your time to find that someone yet. Things will get better for you. Life is rough and there are mean people, but look past that and be happy and confident.
When I start to get into self-pity, the "poor me" syndrome...I think of 10 things I am thankful for. It seems silly, but try it. You can write down 10 things that really bring you joy. It helps me feel lighter.
And then try it once a day. It can help your head get out of the "i wish it was different" thoughts to the acceptance of what is. You're not going to be able to change the physical, but you can change the internal.
And i'm with the others...You sound intelligent and thoughtful. There will be a really cool woman who can look you in the eyes, and feel love for you. You've got love yourself first, though.
And if you're really wondering about the physical stuff, why not try kissing someone who's not in love with you?...Sexuality isn't only about love, especially early on in life. Otherwise, you'll be waiting until "the one" shows up...
No one even notices the eye, im a waiter and I talk and flirt with the customers all the time, thats how I get the big tips ;) sometimes I get phone numbers along with the tips haha. Nobody ever says or knows anything about it, im like the only one that knows it, but im still just so self-concious. Thats why im just afraid to date girls, cause I know eventually they'll notice. And I also just feel so behind, I should have already had like 4-5 years experience of kissing and sex.
Hmmmmm. I'm getting a better picture of what the fear is for you.
Ok. Everyone is afraid of taking that first step. But let me tell you, as a woman, girls like to be asked out. They like to do new things and be treated well. I even think some prefer kissing to sex.
Get out there! Call one of your customers. Try it out. Who are you wanting to date? Are they out of your league? Super hot or just good looking? What kind of character are you looking for?
In my opinion...You can either go for the sexual experience or the relationship aspect. Different intentions will attract different girls. If you want the sex, the trust does not have to last much longer than one night (always keep a condom with you!!!). If you want a relationship, you'll have to develop enough trust to talk about your self-consciousness and your eyes.
You'll never know until you try. And believe me...You're not alone! I think people really exaggerate their sexual experiences in the early 20's. There is no real "i should be here" sexual marker. No one really knows what they're doing, anyways. This doesn't put you off the hook, though. You'e got to try!
Do you have a picture?I'm sure your making a bigger deal out of it than you should.Like someone else said,if you payh more attention to the things you think are bad about yourself,so will everyone else.Look people in the eye and don't be afraid to do so! I have a friend named jeff(my x bf's bro),his eyes constantly travel and they shake sometimes (he has to wear glasses) but he had lots of chics on him cause he had confidence. He had been divorced 2 times now but that besides the point.Don't let your eyes become a downfall hun! Your personality is what really counts!
I dont get a whole lot of numbers, just every once and awhile. And id say theyre out of my league, but I dont really know what my league is haha. I guess im wanting a relationship. I work at a hotel, so most of the customers are on vacation, so I doubt theyre looking for a relationship, but who knows haha. I dont know itll prolly be awhile till I get a girlfriend cause I have aloooot of credits this semester, maybe if girls went to my school, then id see her more, but its pretty much an all boys college, and the girls that do go there are...Ummm...Undateble. Plus the cross-country coach is on my ass 24/7, if I join that then I wont have any time for girls. Im always so busy, my life sucks.
Ive already had surgery on both eyes. The surgey is suppost to wear off after like 10 years, I had the first when I was like 2, then when I was 16, which helped alittle but they still arent perfect. And you can only have it done once on each eye. So that option is out. Do you have anymore information about the vitiman a? Im 99% sure it wont work but ill try anything.
Dont worry my first cousin brandon in dallas has the same problem when we were kids, when he got older he has his nerve cut and he looks normal...His eye still works as normal it just that he doesnt have that delay..My best friend in new york has the same problem, but she is the funniest person I ever met..Guys enjoy her friendship and personality..She is a real character..Hold you head up some of these girls dont know what they are missing..I bet you have a great since of humor..Most of them are too thin and stick up with big heads anyway..
My ex-husband had a lazy-eye and had eye surgery in his younger days but it did not help and he was a womanizer, he had a problem with it when he was younger, but he grew out of it. I was born with a large wine stain birth-mark and I still have it, they did not have all of this lazer stuff when I was growing up and if they did, I still would have had a scar from it my parents thought about one time about having it tatood(sp) off but the dr's felt that it was too close to the brain and it might have left worse of a scar or more damage so I lived with it, it just taught me that kids and some adults can be cruel and beauty is within and I do not need those that are going to judge me because of my outside, sure, it gave me a complex for a while too but I got over it and so will you. You might need a little therapy, I did! You will find someone that will look at you not what is just what is on the outside but what is on the inside just like what I found!
All the best to you! We are here for you!