Hun... I cant even explain to u how identical your situation sounds to how mine used to be! I know it feels like theres no end and no way out.. But hey, ive been in recovery now for a month and a half and I have only purged 3 times in that amount of time (used to be 3-4 times a day everyday) so it is possible to recover, and it can get better so the last thing to do is lose hope. Anyhow.. Its hard to give advice on this cuz its such a hard topic.. But basically.. Lets see what I did. . First off, the first thing to do is stop purging.. I know this seems extremely hard.. And god knows it is.. But thats how I began my recovery.. Even when I would binge, I wouldnt allow myself to purge it, no matter what, and it does help. It helps u get control back and not let the disorder take over. Secondly.. U cannot restrict your food intake.. Try to allow yourself to eat as normally as possible.. Between 1,600 and 2,000 cals a day.. Once again I know its hard.. But the more normally u allow yourself to eat, the less your body will crave binges..Im not saying u wont overeat at first. .Cuz u prolly will.. But like I said, the more normally u eat, the less u will need to binge. If u cannot handle certain foods without binges, dont start out with those foods quite yet.. After a few days with out purging, u will feel alot better and get a handle on things. I tried to recover many times from bulimia, but I would go about it the wrong way, I would still try to restrict my intake, which would lead me to more binges. I know this advice seems like maybe it wont do good. .But I promise u if u allow yourself to eat normally, ur binge urge will decrease.. And if u do binge, and dont purge it, u wont get trapped in the cycle as hard.. It will take a lot of work , and courage, but it is possible. I had a motivator to get over my e/d.. That is because I am pregnant now (im only 18 tho) but u just have to keep your motivation to live a life without this disease taking over.. U will be so much happier.. I can tell u this from experience now. You mite gain a little weight at first, but thats just your body coping with eating normally at first.. Some people may lose some weight, some gained, I gained at first. .But it does and did even out. I swear I was your e/d twin! And the thing about the room mates. . Iwent through the same thing.. Get up everyday and remind youself of everything that u hate about the disorder.. And remind yourself of your strength.. Dont deny yourself and dont restrict. .And remember, purging will only keep u in the cycle. After a little while ur body wont need to binge anymore. Sorry this is so long. I wish u the best of luck and I know u can do this. If I can u can.
