I'm Broke From Feeding My Addiction to Food... Posted: 01-19-04 14:48pm
I am a college student who is constantly
struggling with money. I could have a lot
more, but I am also struggling with
bulimia and have been for about five
years. My senior year in high school I
told my parents and they had me go to
counseling and I started taking zoloft.
I wanted to get it taken care of before I
was living on my own and it could
potentially get a lot worse. My first
year in college i, for the most part, had
my eating habits under control, but I also
weighed 165 lbs. At 5'6 that was the
heaviest I had ever been. I moved back
home and lost 30 lbs. From exercising and
eating healthy. Then I moved to a
different state to start attending a
different college and immediatly after the
move my old habits returned. I don't know
if it was because of the big change or
what. I didn't know anyone and so I was
alone a lot of the time and so would go on
crazy binges, going from one fast food
place to another, wasting all my money.
It got to the point where I would scrounge
up nickels and dimes just so I could go
get a sundea, only to throw it up later.
Usually I would do this in the evening on
the way to the gym, drop by some fast food
place, stuff myself full of hamburgers,
fries or usually icecream and then throw
it up in the locker room bathroom before
going to go run on the treadmill. I need
help but I don't know what else to do.
My parents try to help as best they can,
i've gone to counseling, I am taking
anti-depressents, but still the war
between my body and mind goes on. I hate
the feeling of being sneaky, staying up
late at night riffeling through the
cupboards to see what I can eat that my
roomates won't notice is gone the next
morning. After a binge I feel emberassed
and digusted with myself, but for some
reason no matter if I swear its the last
time, the next day it goes on... If
anyone has any advice for me, please
help....
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KariM18
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jan 2004 Posts: 1436 Location: Grand Blanc, Michigan
Posted: 01-19-04 15:19pm
Hun... I cant even explain to u how
identical your situation sounds to how
mine used to be! I know it feels like
theres no end and no way out.. But hey,
ive been in recovery now for a month and a
half and I have only purged 3 times in
that amount of time (used to be 3-4 times
a day everyday) so it is possible to
recover, and it can get better so the last
thing to do is lose hope. Anyhow.. Its
hard to give advice on this cuz its such a
hard topic.. But basically.. Lets see
what I did. . First off, the first thing
to do is stop purging.. I know this seems
extremely hard.. And god knows it is..
But thats how I began my recovery.. Even
when I would binge, I wouldnt allow myself
to purge it, no matter what, and it does
help. It helps u get control back and not
let the disorder take over. Secondly.. U
cannot restrict your food intake.. Try to
allow yourself to eat as normally as
possible.. Between 1,600 and 2,000 cals a
day.. Once again I know its hard.. But
the more normally u allow yourself to eat,
the less your body will crave binges..Im
not saying u wont overeat at first. .Cuz
u prolly will.. But like I said, the more
normally u eat, the less u will need to
binge. If u cannot handle certain foods
without binges, dont start out with those
foods quite yet.. After a few days with
out purging, u will feel alot better and
get a handle on things. I tried to
recover many times from bulimia, but I
would go about it the wrong way, I would
still try to restrict my intake, which
would lead me to more binges. I know this
advice seems like maybe it wont do good.
.But I promise u if u allow yourself to
eat normally, ur binge urge will
decrease.. And if u do binge, and dont
purge it, u wont get trapped in the cycle
as hard.. It will take a lot of work ,
and courage, but it is possible. I had a
motivator to get over my e/d.. That is
because I am pregnant now (im only 18 tho)
but u just have to keep your motivation to
live a life without this disease taking
over.. U will be so much happier.. I can
tell u this from experience now. You mite
gain a little weight at first, but thats
just your body coping with eating normally
at first.. Some people may lose some
weight, some gained, I gained at first.
.But it does and did even out. I swear I
was your e/d twin! And the thing about
the room mates. . Iwent through the same
thing.. Get up everyday and remind
youself of everything that u hate about
the disorder.. And remind yourself of
your strength.. Dont deny yourself and
dont restrict. .And remember, purging
will only keep u in the cycle. After a
little while ur body wont need to binge
anymore. Sorry this is so long. I wish u
the best of luck and I know u can do
this. If I can u can.
