One of my friends, whom i've known since
university, has just told me that she's
pregnant. She's not sure how many weeks
as hasn't seen a doctor yet, just done a
home pregnancy test. She's definite that
she wants an abortion and is going to see
her her gp tomorrow to discuss how to go
about it.
The thing is, I just really don't know how
to handle this because she was really
stupid by not using protection.
Basically, she has been seeing a bloke
behind her fiance's back and not using
contraception when sleeping with him.
When she told me what she was doing I told
her she was heading for trouble and to
bloody well use something or she'd end up
pregnant or with an std. She just seems
to relish the attention. She has asked
me to go to the appointment with her at
the hospital when it happens because she
'is frightened of pregnant women and might
see one there'!
I just don't know what to say to her.
I'm not against abortion as such but
really hate the fact that she seems to be
treating the whole situation as an
attention seeking exercise.
I hope I don't sound really harsh. Just
wanted some opinions on this.
Happybaby
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cherry88
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006 Posts: 633 Location: ,
Posted: 07-26-06 20:45pm
Well attention seeking or not you need to
stick by your mate. Shes obviously scared
so you need to stick by her. But what she
does need to do is she needs to go to the
doctor because she is pregnant. Not going
cause shes scared she will see pregnant
women is very selfish. What does she
think it going to happen when shes 6
months pregnant with a massive bump. She
needs to grow up and face the
conciquences. Shes going to be a mum,
unless she does want an abortion and in
that case she needs to decide straight
away. And of corse let her fiance know.
Its not fair on her, the baby or her
fiance .O.R. The babies father if she
lies about who the baby daddy is, she has
a long road in front of her. She made her
bed now she needs to lie in it. Face the
conciquences of her actions.
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 07-26-06 22:28pm
Pepole can seek attention in many ways for
many reasons. Perhaps your friend is
fearful of settling down with her fiancee
and becoming totally monagamous. Perhaps
she is worried that she hasn't had enough
time to be herself and to experience
things she thinks she needs to experience.
It is also possible that she doesn't want
to marry this man, and is looking for any
solution to the "problem".
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HappyBaby
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 119 Location: UK
Posted: 07-27-06 01:21am
Thanks for your replies guys.
The baby is definitely not her fiance's -
from what she tells me, they haven't 'done
the business' for quite some time so if
she continued the pregnancy her fiance
would definitely know she'd been playing
away!
She says she's phobic of pregnant women
which I find really weird since you'd
think she'd have been a bit more careful
about trying to prevent pregnancy if that
was the case! She seems really messed up
and our relationship is very one sided.
She is very draining because she is take
take take - everything is about her and
she doesn't take other people's feelings
into account at all.
I had been trying to distance myself from
her because I had had enough of her
selfish attitude but then she comes to me
and tells me this and I just don't know
what to do.
Don't get me wrong - i'm certainly not a
fairweather friend - I have been there for
her through loads of things. It's just
very one sided.
Sorry - rant over!
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 07-27-06 15:50pm
I don't think she meant that...
I know what it can be like to have a
friend who seems to be only seeking
attenton; yet their underlying problem is
very serious. One of my friends is
frustratingly suicidal, except that he
always swears that he doesn't want to kill
himself anymore. He also insists on
"therapuic talks" that last waaay to long.
We're talking... 5 hours. At night.
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-27-06 23:20pm
lolbahlolbah123
wrote:
eiri
wrote:
he also insists on
"therapuic talks" that last waaay to long.
We're talking... 5 hours. At
night.
then don't answer the phone. It is that
easy.
he lives here. It's rude to ignore him
constantly. Real people actually have
emotions.
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HappyBaby
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 119 Location: UK
Posted: 08-08-06 09:59am
Just to update, my friend has had her
abortion. She managed to get it done
really quickly which surprised me cos I
thought it would take weeks and weeks to
arrange. She had a medical termination
and said it was a horrible experience
because she thinks she saw the baby.
Mind you, she was only about 6 weeks gone
so I think it might be more psychological
because the baby would be teeny tiny at
that point. Anyway, she is saying that
she doesn't regret the abortion as such
but does regret getting herself into the
situation in the first place. Think the
reality has shocked her a bit actually -
like she's realised it's not all a game.
Hopefully she will be a bit more careful
with her contraception from now on, though
I know accidents can still happen then of
course.
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HappyBaby
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 119 Location: UK
Posted: 08-08-06 10:01am
Oh and her 'lover' went with her. Her
fiance is still none the wiser although
she is worried that if she and him have a
baby in years to come he will find out
from her medical records. I suppose she
is worried that someone will slip up and
say 'oh I see from your notes that you
have had a termination' or something.
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
Thanks: 12
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Posted: 08-08-06 14:15pm
It should be kept 100% confidential, if
she fears a problem, she can always call
ahead and explain her situation.
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jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 08-08-06 16:42pm
happybaby
wrote:
she had a medical
termination and said it was a horrible
experience because she thinks she saw the
baby. Mind you, she was only about 6
weeks gone so I think it might be more
psychological because the baby would be
teeny tiny at that
point.
at six weeks I doubt she
really saw the embryo as it would still be
quite tiny. Perhaps she thought a large
clot was it.
Quote:
hopefully she
will be a bit more careful with her
contraception from now on, though I know
accidents can still happen then of
course.
hopefully.
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diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 08-14-06 09:51am
I can understand the dilema here, she was
stupid about the whole sitiuaition but hey
things have been dealt with, I honestly
think/hope she uses protectiion if she
really doesnt want kids than she should
get her tubes ties..
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cherry88
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006 Posts: 633 Location: ,
Posted: 08-14-06 19:07pm
diamondsz
wrote:
I honestly think/hope she
uses protectiion if she really doesnt want
kids than she should get her tubes
ties..
