Medical Abortion Forum - Friend's Abortion

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Q: Friend's Abortion - Attention Seeking?

asked by: HappyBaby on July 26th, 2006

Experienced User

One of my friends, whom i've known since university, has just told me that she's pregnant. She's not sure how many weeks as hasn't seen a doctor yet, just done a home pregnancy test. She's definite that she wants an abortion and is going to see her her gp tomorrow to discuss how to go about it.

The thing is, I just really don't know how to handle this because she was really stupid by not using protection. Basically, she has been seeing a bloke behind her fiance's back and not using contraception when sleeping with him. When she told me what she was doing I told her she was heading for trouble and to bloody well use something or she'd end up pregnant or with an std. She just seems to relish the attention. She has asked me to go to the appointment with her at the hospital when it happens because she 'is frightened of pregnant women and might see one there'!

I just don't know what to say to her. I'm not against abortion as such but really hate the fact that she seems to be treating the whole situation as an attention seeking exercise.

I hope I don't sound really harsh. Just wanted some opinions on this.

Happybaby

Replies(11)

cherry88

replied on July 26th, 2006

Active User, very eHealthy

Well attention seeking or not you need to stick by your mate. Shes obviously scared so you need to stick by her. But what she does need to do is she needs to go to the doctor because she is pregnant. Not going cause shes scared she will see pregnant women is very selfish. What does she think it going to happen when shes 6 months pregnant with a massive bump. She needs to grow up and face the conciquences. Shes going to be a mum, unless she does want an abortion and in that case she needs to decide straight away. And of corse let her fiance know. Its not fair on her, the baby or her fiance .O.R. The babies father if she lies about who the baby daddy is, she has a long road in front of her. She made her bed now she needs to lie in it. Face the conciquences of her actions.

Tylanas

replied on July 26th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Pepole can seek attention in many ways for many reasons. Perhaps your friend is fearful of settling down with her fiancee and becoming totally monagamous. Perhaps she is worried that she hasn't had enough time to be herself and to experience things she thinks she needs to experience. It is also possible that she doesn't want to marry this man, and is looking for any solution to the "problem".

HappyBaby

replied on July 27th, 2006

Experienced User

Thanks for your replies guys.

The baby is definitely not her fiance's - from what she tells me, they haven't 'done the business' for quite some time so if she continued the pregnancy her fiance would definitely know she'd been playing away!

She says she's phobic of pregnant women which I find really weird since you'd think she'd have been a bit more careful about trying to prevent pregnancy if that was the case! She seems really messed up and our relationship is very one sided. She is very draining because she is take take take - everything is about her and she doesn't take other people's feelings into account at all.

I had been trying to distance myself from her because I had had enough of her selfish attitude but then she comes to me and tells me this and I just don't know what to do.

Don't get me wrong - i'm certainly not a fairweather friend - I have been there for her through loads of things. It's just very one sided.

Sorry - rant over!

Tylanas

replied on July 27th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

I don't think she meant that...

I know what it can be like to have a friend who seems to be only seeking attenton; yet their underlying problem is very serious. One of my friends is frustratingly suicidal, except that he always swears that he doesn't want to kill himself anymore. He also insists on "therapuic talks" that last waaay to long. We're talking... 5 hours. At night.

Tylanas

replied on July 27th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

lolbahlolbah123 wrote:

eiri wrote:

he also insists on "therapuic talks" that last waaay to long. We're talking... 5 hours. At night.

then don't answer the phone. It is that easy.

he lives here. It's rude to ignore him constantly. Real people actually have emotions.

HappyBaby

replied on August 8th, 2006

Experienced User

Just to update, my friend has had her abortion. She managed to get it done really quickly which surprised me cos I thought it would take weeks and weeks to arrange. She had a medical termination and said it was a horrible experience because she thinks she saw the baby. Mind you, she was only about 6 weeks gone so I think it might be more psychological because the baby would be teeny tiny at that point. Anyway, she is saying that she doesn't regret the abortion as such but does regret getting herself into the situation in the first place. Think the reality has shocked her a bit actually - like she's realised it's not all a game. Hopefully she will be a bit more careful with her contraception from now on, though I know accidents can still happen then of course.

HappyBaby

replied on August 8th, 2006

Experienced User

Oh and her 'lover' went with her. Her fiance is still none the wiser although she is worried that if she and him have a baby in years to come he will find out from her medical records. I suppose she is worried that someone will slip up and say 'oh I see from your notes that you have had a termination' or something.

Carifairy

replied on August 8th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

It should be kept 100% confidential, if she fears a problem, she can always call ahead and explain her situation.

jenn_smithson

replied on August 8th, 2006

Active User, very eHealthy

happybaby wrote:

she had a medical termination and said it was a horrible experience because she thinks she saw the baby. Mind you, she was only about 6 weeks gone so I think it might be more psychological because the baby would be teeny tiny at that point.

at six weeks I doubt she really saw the embryo as it would still be quite tiny. Perhaps she thought a large clot was it.

Quote:

hopefully she will be a bit more careful with her contraception from now on, though I know accidents can still happen then of course.

hopefully.

diamondsz

replied on August 14th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I can understand the dilema here, she was stupid about the whole sitiuaition but hey things have been dealt with, I honestly think/hope she uses protectiion if she really doesnt want kids than she should get her tubes ties..

cherry88

replied on August 14th, 2006

Active User, very eHealthy

diamondsz wrote:

I honestly think/hope she uses protectiion if she really doesnt want kids than she should get her tubes ties..

me too...We can only hope.

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