When I was a kid, I was very good at convincing myself that the absolute worst thing could, and was, happening to me. Once, my dad had been talking about rabies, and how you have to get the shots within 7 hours or you'll get rabies too. My dog nipped me on the heel later that day, not even drawing blood. I didn't tell anyone. Our dog was cute, and in no way had rabies! Later that night, I layed there, and felt my heart suddenly go faster and faster as I realised that I hadn't told anyone, and if I did have rabies, I was now going to die a horribly painful death. I didn't hyperventialte; that just doesn't seem to be my thing when I panic. But my stomach did get hot and tight, and I screamed for my mommy. She came in, obviously confused as hell, and comforted me.

Another time, a few years later, in 8th grade, I got left behind after all th ebusses left my school. It was february, I didn't know my phone number, and I was locked out of the school. Again, panic attack complete with me screaming into the empty night for help. I eventually collected myself and walked to the diner near by, and thank god our number was listed.

I have through the years managed to deal with this, so that when I do panic, I don't dissovle into utter chaos and screaming. I'm now a college student, and I am sexually active in a monagamous relationship. I am currently in the middle of a panic-attack-zone... Because I messed up my birth control pills.

I am waiting for my next period to confirm i'm not pregnant; i'm too scared to go buy a test. It's a long story, but sufficed to say, there is reason for me to be frightened about being pregnant, even though I got my period the day after unprotected sex. Yes, I calculated out the situation in which I could become pregnant, and yes, I assumed that all of the particulars of these events took place... Just like I assumed I had rabies. However, as this is a far more serious situation, I have been in the grips of tension for several days now, and it won't end until I get my period, exactly (i hope, and the thought makes me hot with fear) one week from this past tuesday.

I am believing every odd sign to be signals of pregnancy; when they could simply be related to the fact that I messed up the cycle my body had gotten into. I have fallen into states of catatonic fear, which for me involve not moving for almost ten minutes as I sit there and believe and fret over the absolute worst scenario. It's hard to manage this, but reaching out to others who I know and/or who are professionals has helped me. Obviously no one in my family; but a close friend who has been in my position, and I also called planned parenthood's hotline.

The point to all of this is that in order to assure ourselves when we are in the throes of panic, reach out!! Call someone or e-mail someone who you know can help you. Even if you doubt their advice, explaining your situation and your fears to someone else can often make you realise how unsubstantiated they are, and help you control your fear for another day; until whatever resolution you need can be reached.

For myself, i'm getting an iud after all this is over. But i'm still scared to make an appointment, because that, like a store bought test, will aboslutely confirm or deny my fears. And taking that absolut step is too hard, when you're scared.