I've been talking to my mom about it, whenever my dad isn't around. She says I shouldn't tell my dad until I actually start showing. You would just have to understand my dad to understand why i'm waiting to tell. He's a real problem to my mom, brother, and me. When he finds out i'll be called a promiscuous person to my face and he'll tell me, "you just turned out your sister-in-law. A no good promiscuous person." that's how my dad is. I don't want to tell him, but he's going to put it together as soon as I start to show.
I still haven't told my boyfriend. I want to wait until my family reunion is over and my open house before I tell him. I don't really want to ruin my 2 parties. I want to be able to have fun at the parties. Yeah, i'm scared out of my mine when i'm going to tell him. He doesn't want to be a dad yet. Yes I know, then he shouldn't of sticked his dick in me. Tell him that, not me. But he's the kind of guy that doesn't walk away from what he has done. But then again, I don't know. Guys are guys. You can't read their minds.
So far I have 1 job. I'm working at mcdonalds from 5 a.M. Till 11 a.M. Making $5.65. I know that's not a lot, but beats what I was making just 3 weeks ago, $5.15. I'm looking for another, but it's kind of hard. I live in a small town and most jobs are already taken with high school students. That's why the job I have now is in a different town about 15 minutes from me. Basically the money I do get from each pay check which will be around $300 is being put in my checkbook and the only money aloud to spend out of it is for gas. Which I use about 60 dollars of it from each pay check. I have really thought it out.
It's a really bad timing to have a baby, with everything that's going on in my family. Yeah, i'm scared out of my mind because i'm afraid that I will get it taken away from me because of some stuff i'm going through with another part of my family and they are trying to make my mom, my dad, and my life a living hell. But it's to late to take it back. I have to deal with it. I'll have a lot of troubles if my boyfriend walks away from me. I would still have trouble if he stays because he makes enough to pay the bills and have about 500 dollars left over.
No, I don't got it all figured out. No, I don't know how it's going to be like. Every baby isn't the same. I can't compare my nephew that I use to raise since he was a baby to my baby. No, i'm not ready. I have my college years ahead. Which I still plan on doing. Not right away but later down in the road. I'm not going to give up. I finished high school and I want to go to college. No, i'm not ready to be awake every hour when the baby cries. I have to be at work at 4:30 in the morning. But I have to do it. No, I have no clue who is going to watch my kid when i'm at work. My mom can't do it, she's on disabilty. I will have to find someone.
So no need to say that I don't know what i'm getting myself into. I do. I know how babies need attention and wake up all hours of the night. How stressful it is. But i'm not a person to walk away from my responsibilities. I don't believe in abortion and I don't want no one raising my child.
I'm tired and I don't feel to well. So i'm going to bed. Bye