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Husband had an Affair...how can I cope?

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I had been with my husband for a total of almost 10 yrs but we were only married for almost 3 yrs. My husband recently had an affair. He had the affair with this women for only 1 mth b4 i found out and so i kicked him out. He has only been seeing this girl since Feb. but yet moved in with her right away. He not only left me but also our 2 yr old son. He claims that he does not love me anymore. How can he just move on with someone else like that and throw away all our history? I feel deep down that he still loves me because i see it in his eyes. I just feel that he thinks the "grass is greener" with her. How do I cope since he's been gone now for 3 months and i feel its getting harder and harder. He just recently picked up the rest of his things on our 3rd year anniversary. I just cant help but feel he's made a mistake.


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replied July 18th, 2006
Dealing With Divorce & Ending a Relationship Answer A1209
I sorry about your marriage but it seem to me that you love him more than he loves you. You can consult a marriage adviser and a lawyer. You can also ask for help from a psychologist or other mental health professional in order to air your feelings about the situation.
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replied May 10th, 2009
well if he does not love you anymore and in love with another girl there is nothing you can do time to move on or think why he left you??
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replied May 25th, 2009
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i m sorry you had to go through that. just know that time heals all things and there will be a day that you wont hurt from this anymore.
i m 32 y.o, never been married but been in a simular situation as yours.

my ex of 5 years told everyone but me that he loves me but isnt in love with me. i was the boring plain jane to him, and he wanted a sexy exciting women.
i felt the same as you "how could he throw all of our history away. i knew he thought the grass was greener on the other side.
the girl we dumped me for has since left him after one year, she treated him bad, complained about how he couldnt satisfy her.
so he of course cried to me, missed our amazing sex life, and how simple i was, as oppose to some fisty girl that always cussed him out and gave him stress. but when he found out the grass isnt green i was in a full blow happy relationship with someone who thinks i am gold.
i smile as i tell this story. and one day you will also. what will he do then when he's single and you have another man raising his child.
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replied June 15th, 2009
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I am sorry to hear about that. Yes, you should try to get a marriage adviser and a good lawyer. Get yourself busy to distract your thoughts of thinking to much about him. Is it really final? Sometimes when were angry we say hurtful things that we later regret. You should both decide this together.
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replied July 24th, 2009
i say get back up dust urself over and start all over again.
who needs wankers like that!
hes gone off with sum dirty hoe good ridance to bad rubbish is what i say and b4 u no it karma will hit him clean in the face and she will leave him for sumone better.
think about ur kid and urself chick xx
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replied September 1st, 2009
Sorry you're going through the disappointment of betrayal. It's painful and I feel for you! Look at your blessings: You have a son and he is your purpose! Many women can do things without a husband these days. Your child deserves all the love you have. Besides, sometimes life is equally difficult when you are married to a man who lives under your roof who is emotionally unavailable, so as a consolation to you, you can be married and feel quite intensely alone and that's much worse than just being with your son and you. Create a loving and supportive home for you and your baby. Take care of yourself! Love yourself! Let him deal with HIS mess. Don't take him back - he made the wrong choice when he chose her instead of you. Find a support group of friends and women who can help you feel happy and laugh a lot. I think once the trust is broken it is quite difficult to repair. He's not the last man left on the planet! Once you have supportive friends around you, it's going to be easier to think about what you will do. Just think about getting your life and your son's in order. He really made a mistake. Let them deal with that and don't fix it for them because it just might happen that if the 'other' woman gets tired of him, she might throw him back to you. You don't want him back so soon.
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replied February 16th, 2010
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He`ll probably come to his senses once he`s realized how much less he can live without your close friendship, but down the line he might well forget? Perhaps, give him one chance for friendship????
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replied May 17th, 2010
when you know that he has left you, why dont you forget him or try to get on with your life, saying something else and meaning something else is not the way to live, if he wants green pastures, let him go and get them if that leaves you in peace, even if he comes back now, he might do the same thing again and will be able to life with it that he has been with another woman?? will you forget or forgive it?? its easy to say but very hard to do!! its better to have a clean break up rather than prolonging it and having to live with such thing!
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replied May 18th, 2010
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Just one of the many prices for conventional loving and living together relationships is this one - You fall out of love, and sometimes long before you feel able to respond, and finish-up undermining an entire family. Had oonventionallove never played the major role, had the relationship been based on close frienship(?), perhaps then this happening would be made the less likely. At times like these girl friends are far better!
It is also possible that he still loves you, and that his love for this girl is only physical. This being the case he`s unlikely to realize it until much later, and then, especially under these circumstances, should probably be allowed one last chance.
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replied October 13th, 2010
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In the meantime, and taking it that you do still love your husband, obviously do your level best to overcome the worst of this emotion, but don`t turn it to hate, rather to simply plain friendship if this is possible? - Not exactly less perhaps, but certainly freed up from all the terrible emotions. This is the best thing for both yourself, and for the children.
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replied December 1st, 2010
I think you need to accept the fact that it's over. At this point in time, even if he wanted to come back into your life, I would advice against this. He doesn't deserve you and obviously didn't appreciate what he had. It's his loss. Remember this and try to make peace with the situation. If he doesn't deserve you then you're better off.
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replied January 31st, 2011
you not alone. my fiance asked me to him some space and whilst i was staying with my sister to give him some space he moved his new girlfriend in.....and so much i can do now? i asked why, the answer was i dont feel the same way about you....here we go. I decided to look at my future and dont look back anymore, it has only been 3 weeks, but i know i have to do it for my self.
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replied August 17th, 2011
If he lives with some other women so its the time to move on.
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replied September 12th, 2011
I know that it is hard to face reality because I can see that you really love your husband. But you have to be strong for yourself and for you son. Seek help if you need it and claim your rights as a wife especially for your son.
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replied September 25th, 2011
I think that if you really want your ex back, then you just have to show him what he is missing out on you. So keep your cool and don't let him see that you are actually hurting. Show him that you are doing great and that you are not missing out on life even if he is not around. He will then realize your worth and even if he does not comeback to you, it's a win win situation because in doing so you have the opportunity to see life more with your 2 yo kid.
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replied May 7th, 2012
I think you also have to learn to move on.Its just like that you are still hopeful thats why you think that he still loves you.You have to concern with some lawyer to claim for divorce and rights.
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replied April 4th, 2013
Try talking about this with your closest friends, get out of your home, party, meet new people, try having fun. Time will heal everything.
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replied April 4th, 2013
wow, same thing happened in my first marridge, we had been married 9 yrs, our kids were 4 and 6, he had been talking to her for about a month, then he left for 2 wks Not one phone call or nothing, I didnt know anything, but, people i worked with picked up on everything too quik, but i didnt listen or believe them cause i was so sure of my self that he wouldnt do that to us, and of course it was ALL MY FAULT, 3 months later, i allowed him to come back( he had no where to go, after she had got what she wanted) 3 yrs later, i made him pay for what he done to us, i done the same thing, but i never wanted him after he done that
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