Hi everyone, I have an 18 year old daughter who has bi polar (2) and borderline personality disorder. Home life is pretty horrific and I spend half my life feeling sick - waiting for the next eppisode, drama, police knocking on the door, or ringing, the next broken knuckles or black eye that she will walk in the house with, and this is usually after dissappearing for a few days. And the other half of my life is fixing up the destruction that she leaves behind. On top of this I have a 13year old whom luckily takes most of the upheaval in her stride, and a husband who is a shift worker. I am desperately trying to stay on top of my job, but if I am really honest with myself, I am not always coping to well. My 18 will not do much at all if anything, and associates with 15 years old, and is probably arround 14 - 15 years emotionally, and my 13 year old is around 18 years emotionally, its like they have done a swap.The 18 year old is on medication and although she is now able to sleep and has stopped cutting her wrists, it really dosnt help with the mood swings, any way I can ramble on for hours, but what I am trying to say is that, I am so tired and sick of being on the same merry go round and it never seems to change, I have no life, and then I feel guilty because I feel this way, its just a never ending cycle. We have finally got her into a youth mental health facility which she visits once a week, which is great, but only today we had to take her to hospital in the emergency dept and she started carrying on that she was the only one sick and there was nothing wrong with anyone else, now you have to imagine this was full voice (and a loud one at that) in a packed out emergency dept, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die :oops: . Are there anyother mums who can relate to this. I would give my last breath to my kids, but I dont know how much more I can cope with, now I feel guilty again.