Dear benny,

perhaps all of this is going on because of your childhood? Did you say you were in a relationship? I hope your loved one helps you cope with the depression and abuse of drugs. But youve got to stop this, if you want to get better tell yourself that! I know it sounds silly but look in the mirror and say to yourself "im taking over, im going to change my life positively" perhaps you need to go on a holiday? If there are alot of stresses in your life, you should relax and go off on holiday. If your mind still acts strange and you are unpredictable of your actions, perhaps you should see a doctor as soon as possible. A shrink should help you if you need to sort out some childhood nightmares and scars from your past. I really hope you try and take a new step on your life and reaaaalllly try to stop the abuse and self harm. Good luck benny. Stay in touch.
<3 kelly

My feelings and situation are so close to benny's it is scary. I think we differ a little, but I have just become so overwhelmed the past 2 months. I am in a relationship where my family dislikes the man I am with, my 25 year old brother has told me he never wants to speak to me or see me ever again, my dad has said very hurtful things, and the only secuirty I had or have is my bf, and I feel like there is a distant wall up. I don't know what to do. I am not having thoughts of hurting or killing myself, I just want to be myself again, and happy. Any suggestions.

Hi there people...First benny. Your awsome for recognizing all this...Thats the first step. There are so many people that go one day by day with these problems and never realize it tell they hit rock bottom. First and foremost it sounds like you have a very addictive personality, weather it be alwasy trying to relax/excape or just lack of disiplin. This is something your going to have to face full force....Your gona have to really jump on the bull man. Being human we go though so much pain due to situational things. You say you have a good job and a loving relationships? If your relationship and job are healthy for you then you really need to focus on them. I would highly recomend seeking a Dr. (psychologist....Not psychiatrist). Someone profesional that you can really spit to. This helps so very much.

Considering you have a good job take advantage of it. If you have health insurance seek out a psychologist right now. Dont be afraid to set up sevral appoitments with different dr's....It takes time to find one you will click with.

Stay up man and please please please post here when ever somethings on your mind...There are many great people here.

Ok hi ghammondtree. Your situation really sounds like its steaming from your relationship. Sometimes we really have to step back and look out what we are doing, who we are with and where we are at in life. Its hard to do so but you really need to look at whats most healthy for you in all aspects.

I know how it is being in a relationship where everyone hates the person you are with. This goes 2 ways because most of our family members and friends only hear about our relationships when things are bad...So all they know are the bad sides.

It takes time to figure these things out.


Personaly id love to hear from you 2 again. Im 24 and was in the same boat as both of you in a sense just a few months ago....Im a changed person in a way due to some doing it seroius changes I forced upon myself.

Newasy hope you 2 stay up and dont get 2 down...^_^

Color of paper, thanks for the reply. It is very difficult, and you are right, they have only heard the bad sides. While we have been together a little over a year, the past two months have been completely different we truly enjoy each other, however, I worry about us are we going to make it are we in it for the long haul or is it just something to pass the time. He is a few years older than me and nearing 30, so I would think he would be ready to settle down, and that is not what I want to force him to do, but I would just think I was more than something to pass the time, and I do I do feel like I am more to him than that. I just dont' know what to do I feel like my family loves me and wants what is best for me, but they don't approve of who I am seeing therefore the relationship I have with them is so hard. My brother has refused to talk to me, stating I was dead to him. I know this in essence is immaturity on his part bc who says that kind of stuff? However, it still breaks my heart, he is my brother, my family and I love him. I could understand if his feelings were towards my boyfriend, but they are toward me, and I have not done anything. Nonetheless, I guess I just would like some advice on what I need to do. If I am in an unhealthy relationship and I need to get out even if it hurts I want to let it go, bc I want him to be happy as much as I want to be happy. Anything?

You need to judge the relationship on your own though your own views. Also I would say you guys have quite a bit more time to be togher before talking about settelin down. I know things move fast and the heart is strong but to really be safe in the long run you need to spend alot of time withsomeone to really find out who they are......Much more than a year.

I do agree that your brother is being immature but has this guy hit you or something? I know if some guy hurt one of my sisters I would demand that she leaves him and would be very uncomfortable around the whole situation.

This is for you to really take a step back and look at everything. If your at a point in your life where you can mellow out (ie. Have a good job, living conditions etc) then take a step back and really see whats the best decision for you. Ultimatly you have to make the decisions on your own....And I know that sucks but thats the way it is.

Stay up ghamondtree ^_^

Color of paper - no, no, no - I in no way want to settle down as in get married. I think I am a pretty grounded girl for themost part, and I don't feel like there is room for me to settle down in the sense that I am wild or something right now, I just want to know we are working towards a common goal. I feel kind of weird airing my dirty laundry w you ...Hope you don't mind.

Not at all thats what im here for as are many others. And its not dirty laundry ^_^ its life.

Take it easy...Talk with your brother on a very basic loving level...If you really want to be with this guy your gona have to work at it to get him back in your familys life...You can do it.

As for working twards a common goal, when talking about that be carefull. Many times couples will talk about the future and see how different they are and what they want...So keep it simple...Like the next holiday or something hehe.

Have you ever asked yourself why are you so depressed? What do you want that you don't have? You say you have low self esteem, and your very stressed. I think anti-depresents would work wonders for you if you didn't abuse them. Effaxor dispite its widthdrawl effects I keep hearing about have reduced my social anxiety to almost nothing. Depression can still occur, there is no fix for that. I don't think you need to see someone with a phd, I think a very good therapist with a backround working with cases similar to yours would be a very good choice. I would also advise you to seek help with drug therapy also, taking more anti-depresents isn't going to make you better, its just going to kill you. You don't really want to die, I know that because you are here asking for help.

I can tell you the one sure thing that helps more then any other with increasing how relaxed you are with your surroundings, be aware of your social behavior, good posture, be yourself, be loose. Try to be nice, but not to nice. Be yourself, but dont let people walk all over you. Then once you have your attitude down, and you know how you want to act and present yourself put yourself in social situations. It will feel uncomfortable at first but you will get used too it. The more time you spend in a social setting, the more social connections you will make. If you sit in your room for the rest of your life you aren't going to meet anyone new. It's the way the world works. I've been cooped up in my room for a week and I am miserable. I've had this damn flu and this damn concussion and I can tell you that i'm seething to get out and play. Believe it or not six months I just sat in my house all the time too. If I could do it, so can you. Just remember, sometimes your feelings lie to you, listen to your mind, and stick to your plan. Don't expect quick fixes, keep practicing. Dealing with society isn't much different then a bench press, the more you do it the better you'll get at it. You'll see what I mean if you go down this path. The other things people have said here are also good ways to counter your problems. There are usually multiple solutions to problems you just have to find the one your most comfortable with then you have to stick too it, remember that stick too it.