I am a 35 y/o women, a professional in the medical field, married for 10 yrs. (happily) mother of 2 (3and6). I have used marijuana for 15 yrs.
Daily not heavily, 1/4 bag last a month.
I've really only not used during this time when pregnant and nursing baby.
I don't smoke cig.S or drink alcohol. My husband is the only one who knows about it, he thinks its no big deal, because, he has used much more and much worst in the past.
Anyway, my thought process goes back and forth like this.....
It's no big deal, I don't use that much, I never use before or on the job, i'm not hurting anyone, I can afford it, I enjoy it, i'm not out running around i'm home with my family.
Or
why do I do this, it's not healthy for me, i'm forgettful because of it, i'm emotionally dull because of it, i'm disconnected when on it, i'm not being a responsible mom. ( I never smoke in front of my kids, I go to the garage, but, they have said stuff like "you smell funny or your eyes look like you've been crying")
when i've tried to quit, I am obsessed about it until I finally rationalize my way back to it with the it's no big deal.....Etc.
I'm tired of the cycle here.
I feel like i'm too old for this.... But, still enjoy it sometimes.
I also feel like such a phony to all who know me as all of the things that I am, but would be shocked to know I use marijuana daily.
I'm not sure if i'm asking for advice or if I just wanted to put it out there.
Confused , labgirl