I just read all I posted and I suddenly felt so cruel... So hard-hearted.... I wish I loved the baby inside me but I just can't. It is out of my control. I feel unable to love...

I have a great paying paying job, wonderful fiance(getting married very very soon) and have had an abortion.


There is nothing wrong with choosing when you are ready to be a mom, and abortion is an okay choice.
If you truly want to have an abortion for your own reasons than it is all good!! The only time that I would say don't have anaboriton is if you were being forced or coerced, because then it is not your choice.

Nobody is forcing me deliberately, although I know that my parents and sister would be more than sad about having a relative not similar to them (my parents are blond/blue eyes and the baby would obviously be darkskinned) I myself am in very big doubts if I ever can accept the baby who is mine but has nothing mine in appearance. I am afraid I would hate him/her for causing troubles with my family. Not talking about that I would be a single mother. That's the biggest problem. I know for those who are in the uk or the us this problem might seem not serious but in many eastern europe countries it is a problem.

I don't think the race of the father should play any role in this desicion; that's just racist and so very 1800's. I'd tell you to keep the baby right now, if there weren't other factors.

The fact that you don't love him is important. Because honestly, if you wanted to keep the baby, i'd seriously suggest marrying the father. And a loveless marriage just because of a baby is also so 1800's. Plus, you do't want children at this point. This is totally your desicion; and I think that you have a level head, so if you think about your options and weigh them logically, you'll come to the desicion that is right for you.

But seriously... The fact that skin color is even an issue to you makes me think down upon you as a mother figure. You couldn't love the child? It would have features like yours! It would just be a beautiful caramel child :)

i honestly think abortion is your best option. I wouldn't want to be that poor kid.

I do feel that it is your choice but it already sounds like you have made up your mind. I would never want to bring something into this world that I did not want or felt that I could not love. I do agree with .Cairifiry and .Eiri in a lot of ways but I am here for your support! Even if the guy says he will be around for you one day, does not mean that he will be around the next day.
I wish you the best with your decision, a decision that you will be happy with!

I understand your issues with race, and although I think thatrace doesn't matter to me, that is all! It matters to you obviously, and that is okay. I am not here to judge you, because that is not helping.

You have to do what is right for you, I do not live in your country, so I cannot understand what you would go through as far as hvaing a mixed race baby.

But being a single mom is very difficult, ask anyone who has done it, and somehting many women try and avoid.

Thank you very much for your support.
Say frankly I am very shocked that in the uk they do abortions until 24th week of pregnancy. It is allowed in my country only until 12 weeks because when a fetus is ~15 weeks it starts to move already and it becomes partially a human. I myself am 8 weeks and consider it as a late abortion but taking in consideration this forum it seems not so late.
I haven’t made my mind yet. The only time I had abortion I was ashamed that young dependant single girls can do it (i.E. To have and raise a baby) and me who is mature and independent cannot. So I swore to myself do not do abortion again.
I was pretty excited when I found out about my pregnancy 1 month ago, my bf has been very supportive as well. Suddenly my mind started to change completely. I became scared, shocked and depressed. I realized that I don’t love my bf (or maybe it’s just a consequence of hormone changes in my body???) and I don’t want to move to his place in the uk as he suggested. Although it would be a good chance for me to complete my life. I expressed my doubts to my bf. He told that I am strong enough to keep the baby but he would support me no matter what decision I will make. I’ve got freedom to act! Maybe I wouldn’t mind to keep the baby but my bad mental condition last month exhausted me completely. Every morning I wake up with thoughts “why it happened again?”, “how dark would be the baby?” “would my parents disown their grandchild?” “why I don’t feel love for my tummy?” “why I don’t feel excited?”, “could I love this baby if she/he is going to be not alike me?” I am tired of having so many doubts. I wish I fell in love with the baby the same minute when I learned I am pregnant. I know many women fall in love with their babies no matter what their condition is (single, alone, dependant, young) and only bad external circumstances can lead to abortion. I am not in love with my baby although it should be, I wish it would be otherwise but it is not. I wish I change my mind during the next 2 days but it doesn’t seem to be like that. I wish I want to keep the baby and one part of my heart wants it but this is too little..... I think maybe it is only a pregnancy depression and I would be able to love the baby when it arrives.... But what if not???? I am against adoption of my child.

Adoption is not for every woman, and you should not be pushed to stay pregnant "just in case maybe you will love the baby once it comes out". Yes this can happen, but if you are so unhappy and do not love your baby, then it likely will not change.

Anything under 12 weeks is early, I had an abortion at 7weeks5 days, and most women have an abortion around 6-9 weeks. Most women do not find out they are pregnant until 4-5 weeks, and then you have to take time off of work, get the money together, and find a driver to support you. So it is very common for an abortion to take place at 8 weeks.

One day(if you wanted) when you are ready for baby you will 'know' it, you will feel love and excitement about being pregnant! It is okay if now is the time, an aboriton will not affect your future fertility, and you will have plenty of time to live your life and get things accomplished that you want.

Well say frankly I don't know any woman who could not love their child once it comes out. Also, I don't know any woman that regret that she didn't make abortion and gave a birth to a child.

I have always dreamt about being excited of waiting for the baby, together with the husband (which I don't have). Mine is not the case. Although I have admit that some part of me wants this baby. I told this news to my mum today. She told that she had 2 abortions and she even doesn't remember reason of one of abortion why she did that. She told me, she would support me in any case. She told me that I should decide by myself. Only one day left and I am still in big doubts.... I don't want to regret things. But I believe life would be easier with the child in 7 months. Or... Maybe not?? If I fell in to depression like many girls do I would not be happy at all...
Some one told in this forum, make abortion if you are 100% sure that you want it and it's your decision not forced by someone. I am sure maybe 70% that I want abortion... And have only one day left until my appointment with doctor........ Sorry for this long post but I am in such big pain right now... :(

It is okay to be 70% sure, as long as you are more sure than are not, that's what counts in my opinion. I work in aboriton clinics and talk to women everyday, I hear some that say"i am 90% sure, only because I wish I never even got pregnant right now, maybe if it was later"....

If you are 70% sure you want an aboriton, that means you are 30% sure you want a baby...

I would tell you if you were 30% sure you wnated an aboriton to not do it, because you are ot sure enough!

So saying you are 30% sure you want a baby is the same way, that is not sure enough to have a baby imo.

Thanks caryfairy. I kinda already made decision this morning regarding abortion. It is tough, very tough desicion but I will need to cope with that. It easier because it will be not the first time and I already know what I am going through... I pray though that it would be my last time. I promised to myself from from now and forever - never have sex with the man who you don't see as the father of your kids.
My appointment is tomorrow morning and it will last for several hours. I guess I would come back here with post-abortion syndroms but that's is the price I will have pay for all it.

If you try and be a little bit more positive and realize the more positive ways that you ae doing this, it might be a little more better on you but if you are ever in that much doubt you might want to think about it a little more. Their should be people there also that you can talk to about it.
It is your choice and yours alone and I wish you the best with whatrver your choice is as I realize it is not an easy one to make!

I went today to my ab appointment and had to wait for couple of hours. When they brought in the room a woman after abortion all in tears I got panic. Then they asked me to go to operational desk. I lied down on it and then.... I must confess ... I absolutely got into panic and said I am not doing this......... The doctors got angry cos I was wasting their time and they said "we give you 30 more minutes to think, it is ur last chance". I called to my mom and we were talking and talking. She was supportive regarding abortion... But I didn't dare... I run away from the clinic :(((
now, I am all confused, was it just panic or I really don't want to do abortion??? Stupid girl, if I still want to do abortion I am just wasting my time and money.... :(
they also scared me that I might be not conceive again cos it would be my second ab. Now I am not feeling relieved... I don't know what to do.

More news from silly me. An hour after I came back home from not succeeded abortion appointment, I went back to the clinic and arranged an appointment 2 days ahead. I felt like I just had cold feet and I really want to get rid of this uncovenient situation.... My main reason is, that I am not together with the father and I don't want the child to suffer emotionally not knowing the father at all.
Now, you have all rights to laugh at my undecisiveness...

For once, I agree with lolbah... If you aren't 100% sure about abortion, don't do it. There's probably a very good reason you walked out of the abortion clinic today - you're giving your baby a chance. Ultimately, you will do what you feel is right. But .P.L.E.A.S.E think about this.

No laughs at all!

Some women do this, and I feel I would rather see you walk out and take another two days to decide, than be tooo unsure!

I have been thinking and thinking, and got tired of thinking at all. My consideration was based on practical reasons because I feel nothing (ok, almost nothing) for someone who is inside me. Practical reason made my mind up towards abortion.... Although I am very sad about this decision, I think it is the right decision... I cannot go through all pregnancy with so many doubts in my heart.. It would hurt me and the baby alot. I feel the baby is suffering from my constant undecisiveness whether I want him or not. So my appointment (my last chance) is tomorrow and I am going there...

I would like to be that hero who keeps the baby no matter what because she loves and she wants. Unfortunately, I am not so strong as I would like to be...

I think you are strong for admitting that you are not ready to be a mom..

Women who are not ready for children and cannot afford them are stronger to not have babies, than women who keep having babies and have to be on welfare.

You are strong! Just because people may not like your choice doesn't make you any less strong!

Well said .Cairifairy! I wish you the best toja!