Ok to get it out in the open yes I am 15 and I do not expect to be treated like a child. I am only here to seek some help and that is it. Ok since I was about eight years old I have taken care of my drunk of a mom, my addict sister. And about every single person who walked in the door. I shopped,cooked,cleaned, everything. Recently I have recovered from my apisode with "self-destruction" or so they love to title it as. But no matter what treatment they try and give me I can not seem to recover from my eating problems. And it is truly sad seeing as I am constantly pretending to be fine(one learns to do that with a family like mine :) ) so now I am "purging" again and I cant stop. It is most tedious but I cant seem to shake the urge. So I need some advice before I blow....Hehe funny pun wasnt it lol
it must have been a very difficult upbringing you've had and I feel really sorry to see whats happened to you.
Eating disorders in many ways develop generally as a means for coping and "getting -by" when life is incredibly difficult. In many ways it's a coping strategy your using to help you manage your incredibly difficult circumstances. Ironically it does work but often leads to many problems and complications.
So advice ... Tough one here really ...........
Seek support and possibly some kind of rehabilitation service.
If that option is not available, try using other strategies to help make you feel better about yourself and remove yourself from situations which will tend to exacerbate your anger / anxiety realted feelings. Possibly spend more time with your friends and work towards doing something positive each and every day.
im currently recovering from bulimia, and I totally agree with something whiteboymike's 3rd paragraph (about eating disorders being a way of getting by). Oh, and i've had some "self destruction episodes" too, so no worries.
if you can go see a therapist and get help now, do so. Or maybe rehab or something.
But if that's not possible, find a healthier way to keep yourself alive (because really, while they do kill us, eating disorders can help us survive through some really, really hideous things). What works for some people is throwing yourself completely into something. School, books, music, a period in history. I once had a friend who researched really strange/cool stuff. Movies, even. (im a hitchcock fan myself.) painting writing sculpting sewing photography cooking. Or whatever you love to do. If you have some sort of passion...Music? The arts? Cooking? I don't know. Whatever it is, immerse yourself in it.
Hope that helps, and if it didnt, pm me. Anything I can do...My reasons for bulimia are similar to yours, it seems.
you are really doing am amaziing job trying to recover in a very tough situation. Yes, your eating disorder was a way that you took care of yourself, but now it' s hurting you & you know you need to get away from it. That's the first step ~ knowing you have a problem. So now what?
Well, like you, I realize treatment is not the 'cure'. I went to 2 differetn places for months & still struggled afterwards. But what I now see is that those places planted seeds of hope in me, so that later I started to use what I learned there on my own. Every treatment, therapist, meal plan, support group meeting adds up to recovery in the long run. It's a ssslllooowwww process (took me 10 years to really get over it, and even today I have sometimes when I want to starve or binge, but I don't do it because I have tools to fight off those feelings).
So don't give up! You have your whole life ahead of you & you have a lifetime to figure it out. Start small ~ but start doing something today! I put off recovery for a decade because I was scared & lonely & in denial. Don't waste another day!!!!!! Good luck ~ you can do it!!!!