It sounds like there is a need for changes there.

Are you the sole supporter of the entire household?

Also what are the boundaries with regard to you disciplining the kids?

Can you set the kids up on an allowance system, where if they want something then they have certain chores that they must do in order to have money?

It sounds like she suffers from depression and could be in a severe depression. Have things always been like that with the house being a mess and the kids doing whatever they want?

You may have to set some boundaries regarding the housework and them keeping the house quiet when you are trying to sleep after working.

Counselling may be the best thing for everyone involved.

Yes, there is a giant need for change. I just don't think she or the children are willing. I have tried everything from rewards to punishment for not cleaning or doing as they are told. While I don't mind rewarding them for doing chores I don't feel that I should have to remind them every day and force them to do anything just to pay them for what should have been done in the first place.

As for my wife and the whole punishing thing, if I even seem to raise my voice or just get onto the kids she intervenes and basically tells the kids ignore what he says. I'm really getting fed up with the crap. And when I tell her that I am she just says, "you just want to leave so you can go shack up with some promiscuous person." well, been there, done that! And I can't say that I really had that great of a time or that things were much different than now.

Last night I got off work at 1 am and she came to pick me up. I smoke and the kids have asthma so I don't in the car or the house. So, I smoked before I got in the car. When it got time to leave I got in the drivers side because I hate riding in the passengers side because she keeps the floor piled with trash and junk. She wanted to drive and I told her no so she threw the keys and then got in the car. I was already in the car so I told her she threw them so she could go them. She refused and we just sat there for about 15 minutes not saying a word. I know it might seem childish but I knew there was an argument coming just the same so I wasn't going to get the keys. My temper built up and instead of saying or doing anything I would regret later I just got out and started walking home. I figured she would come get me, not that I cared if she did or not but she didn't. I walked about 8-10 miles to the house and when I did get there the first thing I heard was, "i know you didn't walk home. You got a ride from some promiscuous person and she probably sucked your c***k on the way here." it was around 2:30 when I did get home and I heard this crap until about 5 am. I went to bed as soon as I got there and she stayed in the living room. After about 1 1/2 hours of calling me names (yelling from the living room) she decided to come to bed and start in on me there in the bedroom, so I went and slept on the couch. First thing bright and early she tried to start in again but I just ignored her and she left to an appointment that she had.

So, did I do something wrong to deserve to be treated like this and what should I do because I really just want to leave. I'm tired of it all and sometimes I just wish that I wouldn't wake up the next day. But I love those kids so much that it really hurts to even think about leaving.

I do agree with you that you should not have to pay them for something that they should be doing anyway. It makes matters even worse when you are not getting any support from your wife on the matter.

It sounds like your wife is extremely insecure. I have and ex that used to be that way too. Constantly accusing me of cheating on him. I worked from home and his mother worked for me so when he was at work I was with his mother. The last straw for me came when he accused me of cheating on him when I was out with his mother and grandmother. He knew for a fact that I was with his mother and grandmother too.

As far as her screaming at you like she does that is abuse. If you check the forums regarding relationships nearly all the posts are about women talking about how their spouse is abusive and you rarely hear about a man having to deal with abuse.

It sounds to me like you have tried everything that you can to make things better but you are not getting any co operation for anyone else in the family.

It is highly commendable that you want to stay for the sake of the kids and I do know how hard it can be. Is there any chance that you would still be able to have any kind of visitation with the kids if you did leave?

Is it possible to get into family therapy? If she refuses to go it is a fairly common practice that one spouse can start therapy on their own and then bring the family in to the sessions. Also if she refuses to go you can go for therapy for yourself and learn different ways to deal with her behaviour that will have to force her to act different.

If therapy is not an option I would recommed leaving. I do know that it will be hard to not be able to see the kids and I have heard plenty of guys say that they dated a woman with kids and fell in love with the kids.

One other thing, since you are the only one working, would your leaving have enough of an impact on her finances that she might agree to make some changes? For example if she has time to think about how the bills are gonna get paid, or how they are going to eat or she is faced with getting a job as opposed to doing some cleaning and having some respect for you.

Lastly it sounds like she is either suffering from severe depression or some kind of mental problem and that she seriously needs some professional help.

Yes she is depressed. That I do know for a fact. She has been hospitalized once and has been told recently that she is only 1 point from being hospitalized again.

And yes me leaving would cause a lot of financial problems for her. She probably would not go get a job but move in with her parents. And with the exception of her stalking me or trying to use the kids against me, I wouldn't get to see the kids. Well, maybe after awhile because they would ask her until she gave in. I have left before and was gone a little over a week but she was up at my work constantly or calling all of the time. So it's not like I could get rid of her too easy.

As for the accusations of cheating... When she ran out of women to accuse me of messing with she started in on men and whether or not I was gay. So I have heard it all from her. Even about women on commercials to in magazines. I figure it out in the end I guess.

I do wish you the best of luck with your situation. Hopefully you can get her some kind of help soon.

I just ran into an old friend yesterday. We kind of have been out of touch for the past few years, just running into each other occasionally. He met a woman that had 4 kids. They had a 2 yr relationship, she left him and abandoned her kids with him and had no contact with them for 3 yrs. He stood in and played dad and raised the 4 kids as a single dad. After 3 yrs she showed up and wanted her kids back. The kids refused to leave him. He stayed on as the primary care giver for 5 yrs after that and now she bought a house about 50 miles away and plans on taking the kids and moving there. He is absolutely devistated. So I can see where it would be so hard on you to leave the kids.

From what I can tell it looks like you are looking out for the kids best interests. I do think that if you do leave that the kids will insist on seeing you.

If the time comes that you do decide to leave you may have to file a restraining order on her to keep her away from you at work.

Regarding the cheating accusations.. I thought my ex was bad. One night my cousin called me and wanted me to meet him for a cup of coffee cuz he wanted to talk. (girlfriend problems) I declined because it was late and I was still in my pajamas from the morning and had not even showered yet that day. (busy with work all day) when I got off the phone the ex started flipping out screaming "you had this all planned" "you are going out to cheat on me"

that really creeped me out.

I do wish you the best with everything and if you need any advise or jost even need to vent, feel free to contact me anytime.