I asked this on another forum but nobody
said anything.
I got no friends, I don’t go out at all
(unless it’s with my dad sometimes or to
work).. I got the biggest learning
disability you will ever know, I have had
knee surgery, a dad who’s never believed
in me and put me down and blames me for
everything and yells at me all the time
(and hit my sister once), a mom who’s
drank/did drugs/lied to us and when I was
a baby dropped me down the stairs aswell
(she also sold my sister for drugs), if
she dont get her way she cries and trys to
make you feel sorry for her, my sister is
turning into my mom aswell, last time I
had a friend was a year ago..Just 1 but
the whole time it was just to laugh at his
friend about me (i did nothing wrong to
either of them..Justb the way the are in
school and out of school..Talk s**t about
everyone behind their backs), so really I
havn’t had a friend since grade 7 (i’m
almost 22 now...), i’ve wanted and tried
to commit suicide several times (still
think about it alot), never had a g/f or
been on a date or anything because i’m
way to nervous around females (i dont like
gays and never will become one either),
know over 25 deaths in a 10 year span, got
no future in anything, depressed as f***,
still living at home, been to counsellors
but never told them everything because
what do they know? They just got a phd,
have they ever lived a bad life like some
of the people they talk to? I’m not a
good talker what-so-ever, i’m clumbsy, I
can’t let go of the past, I got tons of
really bad karma, I like staying at home
so I don’t have to keep facing
“reality”, used to cry everyday but
now I just play games on my computer so I
try and not think about anything, got bad
health problems and family history of
cancer. I act happy offline because I
rather hide my feelings so nobody would
even guess i'm like this but i'm a happy
person who likes being a smartass and
making people laugh. I used to think
about killing people in the past including
family members. I'm losing it everyday,
sometimes I can't controll myself, nothing
seems to be getting any better and I can't
find 1 damned reason why I need to bother
living this life anymore? I'm afraid to
die but I can't take this anymore and it's
so frusterating and it leads to more
depression and sometimes yelling or maybe
throwing things at the wall or punching
the wall as hard as I can. There is more
but meh you know enough.
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-11-06 19:47pm
Can anyone help?
|
skaterguy777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2006 Posts: 10 Location: Arizona
Wow... Posted: 06-11-06 20:11pm
Dude, thats just terrible.
Try to find a church maybe. My religion
always helps me. Try to get a job and get
out as much as you can.
Try to get a hobbie. You can also go to
the doctor and try to get help.
Try to find people to be friends with.
Theres probably lots of support groups on
the internet or in your town as well.
Once you get enough money, go to high
school or sign up for a community college
if you've already graduated.
The more you stay inside, the more it will
sneak up on you and attack you when you
least expect it. If you get your mind off
of it, you wont think about it, and if you
have friends or a job and people you can
trust they can help you when you're
feeling down.
Just don't turn to drugs or anything, then
you'll end up like your family, and we
both know you don't want that.
Also, remember that you're not alone, and
theres always people who can help, even if
you don't know them that well. And that
you do have a purpouse in life, even if
you don't know what it is. Because what
would be the purpouse of dying? You can
be helped, so don't throw your life away
now. You're only 21, and have your whole
life to live. You have your whole life to
learn,to grow, and to make a change.
Don't let it go to waste.
I'm only 14 but if my tips can help then
its worth spending 10 minutes typing.
|
Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1389 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:59
There Are People Who Care! Posted: 06-11-06 20:28pm
Depression is not something we ask for,
its caused by an imbalance in the brain.
Professionally speaking! I have a
daughter your age. It took me a very long
time to realize how valuable life can be.
I totally agree with skaterguy, find a
church, there are so many good people who
can help you to overcome all of this
sadness. Also, talk to a professional,
they are not only educated, they can
prescribe meds that will "balance" out the
imbalance chemistry in your brain. I
remember all hte times I cried wishing I
were dead. I have so much pain and hurt
inside as well, but it took me almsot 50
years....And the help of god to realize
only you can make you happy. You have the
choice to make yourself happy and to get
out of this rut, or you can choose to
wallow in self pity. I have been blessed
through a brain anuresym, malignant
melanoma and several other
"mishaps"......I appreciate life. Do you
like animals? If you could volunteer to
help out at your local shelter, I know all
would benefit from this. You need to find
something that you care about. Deep down
you do. I know 22 is very young and I
also know what its like not to have a
friend, to be picked last for a team in
school, to be made fun of for having to
wear your aunts altered clothes to school
(8th grade). You have to start believeing
in yourself, or no one else will. Not
sure why I felt I needed to check this
site tonight, until I read what you had
posted. Just wanted you to know you are
never alone. I am greatful for everyday I
have now, to hear, to smell, to see,
because I know there is always someone
else worse off than me. I try to make it
my missions to help someone everyday.
Feel free to pm if you'd like! Keep us
posted please, and keep tht chin
up......Life is what you make of it....
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-11-06 20:47pm
Yeah that's what I figure..Just go outside
alot more. I'm not religious..Find it to
be boring no offense. I just finished an
8 hr shift at work right now and pretty
much only things i've liked since birth
are hockey, animals, women, computer (well
since I first got one and it's games or
just chatting..Can chat for hours), if I
hang out with someone at work (only once),
take risks so pretty much the normal
thing. I've taken meds but they put me to
sleep so I figure whatever, i'll deal
without them and i'll be fine.
|
johnR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 May 2006 Posts: 229
Re: Depressed Posted: 06-12-06 19:09pm
down
wrote:
been to counsellors but
never told them everything because what do
they know? They just got a phd, have
they ever lived a bad life like some of
the people they talk to? I’m not a
good talker what-so-ever, i’m clumbsy, I
can’t let go of the
past,
dude, you gotta learn to let go of the
past and move forward. I know what you
mean about phd's because I went to several
that were worthless, but I am in a
different kind of group now called cbt and
it teaches you to help yourself and has
helped me a lot already. We are using a
book written by a guy who beat depression
and who is not a phd and it has really
resonated with all the people in my group.
You may want to go to your library and
check it out, it's called been there, done
that? Do this! By sam obitz. It's a
simple book and I think it may give you
more hope and if you do the tea form
exercises they can help you help yourself
feel better rather than relying on phds to
get help. I hope you feel better.
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-13-06 02:17am
Well..Call me weird but I really can't
talk to people about my problems (except
online..Of course)...Hell I told my dad I
was pissed and he said "who cares" (even
though it doesn't really matter in this
case...Messed up in photoshop bigtime as
i'm just learning it and it got me pissed
but I can never talk to him unless it's
about 'him" oh and if I did attept suicide
he'd disown me and he'd never come to
visit or anything, if he went to hospital
from a car accident he'd disown me, if he
went to jail for something he'd disown
me..So whatever I have no family I guess
and if he caught me talking about him
online he'd disown me), I don't feel right
when I talk to people either...Sometimes
when i'm out in the public I get so angry
that i'd close my fists and almost put my
nails (though they are short) right
through my skin to draw blood. I don't
feel right and feel too uncomfortable
about it and sometimes think they will
just laugh or something, and sometimes I
might feel dizzy or have alot of pressure
in my head and it keeps building up.
The girls part is fine..Get noticed all
the time and had alot of chances I blew
cuz my problems (mostly hot ones notice
me..Atleast that's all I usually see and I
always look, though when I look at a woman
or a couple I can just cry). I'm just
1 big mess with a billion insecuritys
:lol: musta had lives like this all the
time or something and never learned from
my mistakes...If you believe in that stuff
that is.
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-13-06 03:17am
Oh yeah and from age 1 to age 13 I never
saw my mom..Ran away on us like the p****
of sh** she is (sis used to warship the
devil and nolonger lives with us and told
me she saw her a few months ago pan
handeling)....Btw I edit my posts
sometimes..I start getting other feelings
and wanna add them aswell before the next
reply so you know more and more and not
because i'm making the story up (but if u
dont wanna believe me that's fine afterall
this is online and I just registered).
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-14-06 05:02am
This just in...I think I blew my second
knee just now :( it's not out yet but I
can feel and crack my one and only good
knee when I couldn't before (it feels like
my right knee does just before I tore my
cartalige)because I turned wrong from
hearing a knock at the door at 230am
thinking someone was going to break in.
Two bad knee's...Could life get any worse?
Hell no!
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Re: There Are People Who Care! Posted: 06-18-06 01:42am
fairy*godmother
wrote:
keep us posted please, and
keep tht chin up......Life is what you
make of
it....
ok well I had a nice 2 hour cry and my
last 20 minutes of work I cried...1 worker
was laughing, 1 was scared, the other
wanted me to talk about it but I never
told anyone anything except "i don't wanna
talk about it" so sunday (almost sunday
now) onee of the guys is gonna talk to me
if I want since he's coming over anyway
but if he doesn't talk to me then ohwell.
Btw my knee is fine now and unlocked.
|
johnR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 May 2006 Posts: 229
Posted: 06-19-06 10:24am
down
wrote:
well..Call me weird but I
really can't talk to people about my
problems (except online..Of
course)...
cbt may be just what you need though as it
is not like traditional talk therapy. It
teaches you how to help yourself by
learning to look at things more
objectively and less emotionally. It
sounds like you jump to conclusions a lot
and that's one of the things the cbt stuff
helps you correct. Example you thought
your knee was worse than it was and you
thopught someone was breaking into your
place. Of course you feel crappy when
your think that way. Get some help.
P.S. I'm glad your knee is feeling
better.
|
mmatters
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2006 Posts: 9 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 06-21-06 12:58pm
It sounds like you have a lot on your
mind, a lot of disappointments and a lot
of fear. Have you seen a doctor about
getting on some antidepresants? It also
sounds like you're not really a people
person either. Me neither. I've been let
down by too many. I prefer the company of
animals. My passion is parrots and they
help me a lot in dealing with depression.
They also get me out of the house more.
Parrots need a lot of human interaction
and they're a challenge, keeping my mind
off things a lot more often which is good.
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-22-06 22:29pm
I have to be a people person becuase the
job I have (courtesy clerk so i'm always
around people helping/talking to them).
One problem that got me down today was in
the bus...95% of the time when I sit at a
seat alone the bus fills up and every seat
is taken except next to me (remeber
happens 95% of the time when I find 2
empty seats unless I sit next to someone
where there is 1 empty seat for me instead
of 2) and everyone stands up..It's not
being "paranoid" as it happens 95% of the
time...Maybe 30% of the time sure that
would be paranoid but not 95% of the time
like I said so I know there "has" to be
something wrong with me, obviously. I
shower every single day..I use calogne,
use underarm everytime I leave the
house/after showers and sometimes don't
use calogne so whatever i'm gonna ignore
people on the bus for the end of time.
Get this...All seats are full except next
to me and people are standing now..A seat
gets empty as someone leaves and someone
who's standing goes to that seat and
sits...Hows that make me feel? Makes me
feel like caca and reason why I hate the
whole m**** f***** world, and it's
happened twice or three times in a row on
1 bus ride a few times! Btw I havn't
been the same since I cried at work friday
(i used to talk most of the time..I have
stopped talking though 1 guy today was
asking what's wrong since i'm usually
talking/smiling *well fake smiling* but
whatever dont need to tell everyone
everything so I said i'm fine or
nothing)..The guy who got scared said
nothing and the guy who was gonna talk to
me sunday said nothing so nobody cares I
guess..Ohwell f*** them I say! Been
thinking the last couple of days to see a
doc and get anti depressants (though it
wont solve anything..I'll still be like
this just drowsey from the anti
depressants so they are pretty pointless).
I'm not depressed right now, don't ask
me why :/ tho i'm not happy..I'm just in
between I guess tho not depressed 1 bit
nor happy 1 bit. Anyway
whatever...People are r*tards is all I
gotta keep telling myself.
Edit- no I don't got alot of fear..I only
fear ghosts, death, and I guess bee's
since I always run away from them because
the annoying buzz to the ears and the
sting.
|
mmatters
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2006 Posts: 9 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 06-23-06 08:25am
Maybe, i'm no pro here by far, but if you
go see the doc and get antidepressants, I
know that they slow you down a bit, you
could get a good multi vitamin and maybe
some ginseng or vitamin b to stimulate
activity.
Do you have a hobby that you enjoy? Maybe
find something that you enjoy to do or
think of something that might interest
you.
I also wouldn't worry too much about that
empty seat. Also, you don't really have
to be a people person to have a people
person job, ask me, I know. I'm a
waitress and a good actor. I'm good at
shutting off my non-people person ways :d
I mostly get depressed when i'm home and
I really don't know why :? I have a
decent life, a good husband and 2 boys
that I can't really complain about. I
think I get bored with things way too
easily. The slightest amount of stress
can trigger a depressed state at home.
That's what confuses me, why can I be soo
energetic and bubbly at work and usually
be in a great mood, everyone gets a kick
out of my personality and I don't have any
enemies. So why does a switch go off in
my head when i'm at home??? I need to get
on meds too.
Hey, here ya go. It might sound silly.
Maybe we can make a commitment to each
other to go see the doc in the next 30
days and get help. Talk about what they
gave us and see how it's helping. Maybe
we can help each other out in our
situation. We both know we need help, so
why not get off our butts and get some
:lol:
|
melosh
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Toronto
Posted: 06-23-06 23:05pm
U mentioned u like hockey. Ever think
about joining a team in the beer leagues ?
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-24-06 03:05am
Also mentioned I have 2 knee problems. :p
|
luvkittykats
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 69 Location: north carolina
Posted: 06-25-06 00:05am
Bump
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-29-06 21:25pm
I think i'm going to write every single
problem with me on a piece of paper and
give them to the doctor and ask what anti
depressants are good for this (since you
know by now i'd never ever be able to tell
him my problems)... :lol: I better buy
1000+ sheets of paper, this is going to be
a long night. :shock:
|
Aspiration
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2006 Posts: 22
Posted: 06-29-06 22:52pm
I can understand how you feel about being
rejected and the intelligence problem.
That bus situation seems pretty bad. Do
you feel anything bad about your
appearance? Fortunately I think i'm not a
bad looking person and sometimes I even
think I pretty hot and cute. It's just
the way I act and present myself that
turns people off I guess.
Maybe you should tell the doctor and
someone else all your problems. I don't
think the doctor will judge you as a bad
person. Even if you do get the anti
depressants, the problems would still
remain and nobody deserves to have those
problems.
Peace.
|
down
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2006 Posts: 60
Posted: 06-29-06 23:12pm
I don't find myself good looking at all
but I had several hot chicks intrested in
me in my past. Today I was walking to
the gym and a hotty points at me talking
to her friend and they are talking (not
whispers in the ear), just side by side
looking at me talking, I dunno if it was
caca talk so I wont judge..Then had 2
other not good looking when I was going to
theatre talking caca behind my back, they
might aswell blurt it out they were
talking loud though that's a rare thing I
see so whatever! health forum I shoulda
yelled back at them. People say people
dont look at you but i'm one of those
people that people stare at all the
time..Gets annoying! Hell i've maybe
expierenced 5% of what people
expierence..Rest i've never expierenced at
all.
