Depression Forum - Depressed

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Q: Depressed

asked by: down on June 11th, 2006

Experienced User

Where to start?

I asked this on another forum but nobody said anything.

I got no friends, I don’t go out at all (unless it’s with my dad sometimes or to work).. I got the biggest learning disability you will ever know, I have had knee surgery, a dad who’s never believed in me and put me down and blames me for everything and yells at me all the time (and hit my sister once), a mom who’s drank/did drugs/lied to us and when I was a baby dropped me down the stairs aswell (she also sold my sister for drugs), if she dont get her way she cries and trys to make you feel sorry for her, my sister is turning into my mom aswell, last time I had a friend was a year ago..Just 1 but the whole time it was just to laugh at his friend about me (i did nothing wrong to either of them..Justb the way the are in school and out of school..Talk s**t about everyone behind their backs), so really I havn’t had a friend since grade 7 (i’m almost 22 now...), i’ve wanted and tried to commit suicide several times (still think about it alot), never had a g/f or been on a date or anything because i’m way to nervous around females (i dont like gays and never will become one either), know over 25 deaths in a 10 year span, got no future in anything, depressed as f***, still living at home, been to counsellors but never told them everything because what do they know? They just got a phd, have they ever lived a bad life like some of the people they talk to? I’m not a good talker what-so-ever, i’m clumbsy, I can’t let go of the past, I got tons of really bad karma, I like staying at home so I don’t have to keep facing “reality”, used to cry everyday but now I just play games on my computer so I try and not think about anything, got bad health problems and family history of cancer. I act happy offline because I rather hide my feelings so nobody would even guess i'm like this but i'm a happy person who likes being a smartass and making people laugh. I used to think about killing people in the past including family members. I'm losing it everyday, sometimes I can't controll myself, nothing seems to be getting any better and I can't find 1 damned reason why I need to bother living this life anymore? I'm afraid to die but I can't take this anymore and it's so frusterating and it leads to more depression and sometimes yelling or maybe throwing things at the wall or punching the wall as hard as I can. There is more but meh you know enough.

Replies(25)

down

replied on June 11th, 2006

Experienced User

Can anyone help?

skaterguy777

replied on June 11th, 2006

New User

Wow...

Dude, thats just terrible.

Try to find a church maybe. My religion always helps me. Try to get a job and get out as much as you can.
Try to get a hobbie. You can also go to the doctor and try to get help.
Try to find people to be friends with. Theres probably lots of support groups on the internet or in your town as well. Once you get enough money, go to high school or sign up for a community college if you've already graduated.

The more you stay inside, the more it will sneak up on you and attack you when you least expect it. If you get your mind off of it, you wont think about it, and if you have friends or a job and people you can trust they can help you when you're feeling down.

Just don't turn to drugs or anything, then you'll end up like your family, and we both know you don't want that.

Also, remember that you're not alone, and theres always people who can help, even if you don't know them that well. And that you do have a purpouse in life, even if you don't know what it is. Because what would be the purpouse of dying? You can be helped, so don't throw your life away now. You're only 21, and have your whole life to live. You have your whole life to learn,to grow, and to make a change. Don't let it go to waste.

I'm only 14 but if my tips can help then its worth spending 10 minutes typing.

Fairy Godmother

replied on June 11th, 2006

Supporter

There Are People Who Care!

Depression is not something we ask for, its caused by an imbalance in the brain. Professionally speaking! I have a daughter your age. It took me a very long time to realize how valuable life can be. I totally agree with skaterguy, find a church, there are so many good people who can help you to overcome all of this sadness. Also, talk to a professional, they are not only educated, they can prescribe meds that will "balance" out the imbalance chemistry in your brain. I remember all hte times I cried wishing I were dead. I have so much pain and hurt inside as well, but it took me almsot 50 years....And the help of god to realize only you can make you happy. You have the choice to make yourself happy and to get out of this rut, or you can choose to wallow in self pity. I have been blessed through a brain anuresym, malignant melanoma and several other "mishaps"......I appreciate life. Do you like animals? If you could volunteer to help out at your local shelter, I know all would benefit from this. You need to find something that you care about. Deep down you do. I know 22 is very young and I also know what its like not to have a friend, to be picked last for a team in school, to be made fun of for having to wear your aunts altered clothes to school (8th grade). You have to start believeing in yourself, or no one else will. Not sure why I felt I needed to check this site tonight, until I read what you had posted. Just wanted you to know you are never alone. I am greatful for everyday I have now, to hear, to smell, to see, because I know there is always someone else worse off than me. I try to make it my missions to help someone everyday. Feel free to pm if you'd like! Keep us posted please, and keep tht chin up......Life is what you make of it....

down

replied on June 11th, 2006

Experienced User

Yeah that's what I figure..Just go outside alot more. I'm not religious..Find it to be boring no offense. I just finished an 8 hr shift at work right now and pretty much only things i've liked since birth are hockey, animals, women, computer (well since I first got one and it's games or just chatting..Can chat for hours), if I hang out with someone at work (only once), take risks so pretty much the normal thing. I've taken meds but they put me to sleep so I figure whatever, i'll deal without them and i'll be fine.

johnR

replied on June 12th, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Depressed

down wrote:

been to counsellors but never told them everything because what do they know? They just got a phd, have they ever lived a bad life like some of the people they talk to? I’m not a good talker what-so-ever, i’m clumbsy, I can’t let go of the past,

dude, you gotta learn to let go of the past and move forward. I know what you mean about phd's because I went to several that were worthless, but I am in a different kind of group now called cbt and it teaches you to help yourself and has helped me a lot already. We are using a book written by a guy who beat depression and who is not a phd and it has really resonated with all the people in my group. You may want to go to your library and check it out, it's called been there, done that? Do this! By sam obitz. It's a simple book and I think it may give you more hope and if you do the tea form exercises they can help you help yourself feel better rather than relying on phds to get help. I hope you feel better.

down

replied on June 13th, 2006

Experienced User

Well..Call me weird but I really can't talk to people about my problems (except online..Of course)...Hell I told my dad I was pissed and he said "who cares" (even though it doesn't really matter in this case...Messed up in photoshop bigtime as i'm just learning it and it got me pissed but I can never talk to him unless it's about 'him" oh and if I did attept suicide he'd disown me and he'd never come to visit or anything, if he went to hospital from a car accident he'd disown me, if he went to jail for something he'd disown me..So whatever I have no family I guess and if he caught me talking about him online he'd disown me), I don't feel right when I talk to people either...Sometimes when i'm out in the public I get so angry that i'd close my fists and almost put my nails (though they are short) right through my skin to draw blood. I don't feel right and feel too uncomfortable about it and sometimes think they will just laugh or something, and sometimes I might feel dizzy or have alot of pressure in my head and it keeps building up. The girls part is fine..Get noticed all the time and had alot of chances I blew cuz my problems (mostly hot ones notice me..Atleast that's all I usually see and I always look, though when I look at a woman or a couple I can just cry). I'm just 1 big mess with a billion insecuritys :lol: musta had lives like this all the time or something and never learned from my mistakes...If you believe in that stuff that is.

down

replied on June 13th, 2006

Experienced User

Oh yeah and from age 1 to age 13 I never saw my mom..Ran away on us like the p**** of sh** she is (sis used to warship the devil and nolonger lives with us and told me she saw her a few months ago pan handeling)....Btw I edit my posts sometimes..I start getting other feelings and wanna add them aswell before the next reply so you know more and more and not because i'm making the story up (but if u dont wanna believe me that's fine afterall this is online and I just registered).

down

replied on June 14th, 2006

Experienced User

This just in...I think I blew my second knee just now :( it's not out yet but I can feel and crack my one and only good knee when I couldn't before (it feels like my right knee does just before I tore my cartalige)because I turned wrong from hearing a knock at the door at 230am thinking someone was going to break in. Two bad knee's...Could life get any worse? Hell no!

down

replied on June 18th, 2006

Experienced User

Re: There Are People Who Care!

fairy*godmother wrote:

keep us posted please, and keep tht chin up......Life is what you make of it....

ok well I had a nice 2 hour cry and my last 20 minutes of work I cried...1 worker was laughing, 1 was scared, the other wanted me to talk about it but I never told anyone anything except "i don't wanna talk about it" so sunday (almost sunday now) onee of the guys is gonna talk to me if I want since he's coming over anyway but if he doesn't talk to me then ohwell. Btw my knee is fine now and unlocked.

johnR

replied on June 19th, 2006

Experienced User

down wrote:

well..Call me weird but I really can't talk to people about my problems (except online..Of course)...

cbt may be just what you need though as it is not like traditional talk therapy. It teaches you how to help yourself by learning to look at things more objectively and less emotionally. It sounds like you jump to conclusions a lot and that's one of the things the cbt stuff helps you correct. Example you thought your knee was worse than it was and you thopught someone was breaking into your place. Of course you feel crappy when your think that way. Get some help.
P.S. I'm glad your knee is feeling better.

mmatters

replied on June 21st, 2006

New User

It sounds like you have a lot on your mind, a lot of disappointments and a lot of fear. Have you seen a doctor about getting on some antidepresants? It also sounds like you're not really a people person either. Me neither. I've been let down by too many. I prefer the company of animals. My passion is parrots and they help me a lot in dealing with depression. They also get me out of the house more. Parrots need a lot of human interaction and they're a challenge, keeping my mind off things a lot more often which is good.

down

replied on June 22nd, 2006

Experienced User

I have to be a people person becuase the job I have (courtesy clerk so i'm always around people helping/talking to them). One problem that got me down today was in the bus...95% of the time when I sit at a seat alone the bus fills up and every seat is taken except next to me (remeber happens 95% of the time when I find 2 empty seats unless I sit next to someone where there is 1 empty seat for me instead of 2) and everyone stands up..It's not being "paranoid" as it happens 95% of the time...Maybe 30% of the time sure that would be paranoid but not 95% of the time like I said so I know there "has" to be something wrong with me, obviously. I shower every single day..I use calogne, use underarm everytime I leave the house/after showers and sometimes don't use calogne so whatever i'm gonna ignore people on the bus for the end of time. Get this...All seats are full except next to me and people are standing now..A seat gets empty as someone leaves and someone who's standing goes to that seat and sits...Hows that make me feel? Makes me feel like caca and reason why I hate the whole m**** f***** world, and it's happened twice or three times in a row on 1 bus ride a few times! Btw I havn't been the same since I cried at work friday (i used to talk most of the time..I have stopped talking though 1 guy today was asking what's wrong since i'm usually talking/smiling *well fake smiling* but whatever dont need to tell everyone everything so I said i'm fine or nothing)..The guy who got scared said nothing and the guy who was gonna talk to me sunday said nothing so nobody cares I guess..Ohwell f*** them I say! Been thinking the last couple of days to see a doc and get anti depressants (though it wont solve anything..I'll still be like this just drowsey from the anti depressants so they are pretty pointless). I'm not depressed right now, don't ask me why :/ tho i'm not happy..I'm just in between I guess tho not depressed 1 bit nor happy 1 bit. Anyway whatever...People are r*tards is all I gotta keep telling myself.

Edit- no I don't got alot of fear..I only fear ghosts, death, and I guess bee's since I always run away from them because the annoying buzz to the ears and the sting.

mmatters

replied on June 23rd, 2006

New User

Maybe, i'm no pro here by far, but if you go see the doc and get antidepressants, I know that they slow you down a bit, you could get a good multi vitamin and maybe some ginseng or vitamin b to stimulate activity.

Do you have a hobby that you enjoy? Maybe find something that you enjoy to do or think of something that might interest you.

I also wouldn't worry too much about that empty seat. Also, you don't really have to be a people person to have a people person job, ask me, I know. I'm a waitress and a good actor. I'm good at shutting off my non-people person ways :d I mostly get depressed when i'm home and I really don't know why :? I have a decent life, a good husband and 2 boys that I can't really complain about. I think I get bored with things way too easily. The slightest amount of stress can trigger a depressed state at home. That's what confuses me, why can I be soo energetic and bubbly at work and usually be in a great mood, everyone gets a kick out of my personality and I don't have any enemies. So why does a switch go off in my head when i'm at home??? I need to get on meds too.

Hey, here ya go. It might sound silly. Maybe we can make a commitment to each other to go see the doc in the next 30 days and get help. Talk about what they gave us and see how it's helping. Maybe we can help each other out in our situation. We both know we need help, so why not get off our butts and get some :lol:

melosh

replied on June 23rd, 2006

New User

U mentioned u like hockey. Ever think about joining a team in the beer leagues ?

down

replied on June 24th, 2006

Experienced User

Also mentioned I have 2 knee problems. :p

luvkittykats

replied on June 25th, 2006

Experienced User

Bump

down

replied on June 29th, 2006

Experienced User

I think i'm going to write every single problem with me on a piece of paper and give them to the doctor and ask what anti depressants are good for this (since you know by now i'd never ever be able to tell him my problems)... :lol: I better buy 1000 sheets of paper, this is going to be a long night. :shock:

Aspiration

replied on June 29th, 2006

New User

I can understand how you feel about being rejected and the intelligence problem. That bus situation seems pretty bad. Do you feel anything bad about your appearance? Fortunately I think i'm not a bad looking person and sometimes I even think I pretty hot and cute. It's just the way I act and present myself that turns people off I guess.

Maybe you should tell the doctor and someone else all your problems. I don't think the doctor will judge you as a bad person. Even if you do get the anti depressants, the problems would still remain and nobody deserves to have those problems.

Peace.

down

replied on June 29th, 2006

Experienced User

I don't find myself good looking at all but I had several hot chicks intrested in me in my past. Today I was walking to the gym and a hotty points at me talking to her friend and they are talking (not whispers in the ear), just side by side looking at me talking, I dunno if it was caca talk so I wont judge..Then had 2 other not good looking when I was going to theatre talking caca behind my back, they might aswell blurt it out they were talking loud though that's a rare thing I see so whatever! health forum I shoulda yelled back at them. People say people dont look at you but i'm one of those people that people stare at all the time..Gets annoying! Hell i've maybe expierenced 5% of what people expierence..Rest i've never expierenced at all.

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