For about the past year or so I have noticed that I have very strange thoughts. My parents have recently got divorced and are getting back together, but it started before that. Whenever someone gets me something I always think about throwing it at a wall and screaming in their face. I know I would never do that, and I am grateful for what they have done, but I still think about it.
More recently, I have started to think about yelling at my parents and telling them I hate them, and moving out and going to a diffrent family. It makes me feel really guilty and really bad because I have the best family ever, but it still happends.
I also think about harming animals when i'm alone with one (i never have though), but I love animals.
What is wrong with me? I want to tell my dad but i'm scared he'll be mad at me, even though he is understanding. I am afraid that i'll get sent to jail or something, even though I know none of this will ever actually happen. I'm really scared, and I want to tell someone, but I don't want them think of me diffrent or think that i'm some crazy lunatic. What do I do?
I have had similar. Most of mine however are me being passive, like i'm just watching a film - not me but other people commiting violent things. Rarely I see myself doing anything. It is frightening and horrible and hard to switch off. My dad said he has sometimes had horrible bad words in his mind that do not come from him - my dad never ever swears, so for him this is so against his character.
The only way I can explain these thoughts is a loss of control or a fear of loss of control - of yourself or other people losing it. Its part of anxiety I think, it affects your thoughts and images in your mind you don't choose or want.
The point is - it concenrs you, you love animals and you are in control of your actions. The thoughts you are getting is an extension or exaggeration of your fears - losing control, especially the things you hate the most. For my dad and myself - it is things we hate the most that goes through our minds. It gets you off-guard though doesnt it, like when you're not even thinking about anything, do you find this too?
What I try to do is rationalise it, say "this isnt me, it is my anxiety" and I try to think of something positive and nice. I try to not worry about it and it soon passes. You're not going mad because you are aware of these thoughts, and you are aware it is not who you really are. Hold onto that.
I too have had a problem with this and I agree with loopy-one.. I just had a thought about punching my dog for no reason and became very upset after it flew threw my head, thoughts like that make me feel insane. but I think it's just fear of loss of control.
Every so often I'll get a flurry of bizarre thoughts, what I would look like after a car accident, going to a pet store and buying some puppies and then throwing them off a bridge or something, punching a coworker... But the thoughts are so transitory that I never entertain them. It's like they are occurring in some safe bubble that I am in control of. In my 27 + years on the planet I've done a semi-good job of not acting on these mondo-bizarro kooky thoughts