Not Quite Sure What to Do... Posted: 06-08-06 13:50pm
Hi guys-
i am new at this so I think I need some
advise from like minded people! I have
been fighting an bulimia (and a little bit
if anorexia) for about 9 years now. I
starting purging and focusing on my weight
a lot in the 7th grade, but was not
diagnosed with an eating disorder until
the 9th grade. I was actually tattled on
by a fellow cheerleader! But, getting
help was the best thing for me. For
several years I was doing fine. I have
not purged since my senior year in high
school.
My freshmen year in college I gained maybe
10 lbs putting me at around 135. That was
the highest my weight has ever been! I
also had surgery to remove my gallbladder
which did not help, as I was not able to
exercise or do crunches for a while. I
was extremely unhappy with how I looked.
I have now finished my undergraduate
degree and I have worked hard to knock the
weight off (mainly by running). I now run
and watch what I eat, but I am still very
unhappy with how I look. I thought I had
this thing beat, but it is clear to me now
that I am still battling. Currently I am
around 118-119lbs, but I have a goal of
110lbs.
I know that I am eating less, but that
makes me feel better and I have hopes that
if I loose several pounds then I will be
satisfied with how I look. I know that my
body image is distorted, and I feel like I
need help. So....Thats why I am on this
forum! Does anybody have any suggestions,
or advise? I feel like I need a support
group of people who are not going to tell
me i'm crazy for not being happy with how
I look at this weight.
:?
-meredith
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inezrina
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2005 Posts: 174
Posted: 06-09-06 00:01am
Hi-
you're not crazy! If nothing else I can
tell you aren't crazy or alone.
Congratulations on earning your
undergraduate degree that is awesome.
Sometimes I worry I will never graduate
because all that I seem to really be able
to stick with is my eating disorder or I
should say my eating disorder keeps me
from believing in myself.
Can I ask you some questions? How
different will you look if you lost 8 or 9
pounds? Is it worth all this? What do
u hope losing 8 or 9 pounds will give you?
Or make u feel?
Take care,
rina
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mbmoore
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2006 Posts: 3 Location: NC
Posted: 06-09-06 08:04am
Those are good questions...I think I am
just a little more "fatty" instead of
toned, so I am hoping that losing this
last couple of pounds, along with
exercising will help with that.
Especially with it being summer I am very
self conscious about being in a bathing
suit. If I were a little bit skinnier I
think that I may feel better about it.
Also I have a boyfriend (soon to be
fiance) and we plan on getting married
next year. Sometimes it is hard to let
him touch me when I am feeling like my
love handles are bulging or my arms are
chunky, or when I am full. So, needless
to say that is a problem I do not want to
have on my wedding night!
A little hope for college-
it has been hard, and its hard to focus on
classes when all you think about is what
you will eat and how fat you look today.
But I am living proof that it can be done!
And I still fight with it! This eating
disorder even inspired me to go to
graduate school...Yes to be a
psychologist. Kinda crazy, huh? But I
have decided not to work with people with
eating disorders just because I think it
will be a little too close to home.
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 722
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 06-09-06 10:27am
Well, bu then again, maybe losing weight
won't make you happy, because you'll be
always thirsty for losing some more...
Even if what you want is a good-sheped
body and not a cloud =x
but I fully understand you, I go through
this everyday... :\
