I'm sad too and i'm only 21 years old. This probably won't help you but i'm gonna say it anyways because it's the truth. 52 years old is still young in this day and age and ending it now would only mean you left nothing but a life you regret for others to remember you by. It is possible to turn things around and I would start by going to the doctor to get some medicine that just might help w/your depression. I have faith in you and I know that everything will work out in the end because you sound like a very nice person to me.

hello buttons,

i just joined a few moments ago, and spotted your post. I could have written that post. I am 51, and am going through a difficult time now too.

You sound like you are hating yourself, not to mention blaming yourself...I've been there, and I sometimes still feel that way. It's so hard to reach "mid-life" especially when you look back and can't see anything you can feel proud of. You are here though, and that makes you a survivor. To come to this message board and write what you did is courageous, that in itself is an accomplishment. You are helping others by baring your soul. I immediately felt a kinship with you, and I just want to tell you I understand. I have been crying a lot lately too, sometimes I feel like my heart and soul are being ripped from my body. Nothing dramatic has happened to make me feel this way...I am just sad. I feel as if I am grieving....And I think I may be....Grieving my youth, grieving the fact that I haven't accomplished much. I do know that "what if's" and "should have's" are corrosive and that we need to learn to accept things as they are. We must try to live in the moment and not mourn for the past or wonder about the future. Until we live for this moment, right now, we will make our struggle harder.

Coming to boards like these and seeing that we are not alone is helpful. Reading self-help books is as well, and of course seeking professional help if you want it is never a bad idea.

Please take care of yourself, I hope that some of the darkness lifts soon.

“anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.” (author unknown)

love and peace,

shadow_self :)