Hi there.
I'm 21, and have dealt with various forms
of anxiety and depression since my early
teens. This hasn't stopped me from being
very ambitious and generally hardworking
and successful. My dad, who was the
person I was closest to in the world, died
almost a year ago. At the time I was
working as a reporter at a big chain
newspaper and was "asked" (read: heavily
encouraged) to return to work not too
long afterwards. It was horrible-- I had
to sit right next to the ambulance scanner
and was constantly having flashbacks to
being in the ambulance with my dad and
watching him die in the hospital. I was
also asked to write several obituaries. I
managed to numb my emotions enough to
finish the remaining months on my contract
and get out. I was using celexa during
this period, and while it may have helped
me stay afloat, I was uncomfortable with
the way it made me feel woozy and
disconnected and stopped in january.
Since then, I have had three major panic
attacks. I used to have these when I was
younger, although I didn't realize what
they were--whenever I felt really guilty
about something i'd get hot flashes and
palpitations and end up dry heaving-
sometimes for several hours, which brings
me to my question. The panic attacks (if
that's what they are) that i've
experienced in the wake of my dad's death
have lasted for a very long time-- up to 8
or 9 hours, all at a very high and
constant level of anxiety with no relief.
They usually end when I manage to fall
asleep out of exhaustion. Most of the
stuff i've read about panic disorders says
that episodes generally last from 10
minutes to an hour. During these periods,
I have an extremely tight throat, which
sometimes leads to excessive dry heaving
(sorry, I know that's kind of gross!),
elevated heart rate, difficulty breathing,
churning stomach, hot/cold flashes, a
"crawing out of my skin" type feeling, and
also I can't be near anyone. As soon as
someone tries to talk to me or touch me I
feel nauseated. Under normal
circumstances I am a very warm and touchy
person. Two of these recent episodes
have also followed a night of moderate to
heavy drinking (i don't drink often,
usually maybe once a week or once every
two weeks, and I don't get hangovers).
Can anyone relate, or suggest an
alternative to panic attacks? My doctor
is a doll but extremely useless if it's
not an ear infection or a kidney stone.
Thank you.
