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Q: Told My Friend a Deep Secret And Now She May Never Speak to

asked by: Chrissy87 on June 1st, 2006

Experienced User

I was 16 when I got pregnant by a guy I thought was mr.Right in the air force but come to find out he was mr.Wrong.. I had found out he had three other girls pregnant my age and he had been sleeping with a 14 and 15 year old which where I live is child molesting. Now I did nto find this out till a few months into my pregnancy but when I first suspected I was pregnant at 4 weeks I really wanted to terminate my pregnancy and I new it would not be killing anyone because at 4 weeks a heart is not beating so nothing is thier, but they wanted 300 bucks for it and where was I going to get that kind of money at 16 in just a week?

I practically begged my sons dad for money to do it but he refused and I told him when I got to six weeks it would be to late because the childs heart would be beating and he still refused which was making no sense to me because he did not even want this child.

Two weeks later I told my parents and best friend and I told them I was keeping it, the messed up part is when I told him I was 6 weeks and had told my parents he then offered to pay for me to terminate my baby, its like he wanted me to k*** our baby.

Now my son is almost two and I recently told my friend about what I had done, I had never told anyone else because I was so afraid I would lose everyone close to me including my parents. Just a year before I got pregnant my cousins ex had a abortion and my whole family thinks of her a cold blooded killer and I did not want to be looked at as that.

When I told my friend she asked what was the matter with me and how could I even think about terminating the baby. I think now she will never speak to me again, I have tried calling her a few times and no answer, she always picks up when I call.

I feel bad now that I told her this because we have been like sisters for 9 years and now I am afraid she will never speak to me again. The stupid thing is she has been pregnant like four times in two years and the first tme she claimed she had an abortion due to a tubal baby but her mom claims doctors did something to her so she would lose the baby and not be able to carry children anymore all because she was pregnant by a blck man. I do not know what to beleive and I am seriosuly thinking she had an abortion because does the whole doctor story make any damn sense? A doctor could lose thier licence for doing that and get a nifty prison sentence.

The thing that is really scaring me is what if she goes to my parents with this information? My parents would never look at me or speak to me.

I wish a lot that I had misscarried or had the money to terminate my pregnancy before the 6th week because it is so hard. Yes my parents help a lot but that does not make it any better. I am now 19 and all my friends are having fun and I hate it and then I do have friends who have kids but unlike me they are happy, thier childs dads are in thier lifes and love them to death while my sons dad is sitting behind bars in a state thats god know show long from here denying my son and is going to be in jail for 14-18 years. What did I do in life to not deserve a happy ending like my friends got?

:cry: I honestly can not really name any happy times with me and my son. With most parents they hate to be away from thier kids where with me I love being away from him and it is the only time I am happy, when I go over a friends I do not want to come back because I get to be 19 and stay up all night and party and sleep in all day.

I just dont know what to freaking think about anything, sometimes I think I was right for thinking about termintating my pregnancy and then sometimes I think you s*** b*** how could you even think that :cry:

Replies(5)

Moo

replied on June 2nd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Quote:

when I told my friend she asked what was the matter with me and how could I even think about terminating the baby. I think now she will never speak to me again, I have tried calling her a few times and no answer, she always picks up when I call.

I feel bad now that I told her this because we have been like sisters for 9 years and now I am afraid she will never speak to me again.

i'm afriad to say that she's not a real friend. In all honesty I can't even understand why she's ignoring you - the fact was that you thought about having an abortion. Even if she's against termination that's no reason for her to react the way she did when you mentioned you'd simply considered it - you didn't have an abortion, you had your son so she has no reason to be acting that way.

Quote:

the stupid thing is she has been pregnant like four times in two years and the first tme she claimed she had an abortion due to a tubal baby but her mom claims doctors did something to her so she would lose the baby and not be able to carry children anymore all because she was pregnant by a blck man. I do not know what to beleive and I am seriosuly thinking she had an abortion because does the whole doctor story make any damn sense?

i have no idea what to make of that. Maybe her reaction was to do with her own circumstance?

Quote:

the thing that is really scaring me is what if she goes to my parents with this information? My parents would never look at me or speak to me.

from reading your posts in the other forum i'm guessing your family are pretty strict about this but the fact is that you didn't have an abortion, you only considered it. That is no reason to disown your child, it is no reason for you to have all of this guilt eating you up inside.

Quote:

i wish a lot that I had misscarried or had the money to terminate my pregnancy before the 6th week because it is so hard.

i can only imagine how hard it is to have a child so young but being a teenage mum doesn't mean that you cannot enjoy life. It does sound as though you've got it pretty tough with your sons fatherbut it's entirely possible to meet someone else. You're only 19, you've got the rest of your life ahead of you. The right man wont be put off by the fact you had a child at a young age or by the fact that you though about having an abortion.

Quote:

I honestly can not really name any happy times with me and my son.

have you spoken to anyone about this? I mean a professional, a doctor or a therapist? Did you have ppd/pnd?

Quote:

i just dont know what to freaking think about anything, sometimes I think I was right for thinking about termintating my pregnancy and then sometimes I think you s*** b*** how could you even think that

i apologise in advance if this sounds harsh or blunt but the fact is that you didn't have an abortion, you continued the pregnancy. You have to stop living in the past and focusing on that time. However much we may want to go back and do tings differently the reality is that we can't so we have to make the best of the present so that we don't live our lives wondering "what if?"

sandyallen

replied on June 2nd, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

You cannt live your life by would have, could have should have, you must go on in life to try and work your way out of your parents home, have a life and a home of your own, your friend does not sound like a very good friend to me, you need to start building a life with your child and learn to be happy. Someone will come along in life that you will be happy wwith that will except you amd your child but don't be in any hurry.
I wish you the best!
We are here for you.

Tylanas

replied on June 2nd, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Have you considered adoption? Now don't everyone attack me; but isn't it legal for a parent to give their child up for adoption if they feel they cannot care for it, and they want it to have a better home than the one they can provide? It's already been 2 years; I do not see this girl's relationship with her child improving; in fact, I only seeing it tunring into a classic case of child abuse. This is the right place for adoption.

Chrissy87

replied on June 5th, 2006

Experienced User

I would never abuse my child and I do not believe someone would actually say that.

I am against hitting a child under any circumstance. My cousin (the same one who's ex had an abortion) got married to this girl who I do not even understand why he married because she hates children yet my cousin has two and one lives with him. It was not to long after my son was born they were living in my grandmas upstairs apartment and I heard her hit my cousins oldest daughter erica who was 3 at the time, I ran upstairs and started yelling at her and I wanted so bad to just jump on her and start hitting her but I new I could not do that because erica was their and I would never do something like that in front of a child so I just gave her a piece of my mind and took erica and left.

I did look into adoption and I mentioned it to my mom and she started crying over it, I was going to possibly tell her about me wanting to terminate my pregnancy earlier in my pregnancy but seeing how upset she got when I mentioned adoption she would probably have a damn heart attack if I mentioned it. I also could not do adoption because their are people who adopt children and kill them or abuse them and I did not want to be one of those moms who gives their kid up for adoption then 5 years later see them on the news as dead.

Yes I did not terminate my pregnancy so she really has no reason to be angry and she did end up calling me late last night, she claimed she did not answer her phone because her battery was dead but I think it was because she was angry with me and did not want to hurt my feelings by saying that she was.

I honestly do think that I had ppd but I had never went to a doctor to see if I had actually had it. I am planning on going to see a therapist soon and hopefully it will help.

Thank you all for your help

sandyallen

replied on June 5th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Their are more types of abuse than just hiting a child. Their is emotional abuse, your child can see it when you are not happy and their is also verbal abuse. You seem to be keeping this child because your family wants or insists that you do, more as a punishment like thing, you should keep this child because you want to and because he makes you happy and please do not think I am trying to jump down your throat.

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