Getting Over It?

Hi cherry88! Three months is not that long ago! I am not that good with words but I will give it a try. We generally never forget and even though I do not know the reason for your abortion, I am sure that you did what was right at the time. You need to forgive yourself and move on in life. Their are a lot of people you can talk to about this that will give you some support for example, you might want to pm .Jenn .Smithsonn, she might be able to give you some phone #'s to call so you can discuss it with them or call your mental health in your area and please do not take me wrong, I am not saying that you are crazy or anything like that, it is just that they might be able to lead you in the right direction and give you some telephone #'s in your area or someone in your area of who to talk to that will help lead you in the right direction also!

The best to you!

Honestly, it took me like 3 years to "get over it". Though I do think about it to this day. It has been over 7 years since I did it and though I know I did the right thing I still get little bouts of guilt.

If you need a place to talk that gets more then 1 responce a month then try this site:
http://www.Allaboutcounseling .Com/

click on discussions and make a screen name then go to the forum. There is always someone there to help you and bring some clarity to your issue.

Also, it is the best place on earth if your in a codep relationship.

These people have, literally, saved my life at least 2 times with their support, kind words, and pov's that bring clarity to the subject.

If you need to talk then that is the place to go.

Hope this helps.

Thanks so much for your replies its nice to actually get a reply that helps and informative it was..Ive been lookin elsewhere for support. So thanks. So far all ive got is a whole lot of bible bashing,anyways thanks. Im goin go to pm you sandy :)

Another thing to remember is that every woman is different, and you are absolutely not a bad person!!!!

You can take your time with healing, some women overcome guilt and grief faster than others, there is not a 'set time' to recover.

Cherry88,

the process of moving beyond the abortion experience is different for everyone. I had a difficult time, and something that really helped me was this talkline: http://www.4exhale.Org

they are non-judgemental, open to all perspectives and beliefs, and are really helpful in listening and helping you work through what you need to work through.

1-866-4 exhale
(1-866-439–4253)

monday – friday
5 p.M. – 10 p.M. Pacific

saturday – sunday
12 p.M. – 10 p.M. Pacific

good luck! Over time things will get better, and talking about it helps many women.

Mines only been 6weeks, and im still upset:( regret it everyday hun. As u prob know, I speak u all time xxxx

Yeppp :(

Awww babe I love you!!!
Hehe *huggles*

It's been a year and i'm not "over" it quite yet. I think that you will find if you know people who are pregnant and have small children it might make it harder.

I never wanted children before, ever! Then I had the abortion, and my private theory is that some kind of maternal hormone turns on when you become pregnant and it's impossible to drive away. Just like men have been conditioned for thousands of years (or made that way from god, whichever you believe) to want sex with multiple partner to 'spread their seed', I think many women simply cannot fight thousands of years of conditioning to bear children.

I am utterly amazed at my maternal feelings now. My mother was an remains an evil, vile woman and turned me off the concept of having a family for all of my life and yet now I would like two children. I am a career oriented, independent woman with a poor childhood. I just can't figure it out!

Cherry88, I read your comment in my topic but decided to reply here, as I am not "considering" anymore, but trying to get it over.
You asked how do I feel recently. My moods are various, I must say it strongly depends on my physical condition. I am worried that I am not feeling well (still feeling pain), but going to doctor tomorrow so hopefully she will steady me. When I am ok phisically then I feel myself released... Released from problems caused by pregnancy and from unwanted baby. But. This is only the bright side of my feelings. Bad feelings... Ohh... They are unbearable sometimes. One of my reasons for abortion was that I was not in love with the father of baby, moreover, when I learned about pregnancy I started to hate him no matter how much he was supportive. I thought I was doomed to be a single mother and I didn't like that idea. After I did abortion, I became very emotionally attached to my bf. As if he is my last chance to have kids with. Funny, though.
One more thing. Only few people knew about my pregnancy - 2 friends, bf and my mom. When I decided about abortion, I lied to one my friend that I am having it because of medical reasons (she wouldn't have supported me). I lied to my mom that my pregnancy was 6 weeks while it was 9 weeks on abortion day. I was scared that my mom would condemn me about having early sex with the person (although I am 27 and not living with my parents since I was 20). So, only one friend knows my real situation. And you are the only what I have. I am sorry for writting all this nonsence, I just need to talk with someone.
This was my second abortion and I wish I haven't had to make such hard decision. I pray that it was the last time. I want baby. Planned one. With the right man (oh, men never are "right" or become "wrong" after some time).
What is comforting me at the time? Sadly, but it is thinking about having another baby and dreaming of it. Maybe in 6-12 months, if my relationship will be ok. Funny, it calms me down. If my bf says "we will definitely have one at the right time and you will be a very good mother" it makes me forget about the past and think forward.
I am sorry for talking so loads of things that don't make a sense. It is just part of "getting over it". And I hope you will talk as well. I wish you get well soon. Time is healing and everything would be ok.

All who had an abortion recently, I want to encourage to share your thoughts no matter how silly you think they are. I will be there to support you in all way through. Hopefully, we won't come back to this forum one day and it will mean we have healed up.... I wish that time comes sooner than later...
How do you feel, cherry88?

Toja, I dont mind u writing atall, its the post I started so write as much as you like. I think that the more that we write on here the easier it will be to "get over it". Reminds me each time I read someone elses story that im not alone. Its just a shame that the cr@p nurse I had didnt tell me anything about what would happen with my feelings afterwards. She told me how I would/should feel. But I feel that she was totally wrong. As for me, some days I think oh my god I want me baby back, and some days I think it was for the best. I have to remind myself everyday that I made the right decision for me, the baby and my boyf.Or I will go insane and the fact that I cannot cry, I think I cried so much that I cant anymore. But yeah anyway, I just have to look forward, u have a few nice girls on here to talk to too. The good thing about them is they dont judge you, I speak to jaime everyday and it helps soooo much to know shes in the same boat as me. So yah no if u wanna chat to me on this topic go ahead! Anything to make u feel better hun :)

Hey cherry88 and everyone here. I absolutely agree with you, talk does help, especially here where we all are in the same boat.
I had check-up today, I went to the doctor not waiting until 2 weeks cos felt that physical tiresome pain inside me. The doctor has comforted me with words that the abortion has been done very well, it shouldn't affect my fertility in the future (it is the most important thing!!!), and my womb it still sore that's why I feel pain. She prescribed some medication and told I might became fertile very soon. If I start to use contraceptives, after 3 months I can even raise my possibility to conceive. So, generally speaking, it is nothing to worry about.
I talked to my bf yesterday (he lives in the uk and I am in one of the baltic countries, so we mostly communicate by phone), he said that we will have another baby soon. I asked, what did you mean by "soon"? He told that it was me who was complaining about missing my aborted baby and he wants to comfort me by telling "soon". I am sure he wouldn't mind me to conceive again....
And now, what's the conclusion? It is, if I want to have a baby - I can have it whenever I want (with god's grace). So I just have to make the right decision, when. I must say, this possibility makes me feel much better... Makes me feel that I can control the situation...
The worst thing is when you want the baby, but you cannot because of certain reasons. Now I know that I can but don't wanna to hurry with a snap decision...
I am talking too much again lol..... This is the way I comfort myself. And I am always eager to read your stories, your feelings and your daily thoughts. Have a nice weekend, girls!

Well carry on comforting then girl! Cause I like reading your stories too! And I definitely think we are in the same boat now. I mean I communicate with my other half by phone, cause he lives in the u.K! Lol how coincidental is that?Haha im glad to hear that there shouldnt be any complications with your future fertility! Some people have freaked me out in life/this site saying that if you have an abortion you wont be able to concieve in future. And to hear that at my age is freaky cause I do want kids eventually, just not right now. I kinda understood the having a baby part, did you mean if he asked you do get pregnant you would agree? Sorry im babling its late. Have a good weekend girls! You too toja :)

Cherry88, answering to your question, the decision to have baby should be made by 2 people. If my bf convinces me to get pregnant I probably would agree, but not now!! After some time only, not less than 3 months. I have heard many scary things too about being not able to conceive again. I simply try to avoid that information at the moment, we need positive thinking and not scary comments. You shouldn’t worry, my abortion was second and as you can see I had no problems with conception. If an abortion was done well so I don’t think you should worry at all.
Where are from, girl?

I am from the uk too lol im on holiday atm :) yeh I try to ignore what they say too. Id like to know what carifairy thinks cause she's an abortion nurse! Carifairy?

Hey cherry babe... Im feelin ya hun... Its excrutiating trying to recover emotinally from an abortion.....We're here for u... Hopefully one day u jaime and me will all have babies and they will grow up to be the best of friends. Same goes to every woman on here ( apart from the women who dont want any or more children) but I do wish u happiness in whatever you do in ur lives too.. The part that I dont know how to deal with most is how much guilt I feel.......Although I have to say I feel like I deserve to feel it... Ah well same poo different day.... Catch u l8r chrry babe. Luvin ya xx