I can totally relate with him. I am 31 yrs. Old and have been bipolar since I was a small child. It is incredibly hard for me to maintain any kind of relationship. I always warn potential friends or boyfriends of my condition so they can decide whether they can or are willing to handle it or not. I'm am on my second marriage (my first marriage lasted 1 year) and my husband is incredibly understanding and tolerant. It is very hard for me because sometimes I just want to be left alone. I cannot keep friends due to this problem. I will initially be very clingy and hang out with my friends everyday but then I get tired of it and want to be left alone. I won't return phone calls because I get so withdrawn I just don't want to talk to anyone. Many times I will never contact them again. I get really tired of trying to explain myself and make excuses for myself. So if you really want to be with him then just give him his needed space. Tell him to get in touch with you when he is ready for some companionship. It really sucks being bipolar. Some days I love and appreciate my husband very much and other days I can't stand him and want him to just leave me the hell alone. But when I am in those horrible moods I just have to realize that my mood will change eventually and to not do anything rash like file for divorce. Right now i'm pregnant so i'm not on any meds but normally I take three different medications. Unfortunately even when i'm medicated I still have mood swings but I am much better than without anything at all. If he is not already taking meds then it would be very beneficial for him to do so. There really is no easy solution but I hope I helped a little anyway.

Thank you mystical star...You have given me more insight as to what is going on with him and how to deal with this myself

I think you should stick by your friend.. A true friend is always there for him......

How would you go about sticking by a friend who really wants nothing to do with you anymore?

I mean it makes sense to always be there for someone, but its hard to even know when its right to talk to them or try to make conversation, because you typically get blocked out for just trying to have conversation?

That does suck pretty bad knowing that someone could bascially have amazing feelings for you, and then just shut you out as though you were not even there to begin with, and when you try to be a good friend its nothing to them.

Always being there for them when they need it is the type of person I am, but dealing with the ups and downs is a hard thing to handle.. It makes you feel their pain and wish you could help out, but you know you really cant.. Its sad stuff.

Grr

He may be bipolar but it seems he is playing the field. Now he seems to have found a new interest at the gym today. Almost as though I didn't exist. Just last week and even today he was watching me work out. Last week he came over and talked to me for a little. I am a good person and a good friend but I think I am going to keep my distance from him. It seems he has made his decision. He maybe bipolar and I don't know it the illness exaggerates his actions but it seems he doesn't even want to be friends. His actions seem to be just like someone who does not have a mental illness but is trying to be a giggalo.

Haha I know what you mean. I learned that people with this dissorder tend to have a hard time staying in a relationship with just one person.

I guess I finally came to the conclusion that wether you are bipolar or not there is such a thing as self control. Like a person who is addicted to smoking, they would have to work super hard to get themselves clean of cigs, but it wont happen unless if they have self control.

Bipolar dissorder is a dissorder of the brain.. I guess your mind slows down when you are in dipression and what not, so yes that would be very difficult to over come.. But if therapy and or meds help to reduce it, then I think self control would be the highest form of taking care of most any problem anyone has.. They have to come to terms with the fact that they have this dissorder and will go through mood changes, and feel that they would rather be with 2 or 10 people instead of one.. But, just like with anyone else.. The world is full of temptations.. And we all need self control to maintane our cool.

I think everything in life is a mind set. If your mind is set that everyone hates you, then in your world they most certinly do.. But, in reality know one has a reason to hate you.

If you are set on pushing through the day and saying something nice to everyone you see.. Or ust smiling at everyone even if you totally dont want to and have a hatred for them in your heart.. You sure as hell can smile at people and make them think you care.. Its self control.. Bipolar or not you are human.. Therefore you are able to control yourself a little better than you thought..

Dont let this man lean on his illness as a crutch if he knows he has it and hes not taking care of it.

I guess.. If he knows he has it, and he knows that he could hurt you in the process.. Then he probably wouldnt really care without the dissorder.. Because with or without the dissorder if a guy likes a girl enough he will persue her no matter the odds... Its what guys do.. Its in their nature.. Its only natural for a guy to risk the odds and go for the girl in which he cares deeply for.

Ok thats all I have to say

Thank you... I couldn't have said it any better. I was telling my girlfriend about this and she stated that she guess he has an excuse because he is bipolar. I said there is no excuse. I do not know what it is like to be bipolar but I feel the same way. If you know you have an illness that may make you do certain things like be with several people and you know this has caused problems in the pass then you as the individual must take some responsibility for your actions. I remember he kept saying thru no fault of his own that he is a certain way because of the bipolar... I think that you must be responsible and say ok may be I may need therapy to help me control my actions and not let the illness control me. He takes med.. I don't remember which medication but I do not think it is helping and he does not go to therapy which would help. One day he seems to be depressed more than up beat. If you ask him what's wrong he will just say he is tired but I canc see the depression in his face. Sometimes I think I make him uncomfortable because if I come into an area where he is in the gym .. Sometime he leaves quickly. Like the other night.
When I saw him , I spoke to him and kept going. He seemed very warm that night. I don't think I even smiled at him I just spoke and asked how was he and kept going. Maybe the way I responded made him feel uncomfortable but oh well!!! I know you can't help a person unless they are willing to help himself. But I will not let him use his illness as a crutch. I know what it like to be depressed as I use to be when I was younger when I had problems with bulima. I finally overcame that which I know I can't compare it to a bipolar illness but an eating disorder is a mental illness to an extent.. I could have blamed everyone that picked on me as a child because I was overweight for me falling into an eating disorder but I did not and took control over it. He doesn't call me or write to me anymore and if I did not see him at the gym .. I would never see him again. .. As that seems to be a very common trait with bipolar people.

People with bipolar disorder wants someone that is strong and can handle their ups and downs but then they seem to push those very people that would stay by them away.. I guess I will never understand that thinking because I do not have the illness myself.

Deez318 said...
People with bipolar disorder wants someone that is strong and can handle their ups and downs but then they seem to push those very people that would stay by them away.. I guess I will never understand that thinking because I do not have the illness myself.

This is exactly how I feel my gf of over a year just pushed me away and broke things off because she didnt feel in love all the sudden. I was willing to be there through the ups and downs and through it all. Now she only wants to be best friends and I dont want to loose her but its hard when im still in love with her. This break up came out of no where in a week. We were talking about our wedding the week before...Then boom!
To her it makes sense in her head to end it and not even try another solution. But to me it doesnt we were suppose to be in it to the end..Through the good and bad times....In sickness and in health but she just up and ended it when it didnt feel right to her anymore. She says that this was not a bipolar decision. But when you say you love someone and you want to marry them you dont just break it off for no reason and not even try to mend it. Then to want me to be her best friends and never ever leave her. She says she will never loose me but I just lost the love of my life.

I think it might be a bipolar thing but I dont have any proof. She told me early on that bipolar would just keep hurting me when we had a similar situation but we didnt break up. She says this time isnt not bipolar. She cant understand why she doesnt feel any thing anymore she says its not me. She was happy with me and has nothing bad to say about the relationship. So why did it just abrubptly end? I am so lost and confused. What do I do? Hold my feelings in for her. Shut them off? Will this last? Will she feel she loves me again next month? I am trying to be there as a friend and let her know I am never going to leave. But its really hard to stay and be friends when your heart is broken so badly and your still in love.

Help please...

Alwayzluvinu32. Your post was heartbreaking. I was in your exact situation. I was engaged to someone that was bipolar. When I get depressed about the relationship, I come here to read. This is the best thread I have read yet because the person above that does have bipolar explained exactly how it feels, because she used the same words my fiancée used. My ex won’t even talk to me at all. Shut me out completely. I have hundreds of e-mails where he is so in love with me, then they turn dark and ugly and now he claims I ruined his life and his career is falling apart because of me. It’s true they want a strong person to be able to handle them, but then turn on them and say horrible things to push them away. His parents are the only two people he has in his life and they refuse to accept his illness, so every time he breaks it off with a woman, they condone his behavior and think it’s because of the woman and not their son. It’s very sad. He has now dated over 300 women. I was willing to stick through everything with him. The good and the bad. I still love him after all this time. It’s been 17 months since we broke up. Every time we got into a fight, even while we were engaged he hopped back on dating web sites and would post his profile and talk to strange women. I couldn’t take it anymore. I threatened to leave many times, hoping the situation would change. Finally I told him it was over and he came home and kicked me and my daughter on the streets right then and there, without even a goodbye to my daughter. I have tried everything I could think of to forget about him. I am even in a new healthy relationship, with a wonderful man who treats me well, but every day like clock work I find I spend at least half the day thinking about my ex and his illness. I wouldn’t wish this illness on my worse enemy and reading here is the only thing that makes me realize it wasn’t me, and that he will continue on like this and cycle through more women.

I am currently in a relationship with a great guy, he has bipolar. He told me after a month in to our relationship. The first 4 moths was like heaven he told me everyday how much he loved me. I have never been so happy. But thats when things changed he started acting different and i was convinced that he was cheating on me. We are still together and im moving up to the city he is in and things have been really hard to handle. The shutting out and the distance. I love him so much and would stand by him no matter what but just the other day he was so gone in his head i couldnt even speak with him. He said I am depressed and unhappy. Then he called a few hours later and said he was sorry and was just having a hard time with himself. He said he would call me back its been 2 days. I did a lot of research and know he needs his space but it so hard to watch someone you love be in so much pain!! Any advice??

the truth is
it might never work

its hard to deal with things like that and it may only get worse for you

TRY TUNGUSKA BLAST.A FRIEND OF MINE HAS MOOD SWINGS.SHE HAD SUICIDAL
THOUGHTS BEFORE,SHE CONSULTED A PSYCHIATRIST,AND PRESCRIBED ZOLOFT
AN ANTIDEPRESSANT.SHE FEELS WEIRD WITH IT.SHE WAS SO GROUCHY!COULD
NOT KEEP FRIENDS.SO I GAVE HER A SAMPLE OF TUNGUSKA JUICE THAT I USE FOR RELIEVING STRESS,BOOSTING STAMINA,INDUCED SLEEP,FOR BRAIN CLARITY,JUMPSTART A SLUGGISH METABOLISM ETC.SHE IS NOW ON HER SECOND
MONTH,TAKING 1 0Z DAILY EVERY MORNING.THERE IS A GREAT CHANGE IN HER MOOD AND DISPOSITION.

okay i know what your talking about =] im 15 && im Bipolar i have been in a realtion ship for about 2 years and its the hardest thing i'll ever do.....I have so many mood swings and i feal like im hurting him....Things have changed threw time......its Very hard to keep a Relationship when your Bipolar...You dont Trust as much as you could you feal like the person your with wants to be with someone else....and you feal like you have to be Clingy to them...but then maybe after a while you will feal unhappy and you decide to let them go.....i am still in my relationship but we fight alot because im so irratable......to be honest being with someone with Bipolar takes alot of work and maybe he was just looking out for you.....be his friend..dont leave him or act like your mad at him...with my b/f sometimes i cant even stand for him to touch me...or talk to me which dosnet meen i dont love him it just meens that its something i couldnt help...if you were not In love with him..think of it as a good thing that the pressures not going to get put on you...because i know how hard it is..and what im making my b/f is put up with and im thankfull that he loves me enough to do so....

Welcome to the forum, Ashley. It must be super hard when you're fifteen especially!

Hi guys and gals

All I have to say is I am very confused with it all? I am left speechless over what has been happening in my own personal life with a bipolar partner (now ex). Like so many of you my man has forgotten or neglected the life we had to persue something else less meaningful.

Sadly for my partner and I we were just months away from a successful financial life and quality life long plan to accommadate his bipolar "need for space" by living in 3 countries also coupled with a career that can be run efficiently whether he was sick or well in a relaxed and creative atomsphere.
Still it wasn't good enough for him to hang in

I wish you all well and like so many "I live in-love alone, outcasted in a sorrow-filled state".

Is it common for a bipolar male to feel he may have changed his sexual preferences or interests? an example such as a bi-sexuality? does bipolar have ahistory of effecting sexual preferences or interests? any info possible from readers who can help answer this question would give me great insight.

I know I may have been no expert on bipolar and how to handle it but I feel I was treated with no concideration of that from him.

May all our hearts and lives heal swiftly for us all

Hi!

I'm bipolar and I met this amazing girl a while ago. We've been dating for quite some time and I couldn't go a day without seeing her. I feel myself becoming distant from her and I feel ashamed because of it. A part of me wants to be with other women for the wrong reasons, but my conscience is telling me that what I have with her is special and may never be obtainable again if I leave her. I feel conflicted. I have not yet begun taking any medications. Well treatment make me feel normal again and appreciate her the way I used to? I would love it if we were able to work it out. She's very special to me.

Well..........It's Hell. I'm in love with a man who told me I was one of only TWO people that he consisders a FRIEND, eveyone else is just people he knows. Those were HIS words, not MINE. Ironically, he has completely SHUT DOWN on me again for the fourth time. He will not return phonecalls nor emails. Strangely, there is no "heads up" with this type behavior, as everything will be FINE and WONDERFUL; then, you are IGNORED for NO REASON. NONE! UNBELIEVABLE!


He is my "soulmate;" therefore, my love for him is unconditional. Nonetheless, dealing with this type of personality is......................draining. My suggestion to everyone dealing with this illness is to TAKE A MENTAL BREAK! When a bi-polar individual SHUTS YOU OUT, take the opportunity to breathe: take a class, execrcise, manicure, pedicure, movie, etc.

***GOD*****bless you all!

TET
Baltimore, MD

Wow- I have been checking this forum for insight for months, and this last post by "FLY2BWI" could describe my relationship with a coworker/friend/romantic interest. He too will "shut down on me" for weeks to months at a time. He too does not return phone calls or emails. Also, no "heads up" with this behavior- literally one day excitedly making plans with me, blowing kisses into the phone, and the next day he is shut down- as I said, for weeks at a time. I know he is a very complicated man, and his BPD is part of that, but it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard not to take this behavior personally. I just can't understand how you can drastically change the way you treat some one from one day to the next, for no reason. Somewhere down the road he will resurface, and carry on as if nothing has ever happened.

I too love him unconditionally, and am determined to wait out these "episodes", showing that I am still here for him. It's hard not to feel abused, taken advantage of, and to doubt his feelings for me. Even if he could just tell me that he goes through these periods of isolation and that it is nothing to do with me, I would feel a bit better. As it is, I try to call him somewhat regularly (not too often!) and occasionally email, so he knows that I'm thinking of him and that I'm still here for him. I don't know what else to do.

Thanks to everyone for posting their input!

Deeze this is a tough question to answer. I tried being the friend type to my ex girlfriend and all it did was bring me more heartache. I left her alone and she came to me with tears in her eyes. It was almost as if she said the more you attempt to care and love me the more painful and hurtful I will become toward you. In the end my weaknesses were exploited. I was belittled, made responsible for her irresponsible parenting behavior, and blamed for her daughter isolation, which isn't true because I come from a single parent family myself. I would never isolate her brilliant and beautiful 15 year old daughter. After she did all of this to me she still wanted to be friends! I said I don't think so. This type of behavior is NOT indicative of a true friendship. Just be very careful. If it were me and I had to do it all over again I would just have left her alone and moved completely on like I am now.