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Help!! Is He Bipolar???

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Ive been dating my best friend for a little over 2 years. I love him more than anything in the world, but its getting to the point where his actions are making me hate him, and starting to make me hate myself a bit. He was diagnosed with depression when he was younger. What im wondering is if it is possible that his doctors compleatly missed the manic part, because my boyfriend himself doesnt even seem to be remotly aware of it when it happens.

Here are my reasons for thinking he might be bipolar. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, because I want to make sure its a strong possibility before I try and confront him about it needlessly.

Since I have met him, one word I would use to describe him is moody as all hell.

60% of the time he is mildly depressed. Sleeping in, always tired, no motivation, not much of an appitite. Just generaly blah. If I have to be honest, this is my fave "mood" he gets in, because he is awre that he is depressed and is willing to let me hold him and love him and I can get smiles out of him occasionaly. He also makes it very known how much he deeply loves me and cares about me, and how he needs me or he really would be worthless.

15% of the time its bad depression. He curls up in the fetal possition, doesnt respond to the things I say. Its almost as if he isnt there. One time when he was like this, he said that he didnt want to live anymore, and he swallowed a bottle of his dads sleeping pills. I called the police, and they took him to the hospital. Too bad he blaimes me for that... I was just trying to help. I dont want to see my boyfriend die!!

5% he is compleatly normal. Loveing, kind, somewhat motivated, and one might even think he could be seen as a normal happy person.

18% of the time, its like there is a whole diff person taking over his body!!! I can see when he's starting to get into what I assume to be his "manic" moods, because his jaw starts clenching, and his normaly rather squinty eyes get somewhat larger and more alert. When he is like this, I see him staying up till 6-7 in the morning. He is very irritable. If we are out in public, sometimes he will talk so loudly about something compleatly irrelivent that me and my friends look at each other like, "whats going on? What is he talking about? Why is he getting upset?" I feel bad to say this but he embarasses me a lot. Sometimes he tells me that he thinks he is smarter than everyone else in the world, and then begins to talk down to me as almost inferior. While I hate the fact that he talks down to me in those moods, I must admit, its almost nice to see him somewhat self confident when im used to seeing a depressed and insecure man.

And when he drinks... Omg! He tells me he doesnt have an alcohol problem, because its true, he only drinks maybe once every few weeks. But when he does drink, I cant get him to stop. Even tho he may not be addicted to it, it is a problem. If there is only beer avalible, there is only so much his stomach will hold, so he cant get too drunk, but it still brings out the most annoying side of his "mania" sometimes it even comes out after only half of a beer. Which makes me wonder... Hes not drunk, where is this all coming from?? But when he drinks liquor, he is unstopable. One time his father and brother had to hold him down so someone could hose him down to maybe make him calm down. Another time, we were out at the bar, and he saw me looking over at the bartender behind the bar. I was just signaling him for another round, but my bf went off, screaming at the top of his lungs that I was a prostitute! And that I wanted to sleep with everyone in the bar. Extreamly embarassing. He also tried to pick a fight with the bouncer who thru him out that was about 3 times his size =( when we got out of the bar he started walking off by himself screaming out some very depressing nine inch nails lyrics, and crying. I convince him to get in the car with me, he is saying that I dont deserve to live, and its pointless for him to live, so he grabbs the wheel while im driving and tries to steer me into oncoming traffic. When I regained control and screemed, "are you crazy?!?!?" he got real quiet, looked very offended, and then jumped out of the moving car going 35 mph. I left him there to walk home by himself, I wasnt going to endager my life anymore. Next morning he doesnt remember, claims im lying, then starts crying and appologizing.

I feel like im walking on eggshells with him. I find myself hiding very insignificant things from him for fear of sending him off into a tailspin. This has been an emotional rollercoaster from hell. It must be increadibly hard to be bipolar!!! Just dating someone who has it is exausting! I feel my energy and happyness being sucked away. My friends and family want me to drop him. With all of his sweet words, and then his verbal abuse, and pulling close and pushing away has worn me down to where the thought of him makes me sick to my stomach sometimes. =(

so what do you think, does this sound like bipolar? If so, how do I go about telling him? He seems to be scared of me calling him crazy, so I was wondering the most tactful way of approching him.
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First Helper RedsoxGirlMvp101
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replied May 26th, 2006
I Know What Your Going Through
Hey im samantha, I met my boyfriend 2 years ago online. Things were so great at first he made me feel so much more than what I ever felt before. He told me he was bipolar. I didnt know much about it at the time. As time went on things were so great but then he started getting moody breaking up with me for no reason then getting back together with me in an hour saying how much he loves me. When he gets into the depressive state he will tell me how much he loves me and wants to be with me. But when he is in mania he spends all his money on alcohol and drugs goes out every night treats me like crap calls me name tells me he doesnt love me accusing me of being with other people tells me to get him money breaks up with me if I dont but then calls me back saying im sorry and all that.

Lately for the past 2 weeks he has been in mania, he acts like he doesnt want to talk to me and he keeps going out with his friends everynight drinking but when I call his cell he will scream at me just for calling hes out of control right now. At this point I am tired I know how you feel about being exhausted and it is one hell of a roller coaster ride, im to the point where I want to break it off but my mind is telling me go but my heart is telling me stay. I have recently done some research on bipolar I had to do a 5 page paper on it for psychology class. And I found out information that can help me. Bipolar is one of the most misdiagnosed illness because doctors only see the depressive side the dont see the manic, because people dont go to the doctor when they are "happy" or in mania
my bfs name is jon with his bipolar there are 3 of him jon is the normal loving caring would do anything for anyone, im in love with jon he is everything to me. Jonathan is the depressive side where he wants to kill himself and wants to die, during this he will tell me how much he loves me and he dont want to lose me. Jonny is the mania I hate him he drinks, does drugs, gets into trouble and treats me like !**@! -excuse my language- and I cant handle jonny. Like your parents and friends mine also say I should leave him, but I cant I love him more than anything in this world and now I am seeing what bipolar is and I cant leave because its the illness not him so im stuck but I am getting tired of dealing with the mania state its so hard. I read in one of these forums where someone was giving some advice and they said " would you leave someone with cancer" and that made me think. I cant leave because its his illness not him. I think your boyfriend is bipolar. Yours and mine are very much alike in symptoms and I have done some research and I know a little about it. On about approaching him about it, you should sit him down not when he is in mania or depressive and talk to him. Most bipolar people dont believe that they need help, so it would take some convincing to get him to go to the doctor and get it checked. It may even cause problems and fighting but its worth it because the meds can help with the mood swings. I think thats what I am going to do, I want to talk to jon about whats going on and how he is treating me. I know the real jon and this isnt him. I know what I want to say but he is in mania right now and im not sure if its a good time to talk to him. So im waiting. I hope that things work out for you. You can email me if you ever need someone to talk to or need some advice. I know how it feels to love someone with bipolar and its so hard, and confusing and I take everything personal too so im thinking its me but when I think about it its not its his illness. I am also signed up to receive info by email on how to deal with dating a bipolar. Bipolarsupporters.Com is the website its 14 part series and you get emails every couple of days it starts off slow telling you what bipolar is and things but it will get into how to handle it.
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replied May 26th, 2006
Ty for replying! I know this sounds terrible, but I almost wish my boyfriend would go out with his friends for long periods of time and not call. At least I would be able to have some peaceful non stressful time to myself. No my boyfriend is sooooo insecure about the fact that I might be cheating on him that I have to spend all of my time with him. Sometimes I just want to be alone, and I try and tell him I just wanna hang out by myself for a few hours and I catch the hugest guilt trip ever, about how he doesnt want to be alone, and how he wont know what im doing, and how is he supposed to survive knowing that I could be out there with someone. If I try and point out that he is guilt tripping me, he freaks out, "what? How could u say that!! There is no reason to call it guilt tripping unless you have reason to feel guilty... What is it that your not telling me, what are you really planning on doing since your not going to be here." so to appease him, I have no life, my life is him. Is this something that any of you out there are used to? Does your bp mate ever become controlling and overly jelouse/obsesive?
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replied May 26th, 2006
Yes
My boyfriend is very controlling. I have to tell him everything I have done and I have to do everything he says or he will get mad and "punish" me someway usually by like not calling me for a couple of days or something.
I hate that I like a little control but not what I get from him I dont think he would ever pysically abuse me and menatally he does alot. He does put me through guilt trips saying I dont love him and I dont want to be with him all because he wants something my life also revolves around him I drop everything to talk to him make time to be with him and when I want to talk or want to be with him he doesnt have time. Tuesday I called because I could not take the way I was being treated, he was acting like a complete a**hole to me and didnt tell me he loved me just hung up the phone I hate being hung up on so this made me mad so I call him back about 30min later after I stop crying and decide what I was gonna do and I was like hey do you have a min and he was like no I dont I have to get ready and I was like will you please call me back I really need to talk to you and he was like I dont know maybe well see and hung up on me again
he called back but didnt listen to what I had to say. I hate the guilt trips the controlling but he can do anything he wants I feel the same way about needing sometime to myself and I have to take those alot just get my head back together thats what im doing right now.
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replied July 10th, 2011
Experienced User
Old posts, but there it goes.
My bf also used to be very jealous of me, phoning dozens of times when I was out with a friend of mine (girl).He became insane jealous once when a male friend phoned me and we were having dinner together in a restaurant. He nearly broke my mobile, had a tantrum, run away from me and went home.Half an hour later he was phoning me again like nothing had happened.And later on, when he wanted to break up with me he said he was not jealous that day, it was a JOKE.
We are separated now because he got into mania and because Im away on hols, we write to each other (emails) everyday but so far his emails have been so flippant, so sure of himself, etc, today he sent one that says he is actually SAD with everything that happend to us, so things are looking up, it seems the mania is receeding. I told him he needs to see a doctor.
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replied August 17th, 2011
Is he sick or just mean
HELP!!!! Is this man Bipolar or just straight mean....
I have been with this guy for almost 3 years, he is sweet when he wants to be but I find he gets mad over little things. He blames me for all his problems in life and is extremely selfish. this man only thinks about his well being. the other night we got into a fight over milk duds! like come on. I am so depressed as his attitude is to much for me to handle i feel like digging a hole sometimes and hiding...but i love him too much to leave... I dont know what to do and he refuses to get help. he thinks its me not him...typical!
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replied August 17th, 2011
Experienced User
Bipolar is so difficult to live with, you never know where you are. My bf (ex) phoned me 6 times in a day last weekend, saying we are going to get together, wanting to know where I was and with who, and if I had kissed someone, etc, after that he completely disappeared, I phoned him to tell something bad that happened to me monday he didnt even phoned back to give me support or anything, he completely left me on my own. He could have dropped from the earth. This is still going on now, Im not contacting him either, so I really dont know.
Bipolar will mess your mind and break your heart.
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replied August 29th, 2011
Need Advice
Need Advice...My Fiance is bipolar we have been together for 2 1/2 years but been friends for 6 years and engaged for 8 months.He was diagnosed with bipolar right before we started dating while he was in the navy. When we first got together he was on his meds and everything was fine and then after he got out of the military he won't take his meds.He had been out of the military for 2 years now and won't be on any meds won't go back to school won't get a job all he gets a check from the military once a month cause they retired him for be bipolar and having psd but he always says he's gonna go back to school or get a job. I love him and want him to better himself and i know he's bipolar and im not running away from that but it is hurting me cause he won't better himself. 8 months we got engaged but he won't let me set a date i even said if he's not ready i would set a date for 2013 but he still says he will let me know when he's ready.We are both 28 and i want to get married and settle down and want to have kids by the time im 35 but he keeps telling me he doesn't want kids cause he doesn't want them to turn out and be bipolar like he is.I wish he would take his meds and i could help him in anyway. I feel like im losing him cause he's trying to push me away.For the past two months he has been sleeping on the couch and won't come to bed cause he can't sleep at night.He stays up all night and doesn't go to bed till i get up at 6am to leave for work and sleeps all day.Im not scared to be by myself but i do love him and want him to better himself.I don't know what to do any advice?
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replied January 7th, 2012
LEAVE ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!
Ladies, IT'S NOT WORTH IT. I know this sounds harsh but you should all leave your crazy A-hole boyfriends before they drive you insane. Crazy people dont know they're crazy so trying to help is pointless. All you "fiancees", praise which ever god you worship that they're not your husbands. Dealing with a bipolar person is flat-out stupid unless that person is your child. It took me 3 years to figure out my mental abuser ( bipolar boyfriend) was bipolar and another 3 years to leave. If you have been with a crazy person for a long period of time and they refuse to get help, you have two options. Stay and accept them as they are and take the abuse...or leave. After escaping the "relationship" I was in it took me a long time to heal from all the verbal and mental abuse that I endured. I got to the point where I would cringe and have heart palpitations every time he called me, but the crazy part is that he never laid a hand on me. All the secrets, hiding insignificant things, lying to avoid arguments, dealing with embarrassment after public outbursts, and having to deal with being insulted and attacked due to his inflated ego was depressing and exhausting. Nothing I did was ever right or good enough, that is unless HE was in a good mood. If your in a relationship and the bad out weighs the good, then it's time to leave. People who are bipolar will actually turn you into the person they accuse you of being if you stay with them long enough. My advice...leave asap. I can almost guarantee that if the shoe was on the other foot, he'd leave your crazy psychotic self in a heart beat.
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Users who thank Kelly543 for this post: IStillLoveHim 

replied June 12th, 2012
@kelly543 that is sooo true i have been dealing with this for 8 years but i didnt know he was bipolar i just knew that he would say mean things to me and do mean things and act like it was my fault for the whole thing.over the years t has not got any better in fact it has gotten worse.so as of right now i am thinking seriously about leaving and leaving for good.i have been feeling like he is making me go insane and be like him with the constant moodswings and thats one thing i refuse to do because i have children and i dont want them to see me that way,someone has to be sane.thank you for helping me i feel like someone knows what i am going through.
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replied June 12th, 2012
@kelly543 that is sooo true i have been dealing with this for 8 years but i didnt know he was bipolar i just knew that he would say mean things to me and do mean things and act like it was my fault for the whole thing.over the years t has not got any better in fact it has gotten worse.so as of right now i am thinking seriously about leaving and leaving for good.i have been feeling like he is making me go insane and be like him with the constant moodswings and thats one thing i refuse to do because i have children and i dont want them to see me that way,someone has to be sane.thank you for helping me i feel like someone knows what i am going through.
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replied June 14th, 2012
Can someone please tell me how can i know if my b.f is bipolar? Im afraid he might be, hes mood changes frequently and sometimes for no reason, he makes a big deal out of every little thing, but minutes later he will be ok like if nothing hapened. So can omeone please tell me how can i detec if he is bipolar or not? Are this symptons enough for me to know that he is?
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replied June 21st, 2012
Definitely could be. Sounds very familiar. I ruined a relationship, with what should have been, my future wife when I was 20. I had no clue that i was Bipolar until diagnosed later at 22. I would go from elevated great mood to paranoid and thinking that she was cheating on me all the time. (I've had mood swings since I was in junior high). It was hell for us, especially her. I called her up after the dx and told her. She said "I knew it". lol Does anyone in his family have mood swings that you know of or a diagnosis of bipolar? Get his butt to a therapist or psychiatrist if you love him. Good luck!
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replied June 21st, 2012
I think Kelly is mostly right. If they don't want to take the meds, life will be hell for you. -Bipolar Male
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replied June 22nd, 2012
Thank you so much 092448zaxhere1980 for taking your time to reply my message i think that deep inside of me i always knew that he was, but i just didnt want to admit it so i kind of just ignored it but i think i will tell him to look for help im willing to do anything to help him out with this disorder i just hope he realizes that this is the best thing for him because other wise i wouldnt know how to help him out
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replied June 22nd, 2012
No problem Diane. Hope it all works out for you!
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replied June 22nd, 2012
You are young. Don't bother with this relationship. Get a healthy one tha will last. Bipolar relationships are a nightmare.
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replied June 22nd, 2012
Bipolar or Mean? Your point is?
The bottom line is he treats you poorly. What does it matter? You can't change people and even if they put on a shiney front, they will revert to type. Most people male and female alike are fun to be around at first. Take a good hard look at this person. If they are making you sad, hurting you on a continual basis, you are a fool to put up with it. Carrie is right when she says these relationships are a nightmare. Get out before you harm yourself mentally.
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replied June 25th, 2012
I really appreciate all of you guys for your advices and some of you are right sometimes this relationship is really complicated but more than looking at him as a boyfriend i look at him as a person and thats why i would love to help him so if someone knows about any treatment please let me know so that i can tell him about it. I would really appreciate any replies
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replied June 25th, 2012
Hey Diane, just get on the net and start googling "bipolar (manic depressive)" and "living with a bipolar person" You must talk to him and he has to accept it for the relationship to work. If he stays in denial, your relationship is doomed. Once he understands how his moods cycle, it will help him tremendously (writing in a journal helps one see how their moods cycle). Substance abuse is a big problem for us bipolar peeps too. So you have to watch that also. There's always therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists to talk to and you both could go. Later!
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replied July 13th, 2012
I AAA m starting to see the light. Kelly seems so right. I've been with my fiance for 3 years. My daughter is his, but my 9 year old son is not. He's had a traumatic childhood, and has been heavy into drugs up until my daughter was born. I still have my suspicions about it though. I've been researching mood disorders and bipolar and its all come together. He's the type of person that talks the talk, but never walks the walk. He claims he wants a job, wants to feel better, and wants to provide for us and be this all American working dad. However, he's in denial. The way he thinks he treats me and the way he actually treats me are on different planets. If he's not sleeping all day, all night then he's up all night claiming he tried to come to bed but I was hogging it. Little lies I call him out on, which results in a huge fight. We've gone to therepy together but he's managed to always steer clear of getting too deep into why he's got problems. I told him I really think he's got a problem with a mood disorder and he was willing to see a Dr AT FIRST. Now if I remind him of his appointment he thinks I'm demanding that he go, and will stubbornly not show up. He's also told me there's no way in hell he will take any meds. Point, blank period. He can be very sweet, and lovng at times but not more than he's mean, disrespectful, tormenting, and vulgar. He can be so mean. I don't like that my son witnesses this at times. He's getting a disfunctional view of how man and woman should treat one another. Almost everyday I wanna end it. But then I think of how hard its gonna n me and the kids to actually do it. I'm scared if I do end it, he will treat the kids badly not under my supervision. He can be wide awakesd x then dead asleep with in minutes. My daughter is too young to be with him alone. I'm changing into a unhappy person. I am always on pins n needles. I'm embarrassed and nervous he will throw a tantrum whenever we go somewhere. I don't know what to do.
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replied August 13th, 2012
common signs of bipolar disorders include:

1 Sensation impossible, sad, or vacant.
2 Irritability
3 Lack of ability to experience pleasure
4 Exhaustion or loss of energy
5 Psychological and physical sluggishness
6 Hunger or weight changes
7 Sleep problems
8 Attention and storage problems
9 Emotions of worthlessness or guilt
10 Ideas of loss of life or suicide
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