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Help!! Is He Bipolar???

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Jezikaonline

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 2
Location: va
Help!! Is He Bipolar???
Posted: 05-25-06 13:36pm

Ive been dating my best friend for a little over 2 years. I love him more than anything in the world, but its getting to the point where his actions are making me hate him, and starting to make me hate myself a bit. He was diagnosed with depression when he was younger. What im wondering is if it is possible that his doctors compleatly missed the manic part, because my boyfriend himself doesnt even seem to be remotly aware of it when it happens.

Here are my reasons for thinking he might be bipolar. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, because I want to make sure its a strong possibility before I try and confront him about it needlessly.

Since I have met him, one word I would use to describe him is moody as all hell.

60% of the time he is mildly depressed. Sleeping in, always tired, no motivation, not much of an appitite. Just generaly blah. If I have to be honest, this is my fave "mood" he gets in, because he is awre that he is depressed and is willing to let me hold him and love him and I can get smiles out of him occasionaly. He also makes it very known how much he deeply loves me and cares about me, and how he needs me or he really would be worthless.

15% of the time its bad depression. He curls up in the fetal possition, doesnt respond to the things I say. Its almost as if he isnt there. One time when he was like this, he said that he didnt want to live anymore, and he swallowed a bottle of his dads sleeping pills. I called the police, and they took him to the hospital. Too bad he blaimes me for that... I was just trying to help. I dont want to see my boyfriend die!!

5% he is compleatly normal. Loveing, kind, somewhat motivated, and one might even think he could be seen as a normal happy person.

18% of the time, its like there is a whole diff person taking over his body!!! I can see when he's starting to get into what I assume to be his "manic" moods, because his jaw starts clenching, and his normaly rather squinty eyes get somewhat larger and more alert. When he is like this, I see him staying up till 6-7 in the morning. He is very irritable. If we are out in public, sometimes he will talk so loudly about something compleatly irrelivent that me and my friends look at each other like, "whats going on? What is he talking about? Why is he getting upset?" I feel bad to say this but he embarasses me a lot. Sometimes he tells me that he thinks he is smarter than everyone else in the world, and then begins to talk down to me as almost inferior. While I hate the fact that he talks down to me in those moods, I must admit, its almost nice to see him somewhat self confident when im used to seeing a depressed and insecure man.

And when he drinks... Omg! He tells me he doesnt have an alcohol problem, because its true, he only drinks maybe once every few weeks. But when he does drink, I cant get him to stop. Even tho he may not be addicted to it, it is a problem. If there is only beer avalible, there is only so much his stomach will hold, so he cant get too drunk, but it still brings out the most annoying side of his "mania" sometimes it even comes out after only half of a beer. Which makes me wonder... Hes not drunk, where is this all coming from?? But when he drinks liquor, he is unstopable. One time his father and brother had to hold him down so someone could hose him down to maybe make him calm down. Another time, we were out at the bar, and he saw me looking over at the bartender behind the bar. I was just signaling him for another round, but my bf went off, screaming at the top of his lungs that I was a prostitute! And that I wanted to sleep with everyone in the bar. Extreamly embarassing. He also tried to pick a fight with the bouncer who thru him out that was about 3 times his size =( when we got out of the bar he started walking off by himself screaming out some very depressing nine inch nails lyrics, and crying. I convince him to get in the car with me, he is saying that I dont deserve to live, and its pointless for him to live, so he grabbs the wheel while im driving and tries to steer me into oncoming traffic. When I regained control and screemed, "are you crazy?!?!?" he got real quiet, looked very offended, and then jumped out of the moving car going 35 mph. I left him there to walk home by himself, I wasnt going to endager my life anymore. Next morning he doesnt remember, claims im lying, then starts crying and appologizing.

I feel like im walking on eggshells with him. I find myself hiding very insignificant things from him for fear of sending him off into a tailspin. This has been an emotional rollercoaster from hell. It must be increadibly hard to be bipolar!!! Just dating someone who has it is exausting! I feel my energy and happyness being sucked away. My friends and family want me to drop him. With all of his sweet words, and then his verbal abuse, and pulling close and pushing away has worn me down to where the thought of him makes me sick to my stomach sometimes. =(

so what do you think, does this sound like bipolar? If so, how do I go about telling him? He seems to be scared of me calling him crazy, so I was wondering the most tactful way of approching him.
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RedsoxGirlMvp101

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 6
Location: tn
I Know What Your Going Through
Posted: 05-26-06 12:45pm

Hey im samantha, I met my boyfriend 2 years ago online. Things were so great at first he made me feel so much more than what I ever felt before. He told me he was bipolar. I didnt know much about it at the time. As time went on things were so great but then he started getting moody breaking up with me for no reason then getting back together with me in an hour saying how much he loves me. When he gets into the depressive state he will tell me how much he loves me and wants to be with me. But when he is in mania he spends all his money on alcohol and drugs goes out every night treats me like crap calls me name tells me he doesnt love me accusing me of being with other people tells me to get him money breaks up with me if I dont but then calls me back saying im sorry and all that.
Lately for the past 2 weeks he has been in mania, he acts like he doesnt want to talk to me and he keeps going out with his friends everynight drinking but when I call his cell he will scream at me just for calling hes out of control right now. At this point I am tired I know how you feel about being exhausted and it is one hell of a roller coaster ride, im to the point where I want to break it off but my mind is telling me go but my heart is telling me stay. I have recently done some research on bipolar I had to do a 5 page paper on it for psychology class. And I found out information that can help me. Bipolar is one of the most misdiagnosed illness because doctors only see the depressive side the dont see the manic, because people dont go to the doctor when they are "happy" or in mania
my bfs name is jon with his bipolar there are 3 of him jon is the normal loving caring would do anything for anyone, im in love with jon he is everything to me. Jonathan is the depressive side where he wants to kill himself and wants to die, during this he will tell me how much he loves me and he dont want to lose me. Jonny is the mania I hate him he drinks, does drugs, gets into trouble and treats me like caca -excuse my language- and I cant handle jonny. Like your parents and friends mine also say I should leave him, but I cant I love him more than anything in this world and now I am seeing what bipolar is and I cant leave because its the illness not him so im stuck but I am getting tired of dealing with the mania state its so hard. I read in one of these forums where someone was giving some advice and they said " would you leave someone with cancer" and that made me think. I cant leave because its his illness not him. I think your boyfriend is bipolar. Yours and mine are very much alike in symptoms and I have done some research and I know a little about it. On about approaching him about it, you should sit him down not when he is in mania or depressive and talk to him. Most bipolar people dont believe that they need help, so it would take some convincing to get him to go to the doctor and get it checked. It may even cause problems and fighting but its worth it because the meds can help with the mood swings. I think thats what I am going to do, I want to talk to jon about whats going on and how he is treating me. I know the real jon and this isnt him. I know what I want to say but he is in mania right now and im not sure if its a good time to talk to him. So im waiting. I hope that things work out for you. You can email me at red soxgirlmvp101@aol.Com if you ever need someone to talk to or need some advice. I know how it feels to love someone with bipolar and its so hard, and confusing and I take everything personal too so im thinking its me but when I think about it its not its his illness. I am also signed up to receive info by email on how to deal with dating a bipolar. Bipolarsupporters.Com is the website its 14 part series and you get emails every couple of days it starts off slow telling you what bipolar is and things but it will get into how to handle it.
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Jezikaonline

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 2
Location: va

Posted: 05-26-06 21:19pm

Ty for replying! I know this sounds terrible, but I almost wish my boyfriend would go out with his friends for long periods of time and not call. At least I would be able to have some peaceful non stressful time to myself. No my boyfriend is sooooo insecure about the fact that I might be cheating on him that I have to spend all of my time with him. Sometimes I just want to be alone, and I try and tell him I just wanna hang out by myself for a few hours and I catch the hugest guilt trip ever, about how he doesnt want to be alone, and how he wont know what im doing, and how is he supposed to survive knowing that I could be out there with someone. If I try and point out that he is guilt tripping me, he freaks out, "what? How could u say that!! There is no reason to call it guilt tripping unless you have reason to feel guilty... What is it that your not telling me, what are you really planning on doing since your not going to be here." so to appease him, I have no life, my life is him. Is this something that any of you out there are used to? Does your bp mate ever become controlling and overly jelouse/obsesive?
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RedsoxGirlMvp101

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 6
Location: tn
Yes
Posted: 05-26-06 23:12pm

My boyfriend is very controlling. I have to tell him everything I have done and I have to do everything he says or he will get mad and "punish" me someway usually by like not calling me for a couple of days or something.
I hate that I like a little control but not what I get from him I dont think he would ever pysically abuse me and menatally he does alot. He does put me through guilt trips saying I dont love him and I dont want to be with him all because he wants something my life also revolves around him I drop everything to talk to him make time to be with him and when I want to talk or want to be with him he doesnt have time. Tuesday I called because I could not take the way I was being treated, he was acting like a complete a**hole to me and didnt tell me he loved me just hung up the phone I hate being hung up on so this made me mad so I call him back about 30min later after I stop crying and decide what I was gonna do and I was like hey do you have a min and he was like no I dont I have to get ready and I was like will you please call me back I really need to talk to you and he was like I dont know maybe well see and hung up on me again
he called back but didnt listen to what I had to say. I hate the guilt trips the controlling but he can do anything he wants I feel the same way about needing sometime to myself and I have to take those alot just get my head back together thats what im doing right now.
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