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Heartborken And Confused

Ok I met this wonderful guy when I was 2 months pregnant because the real father of my baby ran away to california. Im 21 and im so confused I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. My son calls him dada and he is the god father of him also. All of a sudden out of nowhere for the past 3 months he has been acting different. He moved out with his guy friend and his family after living with me for more then 2 years. He says because he cant deal with my family cause they always get in our business which is true, but im ok with him moving out. The thing that bothers me is he told me he doesnt have the same feeling for me as he use to and he's not sure if he loves me. He told me he doesnt see us together in the future and that im not his ideal girl. This is because im not skinny....I have been trying to lose weight for him and myself, but its taking longer then I thought. I have only lost 55lbs so far from doctor prescribed pills, but I guess to him I dont look any different. Only my friends and family memebers see that im losing weight, but I guess it's getting to him now. Sometimes I think maybe he met another prettier,skinnier girl at his work, but if he did my bestfriend would tell me cause she works right next to him everyday. The only thing she told me is he flirts a lot, but he says thats just him being nice at his job. So im really confused how can you love someone this long and then turn around and say he doesnt anymore? How could all the memories and times we spent together not matter to him anymore? How could he fall in love with my son and now not care about him anymore? I dont get it and my heart hurts so bad. I cry every nigth and I have to take like 3-4 teyonol pms to sleep because so much crap runs through my head at night and it makes it hard to sleep. I have asked him all these questions and he just stays quite and listens and then has nothing to say afterwards. I need answers so bad. I planned on being with him for the rest of my life I dont want anyone else and I love him so much...I feel so empty without him. He broke up with me last nigth over yahoo messanger saying because he will never have the same feelings again, but then when I woke up there was a message saying I love you babe see you after work.......What is that I dont get it? He has been doing this break up and get back together immature stuff for the last 3 months. Nothing is the same and I really need soemone to talk to, but I have no one. I just want what we use to have true love, please help me get it back or explain to me whats going on. Thanks.
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replied May 24th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
You have me to talk to! I cannot tell you what to do or what not to do, only you can do that, you just have to decide if you want to keep playing this game or not. I know that I have given guys chance after chance and it does not change things, it might be okay for a week or two but then it is the same ole stuff, alot of guys flirt, to me, that is nothing but you can't have your cake and eat it too! No man or guy is worth taking extra meds for, to me that is a sign right there! It sounds to me like if I were in your shoes, which I am not, I would sit down and have a heart to heart talk and look at him straight in the eye when I was talking because I would not put up with it, I think you deserve better but you are the one that needs to tell yourself that. You need to do what you feel is right for you!
Just because you are over-weight an you are trying is no excuse for him to be like that, even if you weren't trying.
The best to you!
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replied May 24th, 2006
Heartborken And Confused
I have done the sitting and talking thing so many times in fact just yesterday. I will sit there and cry right in front of him and he's says nothing or tries not to comfort me in anyway. All I know is if it was the other way around I would be right next to him comforting him and telling him how much I love him and want to be there for him and make him feel better. He use to be like this a year ago, but so much is changing now and it's like I have no control over him at all to make him remember that I know he loves me and wants to be with me. It just so hard...Everytime I start talking about memories or anything he will be like im not in the mood to talk about it right now or change the subject. Sometimes I think he's to scared to hurt me and just let me go, but then when he breaks it off why does he want me back? I dont get it, but all I know is it hurts so much and I dont want to be sad anymore and I dotn want my son to see me cry anymore. That hurts the most, but it's so hard to hold back...My throat gets a big lump in it and I start to get all tearing eyes and then I start to cry because just thinking about all this and that it could end kills me inside.
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replied May 25th, 2006
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Re: Heartborken And Confused
deliciousangel4 wrote:
i have done the sitting and talking thing so many times in fact just yesterday. I will sit there and cry right in front of him and he's says nothing or tries not to comfort me in anyway. All I know is if it was the other way around I would be right next to him comforting him and telling him how much I love him and want to be there for him and make him feel better. He use to be like this a year ago, but so much is changing now and it's like I have no control over him at all to make him remember that I know he loves me and wants to be with me. It just so hard...Everytime I start talking about memories or anything he will be like im not in the mood to talk about it right now or change the subject. Sometimes I think he's to scared to hurt me and just let me go, but then when he breaks it off why does he want me back? I dont get it, but all I know is it hurts so much and I dont want to be sad anymore and I dotn want my son to see me cry anymore. That hurts the most, but it's so hard to hold back...My throat gets a big lump in it and I start to get all tearing eyes and then I start to cry because just thinking about all this and that it could end kills me inside.


oh boy do I know exactly how you feel.The only difference is when I did my long heart to heart with him we stayed together.It wasn't due to my weight,it was dur to the fact that he had a drinking problem and would cuss and scream at me when he got wasted and yell at me for things that had nothing to do with me.Yes I puit up with it until last weekend.He is trying now but things are not the same as they were in the begining.When I was reading your post all I could think of was "man,that sounds like jerrid and i'',so I do know and I know how bad it hurts trust me.I wish I could be there to comfort you and stuff.All I can tell you is you will never find out the reason why he does these things,why he breaks it off and then says he loves you.What you need to do the next time he says he loves you and you are broken up,tell him to prove it and be a man.No man treats a woman like that.If I was on the outside looking into my relationship,i would tell myself to break up with him in a heartbeat,but i'm not on the outside and I love him so it is hard.And I know you like it when he says he loves you cause you love him,but please don't let him torture you like this,its not fair to you or your son.If you need to talk you can pm me!
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replied May 25th, 2006
Broken Heart
Your so right in so many ways, just last nigth he pm me....Are you mad at me? I didn't reply until he said I cant get you out of my head...I think I truely do love you. So I wrote back why and he's like I dont know why you told me to listen to my heart and my heart tells me I love you for real. So I talked to him a bit, but I held my grounds and im trying to be strong and not take him back rigth away so he knows what it's like without me. Then maybe he will realize what he's losing and stop doing the whole break up and hurt my heart thing. Im going to take things real slow this time....Im in no rush to have my heart broken again and see how things go, but thank you so much for your advice..Your so right thats how I feel......I love when he tells me he loves me so much, but then when he says he doesnt.....I just feel so empty inside.
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replied May 25th, 2006
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Re: Broken Heart
deliciousangel4 wrote:
your so right in so many ways, just last nigth he pm me....Are you mad at me? I didn't reply until he said I cant get you out of my head...I think I truely do love you. So I wrote back why and he's like I dont know why you told me to listen to my heart and my heart tells me I love you for real. So I talked to him a bit, but I held my grounds and im trying to be strong and not take him back rigth away so he knows what it's like without me. Then maybe he will realize what he's losing and stop doing the whole break up and hurt my heart thing. Im going to take things real slow this time....Im in no rush to have my heart broken again and see how things go, but thank you so much for your advice..Your so right thats how I feel......I love when he tells me he loves me so much, but then when he says he doesnt.....I just feel so empty inside.


i feel the same way.I get all happy when everything is ok but then when things go bad,i'm mad and upset,it;s like he controls my moods and I hate uit so much.We have been fine tha las couple of weeks but when ever something he says makes me mad I get worried,or I look too far into what he says and think about it too much and it makes me a wreck! I try not to cause stress aint doin me no damn bit a good but I can't help it.
You need to stay strong like you are now,and stand your grounds.Maybe when he doesn't have you for a while he'll realize what he lost.But I think when he im's you,you shouldn't respond,and wait and see what he keeps im'ing you.
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replied May 25th, 2006
Heartborken And Confused
Ok I will try the who not responding back thing to his ims....But the only thing is he said he's coming to visit me at my work today.......Im not sure why, but hope its nothing bad.....Well thanks for all your help your very kind and best wishes to your relationship. :wink:
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replied May 25th, 2006
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Deliciousangel
I used to have a lot of the same type of relationship with an ex when he came back, it was good for a couple of weeks then it was the same old garbage. You may never lose the love you have for someone but you definitely lose the respect, even thogh you still love him. I finally met someone that treats me right, even thugh it was scarry as I was wating for the total negative.
Could he be a little gun shy from say his parents relationship or other family members relationships or past relationships. Might he have a drug or a drinking problem or possibly like both guys and girls and not know which way to turn or maybe like I said before, maybe he wants his cake and eat it too. I am sure that a lot of this is going through your mind along with other things, I do not know him, I am not a counselor so it is hard to say.

I just do not like to see you or your child hurting and being upset. You do know now that you have people to talk to that understand. I just hope that you stand your ground as I do understand how it feels to .Love someone and have something like this happen and as far as you being a little overweight, he should be mature enough to realize that beauty is within!

We are here for you if you want to talk as sometimes it is better to talk then to hold it in!

The best to you and your child!!!!!!!!
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replied May 25th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Melissa_20
I am sorry that you have had to go through this with a guy that has a drinking problem, sometimes it is like when they are drinking, men can become totally different people, loud, obnoxious and verbally abusive and sometimes physically abusive and half the time they don't remember the next day but you are right, you can only put up with it for so long even though it is difficult because you still love him, the respect is gone and sure they will change but for how long, some do change permanently but it is rare, others if you get a good two months out of them you are doing good or even one month. I used to be with an alchoholic, it can be a bad and sad situation especially when they are having their high and low mood swings. I am sure glad I am in the relationsip I am in now!
I wish you luck!
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replied May 25th, 2006
Heartborken And Confused
Yeah he;s acting totally nice to me now........And for the questions about him drinking no he doesnt do that or drugs thats why I like him so much.....He's not like the other guys. His family are big drinkers, but so arent mine, btu we both dont drink....So maybe we have learned from our parents mistakes. I think he's afraid of commiting, which is fine because we are still young and im not ready to be married anytime soon, but I do love him and want to be with him so much.
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