I can relate to your story on many levels. Not from personally going through all of them, but a combination of living, and witnessing a lot of them. I had a lot of female friends growing up, and a lot of them had many different issues on their plates, so I kind of became a counsellor of sorts to them. One of which was an extreme depressionalist and also self-mutilated (cut).

The two main pieces of advice I can offer, is to firstly schedule an appointment as soon as possible with a therapist or counsellor, and secondly, find someone you can talk to on a less professonal level...Someone who won't charge you lol.

I have become a bane of depression over the years from a bad incident in my teens...I had a friend who was extremely depressed and noone knew it...And one day he came to me saying he was going to kill himself, and I laughed it off. (i still feel guilty, but I was a kid)...Well, that night, he stopped my laughter.

Depression is serious, very serious, and should be respected for being the damaging issue it is, and treated as an enemy. The more you respect an enemy, the better you will prepare yourself to deal with it, and the more seriously you will take it, heightening your chances of victory over it.

So again, take the steps aforementioned...And if you can't find someone to talk to, just pm me on here, and i'll send you my email addy.

Its seems like you have been threw alot. I am sorry to hear about your baby, and your boyfriend. I am only 18, I have had somethings happen to me in my life as well to make me feel the way you do. When I was 9 my mom died in a car wreck. She was the only person I had ever cared about. I met my dad one time and he didn't claim me. When my mom died I fell apart. I went to go live with my grandfather in the woods, which I was used to doing whatever I wanted to do when my mom was alive. So it was a big change. I felt like I had nobody, my cousins were so jealous of me because I got a horse because my grandfather has a farm. So none of them would talk to me. My brother who I had never really had very much to do with didn't get to see my mom very much because he lived with his dad. And I always felt like he didn't like me because I got to spend more time with our mom than he did. By the time I was around 13 I was smoking weed, and I had only one friend. My grandfather didn't allow me to have friends because he believed it looked bad to have two girls with only one man in the house. He was raised that way. So I didn't have anyone to talk to.



I started feeling like there was no reason for me to live, I started cutting myself and things like that. I did it for along time.I felt it was my way to release all the pain, and also listened to music when I would cut because I felt like the music explainned everything about me. And I started hating myself.

Well around the time I turned 17 I met a guy, he had dated my cousin but they were never serious never had sex or anything. We fell in love. I left my grandfather's to come live with him and his parents. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But we got into an arguement and we broke up one night, so I left. The next day I called him and his mom said he was in rehab for drugs she said I would never see him again. And she also told me my brother went to jail because he gave him the drugs. I was at school, I broke down infront of everyone at school and felt so alone. I tried to call her back she unplugged the phone and told me we would never talk nor see each other again. That same day she called back to the school to tell me his small intestine had ruptured, and he had a 20% chance to live. Once again I started crying. I didn't know what to do.



I didn't have a home, my grandfather wouldn't let me move back home because I had left and when I left he told me it was for good. So my friend's mom let me move in with them. My xboyfriends mom told me when she called the school I would never see him talk to him or even know what hospital he was in. That we would never meet again.




I tried so hard to find him his friends and his mom made sure I couldn't get in touch with him. He stayed in the hospital for over 2 months. I was pregnant, and didn't know it at the time. I stressed myself so much until I lost my baby. Well that made things even worse. Well my friend that I moved in with took me to one of my x's friend's houses, me and the guy both got really drunk and had sex. The biggest mistake I ever made. We never have spoken since. Then my friend's mom kicked me out of her house. So another friend of both mine and my x's gave me a place to live. Thankfully.




Well the guy went back telling my x's other friends that went and saw him in the hospital what I had done. :cry: as soon as I found out he got out of the hospital I went to his house to see him. I didn't know that he knew what had happened between me and his friend but he did. And I lied to him about it. Well he told me he knew.

Alot has changed since he got out of the hospital, we are back together. And I am so glad because I wanted to die so bad for what I had done to him. I never thought he would ever forgive me. But he did. He is the only person I have other than my grandfather. And I love him so much and am so happy to be with him. We live together again.




My point is its not the end. I know it feels like it is but things do get better. And there are people you can talk to. I know you feel like no one understands you and you feel like you have nothing or no one.

And your pretty down, my advice is go to the doctor and get something for depression..




i have been there and I know what its like and it makes a difference just to have someone to talk to. And I promise if you write me I will write you back.

I'm sorry you're going through so much. I wish you could see a therapist. It's really necessary to have a professional you can talk to.

People do let us down at times. It's difficult to take when someone tells you they care about you for a long time, and then they turn on you. I have recent experience with that!

My heart goes out to you. The internet can help when sharing troubles. I do think you need a therapist that you can share these feelings with and it's necessary when you feel like you can't function anymore.

I wish you the best.