I met my boyfriend two years ago online. Everything was so good at first we would talk on the phone for hours and hours, he made me feel so good about myself, I have major depression. Time went on he started acting weird, breaking up with me for no reasons and then getting back within and hour and the next day. I love him more than anything in this world. Things get hard when he goes through mania. He stays out all night drinks, has sex with other girls spends all his money. He gets aggressive and acts like an problem to me. He has stopped talking to me and we dont talk as much anymore. I dont know what to do how to help or how to help myself deal with it. I have thought over and over let him go its too hard your only causing yourself misery, but then I think no he cant help it, I love him so much and I dont know what to do can someone please please give me some advice

I can completely relate to what your experiences have been (minus the cheating). The drinking...Spending all of his money...The irratic behavior...Breaking up with me on a dime and wanting to get back together soon after. I've been through this off and on for 8 years.

From what I can see, your boyfriend will not change. Have you stayed together with him when you know he's sleeping with other girls? You need to get out of this relationship asap. I'm telling you. You will have some good moments but you will never have a normal relationship with this person if he continues down this road. Save yourself. I don't know you, but I know what you're going through. Don't spend as much time as I did hoping and believing "things will be different this time". They won't be.

What has helped me the most right now is that I have found a therapist to help me through this and stay strong. I broke up with my boyfriend last week...He acted horribly all weekend before he moved out...And now he's already texting me with apologies and wanting to be friends. No way. I'm done. I deserve better and so do you. I spent years letting his illness be an excuse for his behavior. Well, i'm done with that. I shouldn't have to suffer anymore and neither should you.

I think i'm in the same situation as both of you, my boyfriend is bipolar i, we broke up 4 months ago, but the last week he came back begging me to come back to him saying that he needs me a lot and he realized how much he loves me and wants me as his wife :s weird... I'm feeling that he's so weak, very depressed and regretting all the bad things he did, being in this situation made him tell me all his secrets which hurt me a lot, he didn't cheat on me i'm sure but I knew that after we broke up he has sex with strange girls, too bad, I was shocked by knowing so, I don't know why, but it's hard too to know that he's so cheap :( I took an antidepressive I couldn't handle the shock, anyway now i'm trying to convince him, he really wants to be a good person, I took him to a shrink ( very good step coz he never accept to visit him or to take meds ) now he's on meds since 3 days, i'm waiting now for him to be good, I encourage him also to pray, study and go to his work... But I don't know what else to do... N.B : when we were apart from each other, I was in a very good mood and I made a good progress in my life, all my friends realized that my mood is really affected when I returned back to him.
The shrink told me that he's depressed now and if I wanna break up I should wait till he gets better, that's why i'm waiting... I cannot say that i'm not in love with him, but i'm really shocked and depressed. I wanna be happy.
My prayers for you both, I congratulate you lalanc for your courage..
And redsoxgirlmvp101, I know how hard it is for you....

My ex boyfriend is going through a tough time after I broke up with him last week. We have gone through a very turbulant 3 years and I finally had to convince myself that he will never change. His erratic mood swings and constant verbal abuse were hurtful. The drinking and staying our all night was also very painful. I never new where he was or with who. People do very stupid and unforgivable things when they are under the influence of a drug or alcohol. He's been begging to get back and although I love and feel sorry for him I need to love and feel sorry for myself and focus on helping me. It's hard when somone you love is suffering and you can't help them. They need to really want the help to make their lives better and those around who love them too. For all those who love somone that has a mental illness or are going through a painful break up. Be strong and there is life after them. Get out meet new people and make new friends. They will help you get through these tough moments. Time will heal the wounds. Learn to forgive and love yourself.

My story is almost cabon copy of most of the stories I read on this forum. My ex-boyfriend of a year started having manic symptoms. He's a bright guy , teaching ta IVY league school but in the two months or so he's exhibiting really bad judgement calls. He drinking is excessive , every night almost he drinks himself into oblivion and he has sex whith other people. He also decided to hold a lecture not in a classroom but in a pub ( ordering pitchers of beer students were all over 21 ).. the word went out to the Master of the college and he was evicted from the college dorm as he was living as a fellow teacher. When he drinks he has the tendency to test me and ask questions if I have cheated or been with other men in the time we've been together. He's done this several times. I know he is cheating because I have found traces of woman hairs other than mine in his bed and bathrroom. Plus the level of intimacy changed. Last time I have seen him he acted irrational and he decided to leave when I have asked him how can he have sex with someone else and be so nice in the messages he sent me. He got furious and said "Okay I am leaving now..." he left even though he had drank 1/2 of bottle of tequila. he lives 1 hr away... I cried myself to sleep that night... I have never been so hurt in my life. later he called to tell me that it was a good thing he left because there was a nasty snow storm heading our way... Also he lied about going on a research trip , when he really went on a spring break this past week... so it seems. I really love him but I cannot put up with the lies... I have sent him an email saying that i have packed his last few things he had in my place and asked him why he goes on pretending to like me while he sleeps with someone else... he responded that he's going through a rough time and that he never stoped loving me and if this is my decision he'll respect it. I have not heard from him now in a week.
Now I miss him so much and I am going through a withdrawal I feel that I should call him because I miss him so much... I really need help I know I did the right thing but I also know I will never find the love this man showed me....I wonder if the bipolar love is really true... because when things were good... It was wonderful. Thanks for reading.

I can fully relate to all of your pain! Unfortunately for me, my relationship lasted 10 years and caused extreme pain to me and to those around me. His moods varied between totally normal to totally irrational. Everybody who met him thought he was wonderful Until he went into a maniac or depressive episode. I was always the one he was angry at and althoug we had built a house together everytime he had an episode I got kicked out of the house and had to stay with family while he begged me to come back and promised me the world. I have finally decided its time that I live a life of peace and not a rollercoaster ride. I have always loved him and been faithful but when it begins to hurt and change you its time to leave.

Im in the same position almost, and really need help. WE've been friends about 7 years, together almost two. We've broken up i thnk abotu 5 or 6 times, always his doingl. but then he alwys asks me back the next day. This time, not so. He dumped me a week ago and I think its for good. He got diagnosed very recently, but hasn't started any treatment (he wont reallytalk to me about that much) He still chats to me on MSN for hours exactly the same as when we were together but without the "I love you's" but then sometimes suddenly flips, like thisafternoon, when we were on the phone, and tells me I'm "So f***ing annoying" and "I'm going to work early because I don't want to talk to you" I want to understand him, I want to help him, but most of all i want to be with him. It is self desctructive I know i should be looking out for myself first and formost, but it just doesn't seem nearly as important to me. I guess I wanna know when this has happaned to you guys, what has your other half said when breaking up, and how soon after have they asked you back? I know I'm looking for some sort of hope, probably false, but I want to be with him again so much. You've all pretty much said that when they have asked you back, they have been so emotional and apologetic, but I don't think mine ever really did that. Last time it happend (before this) I was stayin at his when it happened n he stormed out to work. Whe he came back i was asleep and he just gave me a hug n said "i'm sorry..i've realised i was just in a mood" and that was the end of that for him. What can I do to get us back together? Please please plese help!

Also, I am in the same position as everyone else here. Litterbin I know exactly how you feel except that my exboyfriend has not been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, but I highly suspect that he does have it.

We have been together for about 7 years, most of which have been rocky. One minute he loves me and the next hes highly aggitated and I'm the first person he takes it out on. I often get jealous because he does get annoyed and rude to his family, but not as much as with me and I am the most loving person to him. We dont live together but we would stay at each others apts often. I cook dinner, help him with anything he needs, clean up his apt, decorated his apt, buy him stuff, etc etc. I do everything that leads to being a doormat. Sometimes he tells me Im the greatest person and always wants to have sex with me. Then other times he starts to avoid me and wont stay over or call or answer my texts. We have had very few agruments, usually when i have had a couple and drinks and my resentful side comes out to defend myself for all the verbally abusive things he says when were sober. Our fights are not crazy but he blows them way out of proportion and use to not speak to me for 1-2 weeks. Then in 2007, we had a very minor fight and it escalated mostly because I was trying to get him to rationalize with me and he broke up with me and with no remorse. He didn't speak to me for one month, then gradually came back into the picture and acted like we were a couple. Then in Feb 2008, when I thought we were together I caught him talking to several other girls (on the weekend my grandfather died) and again no remorse. Then i left him and he came back two months later like i was the love of his life. We were so happy for months until January of this year he started to get moody again and thus I started getting snappy with him also. i also noticed that one minute he says Im so smart, unselfish, pretty, and losing weight (cuz thats was something he had wanted me to do) then in the next breath I'm clingy, fat,and stupid. Things seemed okay until he started summer I and II because he is getting his degree in Aug. I know he is stressed and stress could trigger an episode. Anyway I have been leaving him alone. Then two weeks ago he invites me out on a Fri nite. I show up at his house and out of nowhere he says I look like _______ and why does he have to go out with a ________ who doesnt dress nice when there are all these pretty girls. I about died. However, stupidly i go anyway. Then he was nasty to me all night. A mutual friend took note a nicely said hey be nice have a good time and he went nuts and said we were done. On the way home he called me everyname in the book and said he was bored of us. I naturally begged and he said no. He is treating me like I never existed and said this is a long time coming. I just don't understand because if you met me you would see I really an easy going helpful loving person.

The other reasons I think this is more than relationship problems is that the other day we were watching taken and he said he thinks he could join the CIA and I said isnt that a little far fetched and he said that I cut his dreams short. He also has all these ideas of thing hes going to do and rarely completes them. He is always changing his mind about anything and everthing. He use to spend 3 or 4 hours in the gym. I said that that was overkill and he said would you rather I drink to deal with the way I feel. When he has a conflict he can never solve it and has to shut down and not speak for weeks on end (that includes family). He often says inappropriate jokes or comments and ends up offending people we both know. His sister has been diagnosed....Any advise does this sound like the guy has gotten tired of the relationship or is there an underlying problem like bi-polar disorder and if he is cycling is there a chance he will change his mind and come back. I really do love and want to help him or at least change the way I deal with him by not pushing his buttons.

I can relate to all of these posts I just have broken up with my boyfriend yesterday. we were togehter for 3 years and I did everything for him cooked, cleaned, bought him things ect. and I can't ever remember him ever giving me a compliment except to tell me that I was beautiful. he was a taker he never bought me anything the world seem to always revolve around him. and everytime i wanted to bring about a conversation on were our realtionship was heading he would get angry and tell me stop starting trouble. Well yesterday, I made him listen about how I felt from within my heart and he got mad and said that he was a good for nothing bum and he walked into the kitchen grabbed some grapes and plopped down onto his bed. I followed him into the room and said I am not calling you a good for nothing bum I just want to know were I stand and he said you know what just get the f### out of my apt. you make me sick and go find your self another man now if a guy like that really loved me how could he say something so mean? I took the ring that he had given me 3 years ago threw it on his table and left his house and thats it I will never forgive him for those words of YOU MAKE ME SICK. I still care about him but i no longer love him I will never ever get involved with another bipolar b/f ever again

Ialanc I sympathize with you for all that you have went through, but I noticed a few interesting points in your posting. First and foremost you can NOT be anyone's savior. You can't make other people change. They have to want to change for themselves first and foremost. I too got out of a bipolar relationship with my ex-girlfriend and I have struggled with writing to her father. I'm 33 and she's 35. The reason I would like to write is because I'm concerned that one day she's going to go over the edge and really hurt someone. She's very mean, cruel, and vindictive. I'm a Christian and it's taking every ounce of strength for me to get through this. Imagine if someone wasn't as spiritually grounded what that person might do to her. It wasn't disclosed until the very very end of the relationship that she had mental issues. I feel her parents are responsible for not getting her help when she was a teenager and going through this as well as not dealing with her abuse, which she told me she had healed from, but she hadn't. So I empathize with you on the whole contacting the father front. I know how you feel too in that you think you're going alone through this but you're not. I just went through this and finished up after 10mo. to 1 year. I just wanted to share.

Great comments from everyone! Hang in there. These are the things that help me through the break-up remorse moments from the love of my life-soul-mate-bipolar-EX: "I don't know what I want, but I know I DO NOT WANT THAT" and "I feel more safe and relaxed now" and "the next time permanent and damaging lines will be crossed or I will be severely injured or worse, would it feel any better to be going thru this AND BE BADLY INJURED? " and (God forbid) "possibly my kids or family could be injured during an episode" and "its not my area of expertise I am just another person.. and "people w/o bipolar have difficulty getting help for serious issues and continue to have bad behavior in general and we do not even tolerate it then. I'm no enabler"... AND MY FAVORITE, It would be sooo cool if this person loved himself enough to get the right help(meds therapy etc) and learn how to acknowledge and manage his condition and if we ever met again, the conversations would be worth so much more to me, That I can respect". Also think of other relationships in the past that while they may have had other serious issues, they were of the (hate to use the word!) NORMAL KIND! And lastly, with some exceptions, family is the best answer for most B/P's to turn to having the most information and unyielding capacity for love. "Wouldn't you want your kid or family member to come to you?".....

Hello

I think I may just post this elsewhere but as it is bipolar called symptoms related, I hear all the pain unfortunately, I have been in a marriage which am just not so sure on but need to work on priority I have lived a hectic work life and there are quite a number of financial stresses that need to be managed and then when I am thinking of feeling ever so down, dream girl BP comes around

Well, everytime I saw her I was happy, even though she would walk out the office in tears and talk about how nervous she felt and wanted to go back home which is another country and was just sad she would say.and then the next day all happy happy she;d say...she has pushed people away and have heard the drama..saying she just needs to go and be with her family

Well, none of this seemed to matter to me, I mean she was there as I talked on my wife and mine problems, and every day we seemed to get closer months down the line and we cant not see each other, talking about babies and basically going down that direction..

Anyway things were really boiling and I had to call it off to work on the marriage, honourable thing even though I have told me wife and she is standing next to me to get help

Anyway, a couple weeks now, my job came to an end I still have other issues and now am even had suicidal thoughts, and I am a really strong guy in most respects
I called it off and am told by people that is the best thing so work on the marriage..
Thing is, I just so want to be with her and feel happy for hours and then straight down...I have even started going to therapy but no-one seems to understand how bad I have got

Ok, good luck everyone

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Hey relievedBUTdamaged

Sounds you have made the first positive move to getting your normal life back as you say.

You loved the guy so it will hurt for a while - after all it's natural as emotional filled people. And I do know what you mean by damaged - its just horrible.

What I have known from experience and I have seen it in relationships where one partner "tip toes" around another is extremely hard work for the one party and actually very unfair - the cases in hand are almost power type cases and I find it difficult to see where love is involved in something that should be a 50 / 50

Sounds like the beginning to me in where you are now heading - small steps mind you but definitely a healthy beginning.

Best to you