Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

How Do You Know When Its Over?

The question is, what are the signs to move on? Is being loved or the idea of love sometimes stronger than the love itself? How do you know if he is the one or just your first love that isn't meant to last forever? Should you not waste time on someone you love but isn't your true love? Relationships have problems so how do you know if it needs working on or to give up? How do you break up with someone you love? Does love and caring after so many years get mixed up? I'm too confused

any real life stories that can be related to this is much appreciated. I don't know whether I have an unrealistic view of love? Too many disney movies as a child perhaps?
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First Helper b4ifallbehind
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replied May 17th, 2006
Experienced User
I have battled the same questions you have for a year or so now. April 05' me and my fiance broke up. We had been together a long time and I was so broken hearted. I couldn't get out of bed for months. I have come to realize that sometimes love gets in the way of making rational choices for our lives. My ex gave me a really hard time sometimes, and I know that its been a year and I should move on but love stops me. I have the fear that I will never find love again if I give up on him. I have never had feelings for anyone else like I do for him. True love to me is someone you can absolutly not live without, and I dont mean just for a year or so but someone that you can never let go enough to be with anyone else. Love is a tricky thing and it is impossible ot understand. I do know that if the person you are with does not love you as much as you love them and if you put much more into the relationship then they do it is not true love. True love is equal in all things. I believe in the saying "if you love someone let them go if they want to be free and if they come back its meant to be". Sometimes to get the answers we want we must take the hard way out and that means leaving sometimes. I dont know if what I have said makes sence but just play it by ear and try not to force anything, give it time and be patient and that is usually all we can do. Hope that helps
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replied May 25th, 2006
Experienced User
" if you love someone set them free if they come back their yours if they dont they never was" basicly let him go break up with him if he calls or comes back in any way he is yours and if he does not let him go. Also tell him that you need a break apart to see if things work out and that you love him but you need time to think!!! I may be only 17 but I had to do this and for me it worked out for the better... \\\
i hope that it goes the dame way with you!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*good luck~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~
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replied August 26th, 2006
Experienced User
Trust me, be there recently, and one thing I learned when you know you have the right one you will know. My husband and I have been married for a year. And at the time I was not in the mood to be dating anyone..Love at that time was sitting on the back door step. When I found the one I love, I wasnt looking for it, it just happened. There is a connection that you cant stop, rewind, or fast forward..As much as I tried to avoid him getting close to me at all, he did. When I didnt want to talk to him sometimes he left great messages that would make me call him back. Everytime we were around each other, just looking at him set me on fire..I found myself going to the bathroom running cold water and patting myself down just to cool off.. But once I started to work on myself and the thing I wanted from a man, I found him. And we were best friends in high school, then 8 yrs later we were reunited and married the next year. So I say to you have fun, and date a least a year. If you still feel the same way, he will too...And dont be to quick to have sex with a man in the beginning..Bait him a little bit to see if this is what you want..Men sometime judge women who are quick to jump in the sack..If you are a good girl, you will make him wait awhile.. And if he is persiant with sex then you know that is all he is about. If he wants to get to who you really are then be friends and let things lead up to a relationship..
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replied August 29th, 2006
Re: How Do You Know When Its Over?
sh5nton wrote:
the question is, what are the signs to move on? Is being loved or the idea of love sometimes stronger than the love itself? How do you know if he is the one or just your first love that isn't meant to last forever? Should you not waste time on someone you love but isn't your true love? Relationships have problems so how do you know if it needs working on or to give up? How do you break up with someone you love? Does love and caring after so many years get mixed up? I'm too confused

any real life stories that can be related to this is much appreciated. I don't know whether I have an unrealistic view of love? Too many disney movies as a child perhaps?


if you feel that you are more in love with your significant other than he/she is with you, then i'd say, you need to let go and date some other people.


If your significant other is not treating you with respect or is not genuinely thoughtful of your needs, then no matter how much you love them, you have to let go of them.


And hope dearly that you will one day get over the pain and love you feel for them. You shouldn't be with someone you don't trust.

I believe in obsession and adoration more than I believe in love. I believe that people mistake the feelings of adoration and obsession with love. I don't even know if "love" is a word that should ever apply to romantic relationships. I think people should use words other than "love" to describe their strong feelings about someone they're with.
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replied August 29th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
To me. You never lose the love you once had for someon but their are times that it does not grow but to me a relationship is more about respect than anything else as that is what we generally lose for one another.
The best to all!
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replied September 6th, 2006
Experienced User
What if someone has too much respect and principles that what they are doing for the best isn`t really for the best? You love them and know your meant to be, so I don`t think I could set him free and if its right its meant to be, as much as I believe in this saying its too hard to put it into practice when its your own situation.
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replied September 7th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
pinksalter wrote:
what if someone has too much respect and principles that what they are doing for the best isn`t really for the best? You love them and know your meant to be, so I don`t think I could set him free and if its right its meant to be, as much as I believe in this saying its too hard to put it into practice when its your own situation.
the way you can tell if its over.If you have done everything in your power to make it work and can no longer do anything, its over.You both have to be willing to work out your problems.Yes there will be fights but until it gets to the point where you think its getting rediculous you should know. Love and caring go hand in hand so you really can't separate the 2
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replied September 7th, 2006
Experienced User
The only thing I can say is in my situation everyone has a different opinion on when things are over but you just know in your heart when things are done. My ex, I thought he was special but it wasn`t until the guy after him came along that I realised what love was.
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replied October 18th, 2011
Should I or shouldn't I?
I'm in a similar boat. My I've been with the same guy since I was 16. And for 6 years we've been inseperable. I've never really known single life as a woman and I feel a strong urge to date right now but I can't bring myself to break up with him for a number of reasons. I love him dearly, he's my best friend. I know he loves me with all his heart and would do anything to see me happy. I'm so involved with his family, so their feelings are at risk as well. I'm afraid of what I might not find out there, and I don't want to push away the only man who has ever loved me. But on the other hand, I feel like I need to experience single life in order to ever be truely dedicated to any relationship. Help?
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replied October 22nd, 2011
I am tired after 11 years of marriage. Lately everything revolves around him. I can't breath. I loathe this situation, and I think him too. He is so arrogant and knows everything. I feel so small in front of him. He hasnt had a mice thing to say in months. My conversation is over with him. I am feeling dead inside. He makes all the money, so I get treated like nothing. I tired. So back to my real question, is it over??
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replied February 8th, 2012
I feel it is for you. I was married for 9 years and the last 3 I felt like you do now. I have 3 kids and it was the hardest decision I have ever made. I will tell you this if you have told him how you feel, not that your thinking it's time, but how you FEEL when you are with him and he does nothing to change that then it's over. Don't give up with out knowing in your heart you did your best and loved the best you could. Knowing that when you do decide it's over. You will have peace in your heart. I did not shed one tear when I told my Ex it was over and still haven't till this day. I have cried with my kids maybe twice bc they were hurting but even then I knew it was over. Hope this helps. Good luck and love your god and yourself first.
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Users who thank Sweetie79 for this post: Tired2011 

replied February 29th, 2012
Thank you. I am still saddened by this situation. He hasnt changed one bit. I am too afraid to make the first move. We hardly even talk. He is so cold towards me. I can't leave, I need the health coverage and what about my 2 year old son. I feel really bad . God hasn't given me any answers, I am lost and lonely.
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replied March 20th, 2012
Im in the same situation. My husband just left me a month ago and ive tried everything but i dont think he is coming back. Im staring at divorce papers thinking how i have let my kids down with this failed marriage. But tonight i think i have realized that it is over and he isnt coming back. When i called him for help with our kids and his response was they are yours until wednesday i knew he wasnt there for me anymore.
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replied March 30th, 2012
I am in the same boat,11 years married,3 kids,always had a rollercoaster marriage,since diagnosis 4 months ago,everything is blamed on that,for me being in this situation makes me worse,he is trying everything to make it work,I feel dead inside as far as me and him go,I want out but don't want to screw the kids up,what do I do?????
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replied March 27th, 2013
Yes,it is over. You are internally lifeless the way it is now.jmo hope younredescoverbjoy in living, even with less money. You can always recover money.
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replied November 16th, 2011
It is never over if both people are willing to work out the problems. When one is not willing to compromise, or work a situation out- then you should take a step back and really think about it. That is as far as dating someone.
As far as marriage- that is a covenant, not to be broken.
Love is selfless...
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replied March 22nd, 2012
beautiful wrote:
" if you love someone set them free if they come back their yours if they dont they never was" basicly let him go break up with him if he calls or comes back in any way he is yours and if he does not let him go. Also tell him that you need a break apart to see if things work out and that you love him but you need time to think!!! I may be only 17 but I had to do this and for me it worked out for the better... \\\
i hope that it goes the dame way with you!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*good luck~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~




Seems right. But how many couples will come back at that situation?
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replied April 13th, 2012
We Are Responsible For Moving On
Here is the bottom line - love does not prevent us from doing anything; emotions do not prevent us from doing anything - we do. The truth is a hard thing to face, but we live in a world that focuses on non-truths - on ways that we can make what is real, not real, like our bodies, we rationalize things in our relationships and to ourselves. WE are responsible for moving on. No one, nothing prevents us from doing that except for us.

When do we know it's over? We pray about. Sometimes, God does end things for us that we for whatever reason, do not want to let go of. Those endings are not meant for us to feel as if we have lost something. Those endings are meant for us to find something, that maybe we couldn't see or hear during the relationship because of the "noise". The fact of the matter is, relationships are supposed to IN ADDITION to a person who is already a beautiful tower. It isn't supposed to be the piece to finish building it. It is supposed to be the piece that keeps it standing.

My marriage, after 11 years, is ending, and although it hurts, my soon to be ex husband and I have prayed about this a lot and realize that maybe the time frame we were together was necessary for us to grow in ways that we otherwise would not have. We weren't talking, had bad communication for a long time - and because of our choice to continue doing that, it created a divide. The beautiful thing about this is that my husband and I leave the situation exactly how we entered it - with love. We are friends, we adore one another, we want the best for each other, no fighting over money, no lawyers. But...we both faced the truth in that we knew however we were choosing to fix this wasn't working...so maybe, it wasn't the marriage. Maybe it was us as individuals.

Bottom line, pray, pray, pray. Read scripture and stay close to God. Listen to your instincts, and trust yourself and where God is leading you. Be responsible for your direction, and don't let anyone, or anything prevent you from living the peaceful, complete happy life that we all deserve.
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replied September 25th, 2012
My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship at the moment. When we started dating we were in a long distance relationship but we did know each other before that she just moved away a few years before. We would occasionally fight when we were distanced but it was never anything major. When we were together we were so happy and never had any fights.
But she had to go back because her mum might have cancer and now she doesn't know if she is ever coming back because she's looking for a job and all her friends and family are where she is right now. Ever since she's gone back we've been fighting a lot and after our last fight she doesn't know if she loves me anymore, she's not sure if she wants a break or if she's ever gonna come back to be with me. She said she wasn't sure if she was gonna come back before the fight that caused all this because she says she's gotten closer to her family since she went back.
I really do love her and we both use to want to be together forever and we were once engaged but we broke it off cause of the distance and she says her parents wouldn't have approved of her being engaged.
I don't know what I should do, some part of me wants to just say goodbye so we don't stay attached and make it harder down the road when we realise it's over, but another part wants to try to make it work because I love her. Should I just let her go and tell her it's over?
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replied January 17th, 2013
Together/ not together
I am currently going through a crisis. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7.5 years and we just recently bought a house together. We were thinking about getting married and lately we have been doing nothing but argue. He has said that we should take a break and see if this relationship is just hitting a rough spot or are we really just crumbling apart. I don't really know what to do. We have a house and responsibilties. How can we take a break when we live in the same house and sleep in the same bed? I'm so comfused
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replied March 18th, 2013
Its easier said then done..
Well thats great advice. Its so hard to do though especially if you love someone so much and then you have to let them go...

The scary part is if they don't come back..
Sometimes they say if you care a little , you lose and if you care too much, you get hurt..

Love is so confusing, its always easier said then done. Those posts were helpful though and somehow reassuring. Pray, pray, and staying close to God was the best advice. God bless us all and always keep us safe.
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replied March 24th, 2013
Relationships
I am 16, almost 17. I've been dating this guy for almost 7 months. I know this doesn't compare to other life stories, but I really need help with this. I know he loves me. More than anything. We are the best of friends. For the past 3 or 4 months all we have done is fought. Over stupid things. I'm his first girlfriend. I took his virginity, I'm his first everything. I do love him. But I'm so confused about how I feel. My heart tells me to stay with him because I love him and care for him. My head tells me no because I'm not happy. I am happy like 40% of the time. I don't know what to do anymore. /:
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replied March 30th, 2013
Your question is important it doesn't matter how old you are its a significant part of your life. I am in a similar situation but with a boyfriend of nearly 3 years. The best advice I can give you is if your feeling like this, your more than likely ultimately not going to stay with this guy. I understand you don't want to hurt him but it will only get worse. Your a lot better off to end this while your young and you can both move on. Your so young believe me its really hard to grow in yourself while your in a realtionship that mentally limits you because of all the negativity. I hope this helps a little bit. Just remember you have a lot of growing up to do to become the person you are meant to be and its pretty hard to do that when your trying to keep someone else happy
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replied March 25th, 2013
I would ask how willing he is to communicate and work out the problems in the relationship myswagsgotswag. Clearly you love him, but the issue is are you both going to be happy in the long run?

So I would ask yourself
1) how willing are you both to communicate your problems.
2) will he actually change and implement the issues you discussed.
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