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Please Help Me... 4th Pregnancy And Scared!!! (Page 1)

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What should I do??
I found out today that im pregnant.. 4th baby... Im 26years old and I already have a 5yr old, 3 1/2yr old, and a 17 month old.. All boys!!
And I dont kow if I van have a 4th.. My first 3 were all by different dads.. (you could say I fail at relationships... Lol) but my boys were all very much wanted.. Just 'daddies' didn't..
My 2nd pregnany was with twins, but sadly 1 of them miscarried and my 3rd pregnancy was a premature baby born at 27 weeks..
I had a lot of problems in my 3rd pregnancy.. Severe p.I.D diagnosed which left me with scarring covering my womb.. (docs said a miracle I got pregs) and the labour and trauma of birth of 3rd son left me damaged and not likely to concieve again..
I use protection every time I 'had sex' but some slippery bugger got through!
I'm also currently on the waiting list for a sterilization!! Funny huh!! (not :evil: )
and now I am pregnant with my 4th and 4th potential father.. What do I do??
All family and friends say 'get rid' as I will ruin the lives I have already (meaning my sons will suffer??)
and that I couldn't cope with 4 on my own.. I split form the father last week... And his last words to me were.. " we don't need you in our lifes.. My sons and I are better off without you"
he doesn't know im pregnant.. (he's also a single dad of 2 sons.. Which he has fulltime) and do I tell him I am pregnant??
I don't know what to do??
Keep the baby??
Have it terminated??
Im so confused.. And torn between my life, my son's lives,and the life I have inside me??
Would it be selfish to have a termination? Just because it would be hard work?? 4 kids under 6?? No partner.. 4 dads.. I life destined alone, as who would want to date a mum with 4 kids by 4 dads?? 3 is just about manageable.. As I have dated a couple of 'nice' men!! But still 4.. Is that just pushing it??
I have a scan booked for monday morning.. To determine how far along I am.. Morally if I was more than 8 weeks, I don't think I could terminate.. But less than that its not really a baby?? Or is it?? I have never had to make a decision as big as this one, as my last sons were born into relationships that failed... Sadly not very long ones.. But I must be just super fertile..
I was planning on egg donation bwfore my sterlization too.. So I ould help others before I stooped being able to have my own..
But I know aboption I not an option.. As why bring it into existance then give away after having 3 previous ones and keeping them and not this one??
Can anyone give me any advice at all?? Even if negitive.. I need help!!! Please.. :(
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replied May 12th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
This is a support forum and you had no right to be talked to that way. It is rather obvous you are fertile and iit is your choice and you must do what you feel is the right thing to do. As far as telling the father-to-be, if you feel that he would consider raising it, I would tell him but as I said before it is your choice and yours alone.
Good luck!
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replied May 12th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Re: Please Help Me... 4th Pregnancy And Scared!!!
lolbahlolbah147 wrote:
nattie57 wrote:
but I must be just super fertile..


no, just super stupid. Women like you make fundies want to control our bodies. Get your shit together and stop sleeping around with any tom, penis or harry that you meet at the bar. Your son's need a role model to look up to... Not a prostitute than shows them no respect for themselves. Get the abortion and stop having sex.


this needs to be edited right now for abusive language and also for stupidity. She said she used protection ever time. Guess you missed that part because you couldn't insult her that way, huh?

As for a desicion... You are in a very hard place. If you feel that your job and your lifestyle right now cannot support another child, then if it were me, I would consider abortion as an option. However, I can also understand the pain you're going through emotionally, because you've kept your three previous sons. I think a serious look-through of your finances for the next several years, how well you will be able to care for the 3 current children, anything you can do to help support the extra child, etc... Is in order.
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replied May 13th, 2006
Re: Please Help Me... 4th Pregnancy And Scared!!!
eiri wrote:
lolbahlolbah147 wrote:
nattie57 wrote:
but I must be just super fertile..


no, just super stupid. Women like you make fundies want to control our bodies. Get your shit together and stop sleeping around with any tom, penis or harry that you meet at the bar. Your son's need a role model to look up to... Not a prostitute than shows them no respect for themselves. Get the abortion and stop having sex.


this needs to be edited right now for abusive language and also for stupidity. She said she used protection ever time. Guess you missed that part because you couldn't insult her that way, huh?


As for a desicion... You are in a very hard place. If you feel that your job and your lifestyle right now cannot support another child, then if it were me, I would consider abortion as an option. However, I can also understand the pain you're going through emotionally, because you've kept your three previous sons. I think a serious look-through of your finances for the next several years, how well you will be able to care for the 3 current children, anything you can do to help support the extra child, etc... Is in order.


thank you.. I didn't come to this forum for a bashing.. Just some advice from anonomous people who may have a better indepth view into what im faced with.. But words don't hurt me.. So im not bothered by the slanderish posting! Im bigger than that!

I am faced with a great decision, and I am 99% sure of an abortion, because of my situation and work/fianacial commitments.

No one is being pro- keeping this baby.. And I feel very alone on the decision I am making..

So, thank you for the kind words I have recieved

i'll post my final decision after monday when I have the scan.
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replied May 13th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Nattie57
I hope you do not feel that I was bashing you because I would not as I said lolba(whatever) had no right to say what she did as tis is a support forum. I am not a dr but I do believe that you can abort later than 8 weeks especially after you have had all of the problems with prior pregnancy's they might evenbe able to put it down as a medical abortion but that ia up to the Dr. I too have had a lot of trouble with my pregnancy's, I had 2 m/c, 2need be medical abortion one, I was kicked soo bad in the stomach at 5 and 1/2 months pregnant by my husband at the time so I too have had some rocky relationships, I was fortunate enough to have 2 great adult children now that are grown and on their own and they are doing great and I was older and I had my rough times too but two was difficult enough, I couldn't imagine 3 or 4 although their were times that their were that many at the house in between their friends and me being a social worker I sometimes ended up bringing some of them to our house for a while.
No, I am totally pro-choice, I am not walking in your shoes and I have no right to judge you and like I said before, you must do what you feel is right although eiri does have her points, you aare the one that must decide. If you do get an aabortion, I do hope you get the counceling that goes along with it. I am her for you! Ignore those that are judgemental here. Don't give up completely, the right guy will come along.
The best to you and your three sons!
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replied May 14th, 2006
Don't Do It
Hello, I hope you receive this message.
8 years ago I contemplated abortion as I wasn't in a secure relationship and I was still living at home with my mum and dad, I was 20 years old.
I am so glad I didn't have an abortion as my little boy named nicholas is so wonderful and intelligent and compassionate. I can't believe that I even thought about ending his life. Please think about how abortion is in fact a killing of a child, that is isn't just a simple procedure. That is what the abortionists want you to think, that it is a simple straight forward procedure. I have been on many forums and websites and it is clear that the effects of "the procedure" last a lifetime, depression, health problems etc. Please think about the precious child growing inside you.

Maggie
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replied May 14th, 2006
Re: Nattie57
sandyallen wrote:
i hope you do not feel that I was bashing you because I would not as I said lolba(whatever) had no right to say what she did as tis is a support forum. I am not a dr but I do believe that you can abort later than 8 weeks especially after you have had all of the problems with prior pregnancy's they might evenbe able to put it down as a medical abortion but that ia up to the Dr. I too have had a lot of trouble with my pregnancy's, I had 2 m/c, 2need be medical abortion one, I was kicked soo bad in the stomach at 5 and 1/2 months pregnant by my husband at the time so I too have had some rocky relationships, I was fortunate enough to have 2 great adult children now that are grown and on their own and they are doing great and I was older and I had my rough times too but two was difficult enough, I couldn't imagine 3 or 4 although their were times that their were that many at the house in between their friends and me being a social worker I sometimes ended up bringing some of them to our house for a while.
No, I am totally pro-choice, I am not walking in your shoes and I have no right to judge you and like I said before, you must do what you feel is right although eiri does have her points, you aare the one that must decide. If you do get an aabortion, I do hope you get the counceling that goes along with it. I am her for you! Ignore those that are judgemental here. Don't give up completely, the right guy will come along.

The best to you and your three sons!


hi there, im so sorry.. I didn't mean 'you' when I said bashing, just the nasty woman who posted before you.. I am so sorry for your losses, and bad experiences, it must have been very hard for you.. Im still so very undecided but that being said I am still 99.9% sure of having an abortion if I am less than 5 weeks pregnant.. There is a waiting list for abortion here though of about 10days at least.. Which is gonna be a hard wait.. But one I have to do.

I really wish in a bad way that this decision could be taken away from me.. As then I wouldn't have to be strong, and face my fears.. But what doesn't break me, will build me stronger.

maggiek wrote:
hello, I hope you receive this message.
8 years ago I contemplated abortion as I wasn't in a secure relationship and I was still living at home with my mum and dad, I was 20 years old.
I am so glad I didn't have an abortion as my little boy named nicholas is so wonderful and intelligent and compassionate. I can't believe that I even thought about ending his life. Please think about how abortion is in fact a killing of a child, that is isn't just a simple procedure. That is what the abortionists want you to think, that it is a simple straight forward procedure. I have been on many forums and websites and it is clear that the effects of "the procedure" last a lifetime, depression, health problems etc. Please think about the precious child growing inside you.

Maggie

i do know the complications of an abortion, and I have even suffered the (pro-life) websites, with very disturbing pictures.. But even still.. I can't just keep this baby because it is a life.. Yes it is a life technically, but at only 1mm big???? Thats smaller than an ant, and do you think before you walk, as not to squash one??
I am going to make a hard decision, and you were strong to keep your child and I commend you.. As I kept my first 1 child after his dad decided that if I kept it he would beat it out of me... And unless I got rid, he'd try everything to stop my son being born.. 5 years later.. He loves him dearly.. Wouldn't be without him.. But this is a 4th child.. After very complicated previous pregnancies. Would putting my body and my 3 boys at risk, just to save a (super tiny minute, not even really living) life justified?? I can't make that judgement call.
When I have seen the scan which is tomorrow morning, I will hopefully be clearer in my mind as to a decision.
I am a pro-life person, but at what costs??

Natalie
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replied May 14th, 2006
Experienced User
I hope you have considered all of your options hun...There isn't only abortion out there...There is always adoption. !00's of great couples who can't have children on their own and what a huge gift you would be giving them. I'm not trying to push you in any way...I just want to be sure you know all of your options.
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replied May 14th, 2006
kissofangel20 wrote:
i hope you have considered all of your options hun...There isn't only abortion out there...There is always adoption. !00's of great couples who can't have children on their own and what a huge gift you would be giving them. I'm not trying to push you in any way...I just want to be sure you know all of your options.


i have indeed considered all options, but as a mum of 3 boys already I know that if I carried this baby to term, I would never be able to give it up, as the bond I would carry for it wouldn't allow me to give 'my baby' away.
I would gladly be a sarrogate, with someone else eggs and sperm, but my own genes.. I can't do it, maybe if I hadn't got my boys then I might 'think' about it. But no.. Sorry, I just couldn't do adoption.

I am wanting to do egg donation though.. As I really want to help people have babies, who can't produce eggs themselves.

I was diagnosed infertile when I was 17.. But at 20 fell pregnant by a miracle... And have been super fertile ever since.

Strange things happen, and I believe everything happens for a reason, and this time I think its to test my beliefs and see how strong I can be at making what will ultimately be a life changing decision.. One that will haunt me for the rest of my life.. So lets hope I make the right one!!!

Thank you for you kind words.. But adoption just isn't one I can consider, sorry
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replied May 14th, 2006
Experienced User
Thats too bad. I do wish you the best though anyways.
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replied May 14th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I have been pregnant 4 times..3 abortions 1 early miscarriage which was properly diagnosed and treated..I was on the pill for 2 pregnancies, and used condoms the other 2..I am a nurse and work in abortion clinics..So I know how these things work..

It is possible to get pregnant on any method.
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replied May 15th, 2006
Advanced Support Team
Hi
Im a single mom of six children 3 girls 3 boys, all under 10, and 2 dads and I have had an abortion (which I do regret but that is only me and how I feel)...And what I mean about single is I have a boyfriend but we are not married and I pretty much raise all of my kids by myself because he is always at work.. I have had 3 preemies and one was at 28 weeks. But what I am trying to tell you is .. If you set your mind to it.. Anything is possible and a man shouldnt love you for how many kids you do or dont have he should be there to love you.. Now im not telling you to abort your pregnancy or continue on with the pregnancy, but what I am telling you is that you have to make this decision for your self because only you have to live with the decision that you make and carry out.. I wish you all the luck in the world.. Im here if you need to talk and there are a few good people on here as well...
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replied May 15th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Correct me if i'm wrong but isn't this the support forum?
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replied May 15th, 2006
Experienced User
No your right...It is...That person is just an unhappy, bitter person filled with malice and hate whose only purpose in life is to make everyone just like them. Best to just ignore and move on.
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replied May 17th, 2006
Hi everyone,
just thought i'd let you know what happened..
I went to my scan, but they couldn't find any sign of pregnancy, I had blood tests taken, and was sent home.. Saying that I must only be about 4 weeks pregnant and too early to see anything?
Then 3 hours later.. I get called back up, and the doctor wants me to return to the hospital, they wanted to perform another scan to see if I was having an eptopic pregnancy.. They were going to do surgery.. Thankfully becuase I had eaten something they couldn't operate till morning and another doctor re-scanned me to see if she could find the pregnancy before going through with surgery..
They found the pregnancy, it wasn't in my falopian tubes.. But she said it didn't look right??
They took more blood tests and then they found out the problem..
On may 11th, my progesterone levels were 40 something.. And my hcg levels were 211.. And every 2 days your hcg levels are meant to double and progesterone levels increase too..
On may 15th my levels were progesterone 30 and hcg 477
and today my progesterone were 20.1 and hcg 400 my pregnancy is failing and I am having a miscarriage.. But with no bleeding!!
I asked if they could terminate the pregnancy as I wasn't planning on keeping the baby anyway, and they said that now I was having a failed pregnancy, they couldn't perform a termination until my progesterone levels were under 20 (so .2 to go) and they want to wait to see if it passes naturally.. Which ever way I am looking at it.. This baby wasn't ever meant to be, so thankfully it was taking the decision out of my hnds and I now no longer feel guilt for wanting to terminate.
I have to go back in 7 days time for another scan, and more blood tests, if my levels are still going down, and they pregnancy is still there we will discuss surgery to remove the pregnancy then.
I did tell the father, he was very supportive, and before I even knew this was a failed pregnancy we both agreed that getting rid of the baby was the best thing to do, for both our son's and the fact that we were no longer together.. We hve become close again, and i'm glad were on talking terms, as although we are no loonger together, its nice for us to be able to go through this hard time with each others support..
I am in incredible pain and have been on bed rest for the last 2 days.. So I think the miscarrige is iminant.. A painfull process.. I have also got an infection in my kidneys, which isn't helping the pain either!! But at least the end is near.. And the guilt and morality issues have been taken off my shoulders. I will post again next week and let you know the outcome of my next scan and blood tests, thank you for the support you have shown me, and the (loud mouth edited lolbahlolbah147) I am glad I missed whatever you posted.. And it was edited before I got to read whatever it was.. As life is hard enough and to be bashed online, when all people want is support, is a very nasty thing to do, and to be so sad that you have to insult and abuse online, must mean you have a very unfulfilling and lonely existance. I pity you.. You should have more respect..
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replied May 17th, 2006
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nattie57 wrote:
hi everyone,
just thought i'd let you know what happened..

I went to my scan, but they couldn't find any sign of pregnancy, I had blood tests taken, and was sent home.. Saying that I must only be about 4 weeks pregnant and too early to see anything?

Then 3 hours later.. I get called back up, and the doctor wants me to return to the hospital, they wanted to perform another scan to see if I was having an eptopic pregnancy.. They were going to do surgery.. Thankfully becuase I had eaten something they couldn't operate till morning and another doctor re-scanned me to see if she could find the pregnancy before going through with surgery..

They found the pregnancy, it wasn't in my falopian tubes.. But she said it didn't look right??

They took more blood tests and then they found out the problem..

On may 11th, my progesterone levels were 40 something.. And my hcg levels were 211.. And every 2 days your hcg levels are meant to double and progesterone levels increase too..

On may 15th my levels were progesterone 30 and hcg 477
and today my progesterone were 20.1 and hcg 400 my pregnancy is failing and I am having a miscarriage.. But with no bleeding!!

I asked if they could terminate the pregnancy as I wasn't planning on keeping the baby anyway, and they said that now I was having a failed pregnancy, they couldn't perform a termination until my progesterone levels were under 20 (so .2 to go) and they want to wait to see if it passes naturally.. Which ever way I am looking at it.. This baby wasn't ever meant to be, so thankfully it was taking the decision out of my hnds and I now no longer feel guilt for wanting to terminate.

I have to go back in 7 days time for another scan, and more blood tests, if my levels are still going down, and they pregnancy is still there we will discuss surgery to remove the pregnancy then.

I did tell the father, he was very supportive, and before I even knew this was a failed pregnancy we both agreed that getting rid of the baby was the best thing to do, for both our son's and the fact that we were no longer together.. We hve become close again, and i'm glad were on talking terms, as although we are no loonger together, its nice for us to be able to go through this hard time with each others support..

I am in incredible pain and have been on bed rest for the last 2 days.. So I think the miscarrige is iminant.. A painfull process.. I have also got an infection in my kidneys, which isn't helping the pain either!! But at least the end is near.. And the guilt and morality issues have been taken off my shoulders. I will post again next week and let you know the outcome of my next scan and blood tests, thank you for the support you have shown me, and the (loud mouth edited lolbahlolbah147) I am glad I missed whatever you posted.. And it was edited before I got to read whatever it was.. As life is hard enough and to be bashed online, when all people want is support, is a very nasty thing to do, and to be so sad that you have to insult and abuse online, must mean you have a very unfulfilling and lonely existance. I pity you.. You should have more respect..


good luck hun I hope it is over quickly for you
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replied May 17th, 2006
diamond splinter wrote:


good luck hun I hope it is over quickly for you


thank you ((hugs))
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replied May 17th, 2006
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lolbahlolbah147 wrote:
nattie57 wrote:
and the (loud mouth edited lolbahlolbah147) I am glad I missed whatever you posted.. And it was edited before I got to read whatever it was.. As life is hard enough and to be bashed online, when all people want is support, is a very nasty thing to do, and to be so sad that you have to insult and abuse online, must mean you have a very unfulfilling and lonely existance. I pity you.. You should have more respect..


maybe you should focus on what is missing in your life that you feel the need to fuck every tom, penis and harry. Focus on your kids, not your !**@!. You are the reason anti choicers like diamond splinter want to make abortion illegal.



yet the pro choicer of the 2 cannot offer support where needed please leave these women alone to obtain the support that they seek.

As a pro lifer I would just like to say that you are a disgrace to pro choice and all they stand for there is nothing to debate here please take it back to the debate board
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replied May 17th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Just ignore her... Hopefully the mod will see this. Although I feel sorry for men who are named .Dick, (.Richard) because this silly site edits that word! Lol.
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replied May 17th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Lol I notice that they have some crazy word censors on this site
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