Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 8 Location: brighton, EAST SUSSEX
Please Help Me... 4th Pregnancy And Scared!!! Posted: 05-12-06 12:15pm
What should I do??
I found out today that im pregnant.. 4th
baby... Im 26years old and I already have
a 5yr old, 3 1/2yr old, and a 17 month
old.. All boys!!
And I dont kow if I van have a 4th.. My
first 3 were all by different dads.. (you
could say I fail at relationships... Lol)
but my boys were all very much wanted..
Just 'daddies' didn't..
My 2nd pregnany was with twins, but sadly
1 of them miscarried and my 3rd pregnancy
was a premature baby born at 27 weeks..
I had a lot of problems in my 3rd
pregnancy.. Severe p.I.D diagnosed which
left me with scarring covering my womb..
(docs said a miracle I got pregs) and the
labour and trauma of birth of 3rd son left
me damaged and not likely to concieve
again..
I use protection every time I 'had sex'
but some slippery bugger got through!
I'm also currently on the waiting list for
a sterilization!! Funny huh!! (not
:evil: )
and now I am pregnant with my 4th and 4th
potential father.. What do I do??
All family and friends say 'get rid' as I
will ruin the lives I have already
(meaning my sons will suffer??)
and that I couldn't cope with 4 on my
own.. I split form the father last
week... And his last words to me were..
" we don't need you in our lifes.. My
sons and I are better off without you"
he doesn't know im pregnant.. (he's also
a single dad of 2 sons.. Which he has
fulltime) and do I tell him I am
pregnant??
I don't know what to do??
Keep the baby??
Have it terminated??
Im so confused.. And torn between my
life, my son's lives,and the life I have
inside me??
Would it be selfish to have a termination?
Just because it would be hard work?? 4
kids under 6?? No partner.. 4 dads.. I
life destined alone, as who would want to
date a mum with 4 kids by 4 dads?? 3 is
just about manageable.. As I have dated a
couple of 'nice' men!! But still 4.. Is
that just pushing it??
I have a scan booked for monday morning..
To determine how far along I am.. Morally
if I was more than 8 weeks, I don't think
I could terminate.. But less than that
its not really a baby?? Or is it?? I
have never had to make a decision as big
as this one, as my last sons were born
into relationships that failed... Sadly
not very long ones.. But I must be just
super fertile..
I was planning on egg donation bwfore my
sterlization too.. So I ould help others
before I stooped being able to have my
own..
But I know aboption I not an option.. As
why bring it into existance then give away
after having 3 previous ones and keeping
them and not this one??
Can anyone give me any advice at all??
Even if negitive.. I need help!!!
Please.. :(
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-12-06 14:45pm
This is a support forum and you had no
right to be talked to that way. It is
rather obvous you are fertile and iit is
your choice and you must do what you feel
is the right thing to do. As far as
telling the father-to-be, if you feel that
he would consider raising it, I would tell
him but as I said before it is your choice
and yours alone.
Good luck!
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12976
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Re: Please Help Me... 4th Pregnancy And Scared!!! Posted: 05-12-06 18:53pm
lolbahlolbah147
wrote:
nattie57
wrote:
but I must be just super
fertile..
no, just super stupid. Women like you
make fundies want to control our bodies.
Get your shit together and stop sleeping
around with any tom, penis or harry that
you meet at the bar. Your son's need a
role model to look up to... Not a
prostitute than shows them no respect for
themselves. Get the abortion and stop
having sex.
this needs to be edited right now for
abusive language and also for stupidity.
She said she used protection ever time.
Guess you missed that part because you
couldn't insult her that way, huh?
As for a desicion... You are in a very
hard place. If you feel that your job and
your lifestyle right now cannot support
another child, then if it were me, I would
consider abortion as an option. However,
I can also understand the pain you're
going through emotionally, because you've
kept your three previous sons. I think a
serious look-through of your finances for
the next several years, how well you will
be able to care for the 3 current
children, anything you can do to help
support the extra child, etc... Is in
order.
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nattie57
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 8 Location: brighton, EAST SUSSEX
Re: Please Help Me... 4th Pregnancy And Scared!!! Posted: 05-13-06 14:10pm
eiri
wrote:
lolbahlolbah147
wrote:
nattie57
wrote:
but I must be just super
fertile..
no, just super stupid. Women like you
make fundies want to control our bodies.
Get your shit together and stop sleeping
around with any tom, penis or harry that
you meet at the bar. Your son's need
a role model to look up to... Not a
prostitute than shows them no respect for
themselves. Get the abortion and stop
having sex.
this needs to be edited right now for
abusive language and also for stupidity.
She said she used protection ever time.
Guess you missed that part because you
couldn't insult her that way, huh?
As for a desicion... You are in a very
hard place. If you feel that your job
and your lifestyle right now cannot
support another child, then if it were me,
I would consider abortion as an option.
However, I can also understand the pain
you're going through emotionally, because
you've kept your three previous sons. I
think a serious look-through of your
finances for the next several years, how
well you will be able to care for the 3
current children, anything you can do to
help support the extra child, etc... Is
in order.
thank you.. I didn't come to this forum
for a bashing.. Just some advice from
anonomous people who may have a better
indepth view into what im faced with..
But words don't hurt me.. So im not
bothered by the slanderish posting! Im
bigger than that!
I am faced with a great decision, and I am
99% sure of an abortion, because of my
situation and work/fianacial
commitments.
No one is being pro- keeping this baby..
And I feel very alone on the decision I am
making..
So, thank you for the kind words I have
recieved
i'll post my final decision after monday
when I have the scan.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Nattie57 Posted: 05-13-06 16:00pm
I hope you do not feel that I was bashing
you because I would not as I said
lolba(whatever) had no right to say what
she did as tis is a support forum. I am
not a dr but I do believe that you can
abort later than 8 weeks especially after
you have had all of the problems with
prior pregnancy's they might evenbe able
to put it down as a medical abortion but
that ia up to the Dr. I too have had a
lot of trouble with my pregnancy's, I had
2 m/c, 2need be medical abortion one, I
was kicked soo bad in the stomach at 5 and
1/2 months pregnant by my husband at the
time so I too have had some rocky
relationships, I was fortunate enough to
have 2 great adult children now that are
grown and on their own and they are doing
great and I was older and I had my rough
times too but two was difficult enough, I
couldn't imagine 3 or 4 although their
were times that their were that many at
the house in between their friends and me
being a social worker I sometimes ended up
bringing some of them to our house for a
while.
No, I am totally pro-choice, I am not
walking in your shoes and I have no right
to judge you and like I said before, you
must do what you feel is right although
eiri does have her points, you aare the
one that must decide. If you do get an
aabortion, I do hope you get the
counceling that goes along with it. I am
her for you! Ignore those that are
judgemental here. Don't give up
completely, the right guy will come
along.
The best to you and your three sons!
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maggiek
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 May 2006 Posts: 40 Location: canada
Don't Do It Posted: 05-14-06 01:51am
Hello, I hope you receive this message.
8 years ago I contemplated abortion as I
wasn't in a secure relationship and I was
still living at home with my mum and dad,
I was 20 years old.
I am so glad I didn't have an abortion as
my little boy named nicholas is so
wonderful and intelligent and
compassionate. I can't believe that I
even thought about ending his life.
Please think about how abortion is in fact
a killing of a child, that is isn't just a
simple procedure. That is what the
abortionists want you to think, that it is
a simple straight forward procedure. I
have been on many forums and websites and
it is clear that the effects of "the
procedure" last a lifetime, depression,
health problems etc. Please think about
the precious child growing inside you.
Maggie
|
nattie57
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 8 Location: brighton, EAST SUSSEX
Re: Nattie57 Posted: 05-14-06 02:24am
sandyallen
wrote:
i hope you do not feel that
I was bashing you because I would not as I
said lolba(whatever) had no right to say
what she did as tis is a support forum.
I am not a dr but I do believe that you
can abort later than 8 weeks especially
after you have had all of the problems
with prior pregnancy's they might evenbe
able to put it down as a medical abortion
but that ia up to the Dr. I too have
had a lot of trouble with my pregnancy's,
I had 2 m/c, 2need be medical abortion
one, I was kicked soo bad in the stomach
at 5 and 1/2 months pregnant by my husband
at the time so I too have had some rocky
relationships, I was fortunate enough to
have 2 great adult children now that are
grown and on their own and they are doing
great and I was older and I had my rough
times too but two was difficult enough, I
couldn't imagine 3 or 4 although their
were times that their were that many at
the house in between their friends and me
being a social worker I sometimes ended up
bringing some of them to our house for a
while.
No, I am totally pro-choice, I am not
walking in your shoes and I have no right
to judge you and like I said before, you
must do what you feel is right although
eiri does have her points, you aare the
one that must decide. If you do get an
aabortion, I do hope you get the
counceling that goes along with it. I
am her for you! Ignore those that are
judgemental here. Don't give up
completely, the right guy will come
along.
The best to you and your three
sons!
hi there, im so sorry.. I didn't mean
'you' when I said bashing, just the nasty
woman who posted before you.. I am so
sorry for your losses, and bad
experiences, it must have been very hard
for you.. Im still so very undecided but
that being said I am still 99.9% sure of
having an abortion if I am less than 5
weeks pregnant.. There is a waiting list
for abortion here though of about 10days
at least.. Which is gonna be a hard
wait.. But one I have to do.
I really wish in a bad way that this
decision could be taken away from me.. As
then I wouldn't have to be strong, and
face my fears.. But what doesn't break
me, will build me stronger.
maggiek
wrote:
hello, I hope you receive
this message.
8 years ago I contemplated abortion as I
wasn't in a secure relationship and I was
still living at home with my mum and dad,
I was 20 years old.
I am so glad I didn't have an abortion as
my little boy named nicholas is so
wonderful and intelligent and
compassionate. I can't believe that I
even thought about ending his life.
Please think about how abortion is in fact
a killing of a child, that is isn't just a
simple procedure. That is what the
abortionists want you to think, that it is
a simple straight forward procedure. I
have been on many forums and websites and
it is clear that the effects of "the
procedure" last a lifetime, depression,
health problems etc. Please think about
the precious child growing inside you.
Maggie
i do know the complications of an
abortion, and I have even suffered the
(pro-life) websites, with very disturbing
pictures.. But even still.. I can't just
keep this baby because it is a life.. Yes
it is a life technically, but at only 1mm
big???? Thats smaller than an ant, and do
you think before you walk, as not to
squash one??
I am going to make a hard decision, and
you were strong to keep your child and I
commend you.. As I kept my first 1 child
after his dad decided that if I kept it he
would beat it out of me... And unless I
got rid, he'd try everything to stop my
son being born.. 5 years later.. He
loves him dearly.. Wouldn't be without
him.. But this is a 4th child.. After
very complicated previous pregnancies.
Would putting my body and my 3 boys at
risk, just to save a (super tiny minute,
not even really living) life justified??
I can't make that judgement call.
When I have seen the scan which is
tomorrow morning, I will hopefully be
clearer in my mind as to a decision.
I am a pro-life person, but at what
costs??
Natalie
|
kissofangel20
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 May 2006 Posts: 248 Location: ,
Posted: 05-14-06 02:41am
I hope you have considered all of your
options hun...There isn't only abortion
out there...There is always adoption.
!00's of great couples who can't have
children on their own and what a huge gift
you would be giving them. I'm not trying
to push you in any way...I just want to be
sure you know all of your options.
|
nattie57
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 8 Location: brighton, EAST SUSSEX
Posted: 05-14-06 02:55am
kissofangel20
wrote:
i hope you have considered
all of your options hun...There isn't only
abortion out there...There is always
adoption. !00's of great couples who
can't have children on their own and what
a huge gift you would be giving them.
I'm not trying to push you in any way...I
just want to be sure you know all of your
options.
i have indeed considered all options, but
as a mum of 3 boys already I know that if
I carried this baby to term, I would never
be able to give it up, as the bond I would
carry for it wouldn't allow me to give 'my
baby' away.
I would gladly be a sarrogate, with
someone else eggs and sperm, but my own
genes.. I can't do it, maybe if I hadn't
got my boys then I might 'think' about it.
But no.. Sorry, I just couldn't do
adoption.
I am wanting to do egg donation though..
As I really want to help people have
babies, who can't produce eggs
themselves.
I was diagnosed infertile when I was 17..
But at 20 fell pregnant by a miracle...
And have been super fertile ever since.
Strange things happen, and I believe
everything happens for a reason, and this
time I think its to test my beliefs and
see how strong I can be at making what
will ultimately be a life changing
decision.. One that will haunt me for
the rest of my life.. So lets hope I
make the right one!!!
Thank you for you kind words.. But
adoption just isn't one I can consider,
sorry
|
kissofangel20
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 May 2006 Posts: 248 Location: ,
Posted: 05-14-06 04:59am
Thats too bad. I do wish you the best
though anyways.
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
Thanks: 12
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-14-06 20:37pm
I have been pregnant 4 times..3 abortions
1 early miscarriage which was properly
diagnosed and treated..I was on the pill
for 2 pregnancies, and used condoms the
other 2..I am a nurse and work in abortion
clinics..So I know how these things
work..
It is possible to get pregnant on any
method.
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Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 3718 Location: , va
Hi Posted: 05-15-06 08:31am
Im a single mom of six children 3 girls 3
boys, all under 10, and 2 dads and I have
had an abortion (which I do regret but
that is only me and how I feel)...And what
I mean about single is I have a boyfriend
but we are not married and I pretty much
raise all of my kids by myself because he
is always at work.. I have had 3 preemies
and one was at 28 weeks. But what I am
trying to tell you is .. If you set your
mind to it.. Anything is possible and a
man shouldnt love you for how many kids
you do or dont have he should be there to
love you.. Now im not telling you to
abort your pregnancy or continue on with
the pregnancy, but what I am telling you
is that you have to make this decision
for your self because only you have to
live with the decision that you make and
carry out.. I wish you all the luck in
the world.. Im here if you need to talk
and there are a few good people on here as
well...
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diamond splinter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2006 Posts: 611 Location: ,
Posted: 05-15-06 13:05pm
Correct me if i'm wrong but isn't this the
support forum?
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kissofangel20
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 May 2006 Posts: 248 Location: ,
Posted: 05-15-06 13:12pm
No your right...It is...That person is
just an unhappy, bitter person filled with
malice and hate whose only purpose in life
is to make everyone just like them. Best
to just ignore and move on.
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nattie57
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 8 Location: brighton, EAST SUSSEX
Posted: 05-17-06 12:58pm
Hi everyone,
just thought i'd let you know what
happened..
I went to my scan, but they couldn't find
any sign of pregnancy, I had blood tests
taken, and was sent home.. Saying that I
must only be about 4 weeks pregnant and
too early to see anything?
Then 3 hours later.. I get called back
up, and the doctor wants me to return to
the hospital, they wanted to perform
another scan to see if I was having an
eptopic pregnancy.. They were going to do
surgery.. Thankfully becuase I had eaten
something they couldn't operate till
morning and another doctor re-scanned me
to see if she could find the pregnancy
before going through with surgery..
They found the pregnancy, it wasn't in my
falopian tubes.. But she said it didn't
look right??
They took more blood tests and then they
found out the problem..
On may 11th, my progesterone levels were
40 something.. And my hcg levels were
211.. And every 2 days your hcg levels
are meant to double and progesterone
levels increase too..
On may 15th my levels were progesterone 30
and hcg 477
and today my progesterone were 20.1 and
hcg 400 my pregnancy is failing and I am
having a miscarriage.. But with no
bleeding!!
I asked if they could terminate the
pregnancy as I wasn't planning on keeping
the baby anyway, and they said that now I
was having a failed pregnancy, they
couldn't perform a termination until my
progesterone levels were under 20 (so .2
to go) and they want to wait to see if it
passes naturally.. Which ever way I am
looking at it.. This baby wasn't ever
meant to be, so thankfully it was taking
the decision out of my hnds and I now no
longer feel guilt for wanting to
terminate.
I have to go back in 7 days time for
another scan, and more blood tests, if my
levels are still going down, and they
pregnancy is still there we will discuss
surgery to remove the pregnancy then.
I did tell the father, he was very
supportive, and before I even knew this
was a failed pregnancy we both agreed that
getting rid of the baby was the best thing
to do, for both our son's and the fact
that we were no longer together.. We hve
become close again, and i'm glad were on
talking terms, as although we are no
loonger together, its nice for us to be
able to go through this hard time with
each others support..
I am in incredible pain and have been on
bed rest for the last 2 days.. So I think
the miscarrige is iminant.. A painfull
process.. I have also got an infection in
my kidneys, which isn't helping the pain
either!! But at least the end is near..
And the guilt and morality issues have
been taken off my shoulders. I will post
again next week and let you know the
outcome of my next scan and blood tests,
thank you for the support you have shown
me, and the (loud mouth edited
lolbahlolbah147) I am glad I missed
whatever you posted.. And it was edited
before I got to read whatever it was.. As
life is hard enough and to be bashed
online, when all people want is support,
is a very nasty thing to do, and to be so
sad that you have to insult and abuse
online, must mean you have a very
unfulfilling and lonely existance. I pity
you.. You should have more respect..
|
diamond splinter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2006 Posts: 611 Location: ,
Posted: 05-17-06 13:13pm
nattie57
wrote:
hi everyone,
just thought i'd let you know what
happened..
I went to my scan, but they couldn't find
any sign of pregnancy, I had blood tests
taken, and was sent home.. Saying that I
must only be about 4 weeks pregnant and
too early to see anything?
Then 3 hours later.. I get called back
up, and the doctor wants me to return to
the hospital, they wanted to perform
another scan to see if I was having an
eptopic pregnancy.. They were going to
do surgery.. Thankfully becuase I had
eaten something they couldn't operate till
morning and another doctor re-scanned me
to see if she could find the pregnancy
before going through with surgery..
They found the pregnancy, it wasn't in my
falopian tubes.. But she said it didn't
look right??
They took more blood tests and then they
found out the problem..
On may 11th, my progesterone levels were
40 something.. And my hcg levels were
211.. And every 2 days your hcg levels
are meant to double and progesterone
levels increase too..
On may 15th my levels were progesterone 30
and hcg 477
and today my progesterone were 20.1 and
hcg 400 my pregnancy is failing and I am
having a miscarriage.. But with no
bleeding!!
I asked if they could terminate the
pregnancy as I wasn't planning on keeping
the baby anyway, and they said that now I
was having a failed pregnancy, they
couldn't perform a termination until my
progesterone levels were under 20 (so .2
to go) and they want to wait to see if it
passes naturally.. Which ever way I am
looking at it.. This baby wasn't ever
meant to be, so thankfully it was taking
the decision out of my hnds and I now no
longer feel guilt for wanting to
terminate.
I have to go back in 7 days time for
another scan, and more blood tests, if my
levels are still going down, and they
pregnancy is still there we will discuss
surgery to remove the pregnancy then.
I did tell the father, he was very
supportive, and before I even knew this
was a failed pregnancy we both agreed that
getting rid of the baby was the best thing
to do, for both our son's and the fact
that we were no longer together.. We hve
become close again, and i'm glad were on
talking terms, as although we are no
loonger together, its nice for us to be
able to go through this hard time with
each others support..
I am in incredible pain and have been on
bed rest for the last 2 days.. So I
think the miscarrige is iminant.. A
painfull process.. I have also got an
infection in my kidneys, which isn't
helping the pain either!! But at least
the end is near.. And the guilt and
morality issues have been taken off my
shoulders. I will post again next week
and let you know the outcome of my next
scan and blood tests, thank you for the
support you have shown me, and the (loud
mouth edited lolbahlolbah147) I am glad I
missed whatever you posted.. And it was
edited before I got to read whatever it
was.. As life is hard enough and to be
bashed online, when all people want is
support, is a very nasty thing to do, and
to be so sad that you have to insult and
abuse online, must mean you have a very
unfulfilling and lonely existance. I
pity you.. You should have more
respect..
good luck hun I hope it is over quickly
for you
|
nattie57
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 8 Location: brighton, EAST SUSSEX
Posted: 05-17-06 13:23pm
diamond splinter
wrote:
good luck hun I hope it is over quickly
for you
thank you ((hugs))
|
diamond splinter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2006 Posts: 611 Location: ,
Posted: 05-17-06 14:59pm
lolbahlolbah147
wrote:
nattie57
wrote:
and the (loud mouth edited
lolbahlolbah147) I am glad I missed
whatever you posted.. And it was edited
before I got to read whatever it was..
As life is hard enough and to be bashed
online, when all people want is support,
is a very nasty thing to do, and to be so
sad that you have to insult and abuse
online, must mean you have a very
unfulfilling and lonely existance. I
pity you.. You should have more
respect..
maybe you should focus on what is missing
in your life that you feel the need to
fuck every tom, penis and
harry. Focus on your kids, not your
person. You are the reason anti
choicers like diamond splinter want to
make abortion
illegal.
yet the pro choicer of the 2 cannot offer
support where needed please leave these
women alone to obtain the support that
they seek.
As a pro lifer I would just like to say
that you are a disgrace to pro choice and
all they stand for there is nothing to
debate here please take it back to the
debate board
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12976
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-17-06 15:20pm
Just ignore her... Hopefully the mod will
see this. Although I feel sorry for men
who are named .Dick, (.Richard) because
this silly site edits that word! Lol.
|
diamond splinter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2006 Posts: 611 Location: ,
Posted: 05-17-06 16:29pm
Lol I notice that they have some crazy
word censors on this site