Hi guys. I've recently been having
extreme intense feelings that I can't face
the future and when I think about it I
either have a panic attack or very nearly.
It is very strange and very horrible. It
is like I want to die or can't go on but I
am not suicidal in the sense that I truly
want to die because I don't believe that I
do really, I just want to get back to
normal.
I believe this is possibly down to a
bereavement, I had lost a friend 11 months
ago - but everything else in my life at
present is ok, (positive even). It was a
friend who was the same age as me that I
lost, we share the same birthdate. We
were expecting it as she was ill, so it
wasn't sudden in a sense, but I did not
know "how long we had left" with her so it
was still a shock.
I've managed these 11 months somehow and I
have been going to work and doing
everything as normal but over the 11
months I have had some feelings on and
off, like deep waves of depression
sweeping over me, staying different
lengths of times. I have had also some
anxiety feelings, which have not all been
the same - some are intense dread and
others are just panicky feelings that I
can more easily deal with.
I am frightened of these feelings that I
can't face the future because up until a
week ago it was not like this - it was not
a problem, I thought about the future
"normally" like anyone would, not with
feelings that I can't face it. I have
been that anxious and depressed that I can
hardly eat, and this morning I had
diohrrea (i had this problem a couple of
times over the last 11 months too). I
have a small appetite anyway.
Does anyone know how I can deal with this
and has anyone else had something similar?
Can anyone offer any advice or hope of
light at the end of the long dark tunnel?
(i need advice on managing these intense
feelings of wanting to die / can't face
future, advice on managing the intense
anxiety - at the moment I can go out etc
but I have been off work all week and not
sure I can go back yet..., and advice on
bereavement, I know about panic attacks
and how to control them but I still keep
getting them - I had one last night).
I want these feelings to go away, but I am
afraid what if they don't? If they don't
go away, can anyone tell me that it is
possible to live a fairly normal life
despite these awful feelings?
I have some good friends and supportive
family around me and apart from the
depression I am otherwise fairly happy so
it is a strange mix of feelings!!
Does anyone agree that this is probably
part of my bereavement?
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 05-14-06 07:13am
People respond differently to a
loss.....I've seen some laugh, cry
uncontrollably and others...Nothing. It's
not unusual to have a delayed response or
have it build up to obvious physical
symptoms.
We all hear about death but when it hits
home it can be very devastating. I lost
martin to pancreatic cancer.......A man I
spent many hours talking and sharing my
life with. One day he was at work, the
next in the hospital.....He lasted a
month.....Near the end he wouldn't talk to
anyone.
Once he passed and I heard about it......I
was initially shocked and then
sad........Then I saw a vision of him and
he was truly happy.......He was with his
girlfriend.........The one he told me
about during our many talks, the one he
told me he loved and missed and who had
died a few years before...........Then I
had a great sense of peace.....That this
man, martin, was with the woman he loved.
Rest in peace, buddy! :)
|
loopy-one
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 19 Location: UK
Bereavement Posted: 05-15-06 06:31am
Thanks spirit. That's cool. Well I had a
dream about my friend, ray, a while ago
and we were talking. I suddently said to
her "but that is not really you is it,
you're not really there?" and she said
"no, but I am in you, I am in your heart
and your mind". I felt better after that
dream, but this depression seems to have
hit me quite bad at the moment. It feels
like it is going to go on forever and I
won't be happy again.
I know she'd want me to be happy etc but
it doesnt seem to make any difference
knowing that.
:(
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 05-15-06 08:44am
I don't have a lot of experience with
depression....Tried the meds once but
interferred with the sleep so I
immediately discontinued them. I'm not
saying people with depression to just get
over it....I can relate to alot of the
symptoms but in a very borderline mild
kind of way....I have no idea how someone
who has something 1000x of what I had
would deal with it. Although I believe
there's no shame in asking for help
whether meds or someone to talk it out
with.
Having said that I also believe there's
alot to be said about improving your
circumstances....A moment in time like
this was...Wakes you up....Realizing your
own mortality....What have I done with my
life?Is this what it's all about?
Advice: lose yourself in something you
love. To become totally engrossed in
something you love is to discover who you
really are. It doesn't matter what it
is....Just do it. Your right she doesn't
want you to be unhappy....Her life was a
joyous occasion....Be very grateful she
chose you to share her short life
with.....I don't know you and I didn't
have the pleasure of knowing ray, but I do
know she loves and wants you to be
happy...................I can feel the
vibes!~right on, ray!~ :)
