Just Want to End My Life

It sounds to me like you may have some kind of social anxiety disorder &also, obviously, depression.

Have you ever been to a pyschiatrist or anything like that?
They can perscribe medications to help you out with this kind of thing!

Trust me, babe, I know where you're coming from.

I went through depression from the time I was 12, until I was about 17 or 18. I'm also 19, now. It's been probably the hardest uphill battle of my life, so far! But I promise you, there is another side. You just have to keep on truckin'. Easier than it sounds, I know. But it's all you can do.

Please don't end your life. Then you'll never get to know those people who really care about you more than you think they do.

You'll find your way.

I'm always available to talk to, if you need someone.
Http://www.Myspace.Com/conduct ive -- that's my myspace, if you happen to have one. Get a hold of me.

Always,
kristina.

Hi mate, I to am pretty much in the same boat, I used to get depressed an awful lot, I have thought about ending my life to, I jus never did cos I dont have the bottle to endure a painful death, and I live in england, so I cant get guns, unless I fancy talkin to my local gangsta in brixton, haha, anyway, jokes aside, I am 20, 21 in november, I have had 1 gf in my life and the two other girls I asked out turned me down, even tho I was convinced they liked me, I used to like 1 of these girls so much, that was a major problem with my depression, it didnt help that I used to do ecstasy regularly, which in the long run, drained my brain of serotonin and messed up my neurotransmitters, causing me to have lots of mood swings, but anyway, I am shy to, I have freinds that I rarely go out with anymore because most of the time they go out they go clubbing, and I dont like clubbing because I find dancing boring and embarresing.. I also find it awkward around girls, to be honest I find it awkward around most people, male or female, just because I aint really a talkative or creative conversationist like I used to be, I have had conversations with my parents and my former best friend about how I think I am going to be alone for the rest of my life, my former best friend said that he thought the same about himself, he now has a girlfriend, he met his gf through a friend, he was a virgin when he met her, and so was she, how lucky is that, he used to be really quiet, , now I talk about the same amount, if not less than him, but he still manages to keep his girlfriend, they have been going out for ages now, over six months, I just dont see how he keeps her, but in a way, it gives me faith that if she likes a quiet guy, maybe theres a girl for me out there sumwhere, the only gf I ever had, the furthest I got with her was snoggin her, I rarely saw her anyway, and she was a bit of a prostitute, so im glad she didnt get it, I really have rambled, so i'll stop and get to the point..

Exercise helps lift moods, it gets your adrenaline pumpin and it does help, its a fact, so why not try joinin a club? Go swimming or runnin down the streets, that cost nothing, personally I restarted my childhood hobby, karate

my personal experience with psychiatrists is that they just make you feel really little, I dont like them, I have only ever seen 1 that made me feel like she even had a clue what I was feeling like, and I have seen probably about 6

dont end your life, I know I was saying bout how if I could get a gun, I would of, well I would if I could, if I had no1 who cares, but im sure that you must have at least 1 parent who loves an cares for you.. The way I see it is, a lot of people who have family who have commited suicide feel that they are parcially responsible, ie, that they wernt loving enough, did not give enough attention to them, or that they didnt provide a good enough life for there child, basically not only would your parents miss you being dead, but they could feel burdoned that there was nothing they could do to help. Not all people are like that, but at the end of the day, no1 wants to loose a loved 1, I know how i'd feel if my parents died, cause I used to get really depressed just thinking about it, I dont even feel comfortable talkin about it now tbh, but anyway, I think you can see my point, but if sumthing is bothering you, its always easier to talk to sum1 without a face, so post on these forums if ya feel bad or kristina said that you can post on myspace

what do u do with your spare time if you dont have any mates? Sorry for rambling so much, basically I was jus trying to say, im pretty much in the same situation, except I aint really depressed like I used to be, it really bothers me that I cant see me finding a gf in the future whilst I am the way I am, but I cant change the way I am, I wouldnt have even had the 1 gf I have had if she didnt come onto me.. I dont wanna think about this anymore, jus take it easy

bye

im sorry, I have been typing for a long while now, im pretty sure u

If your life is not what you wish it to be, the normal, healthy response is to push for change.

Depression, and even thoughts of sucide, are part of what a normal, healthy mind goes thru, grasping for tools to change what has become unbearable.

The truth is that we all unconsciously subscribe to whatever is fed us, via the media.

It is not actually un-normal not to have a gf or bf by a certain age. That's an socially engineered idea. We all buy it. By prom, we should have a date.

Bs

you should have a date when you want to have a date and when you meet someone you think you'd like to have a date with, which may take time, particularly for sensitive types.

I feel depressive at times. The world has a lot to be depressed about I must admit. Not everyone starts out on the bright side.

You have to find that bright side. If you can't find it, then spend your life looking for it (it will keep you occupied). Think of all the ingenious mathematicians like einstein! All he did all day long was working...

Maybe you're a searcher.

If you can't break out of it. Try religion (it works very well from what I hear). Try christianity - the ones that pray for someone and that someone faints because "the holly spirit has entered them." - you might find hope there.

Nothing is worth killing yourself. I know what you're going through. I've been through it. I can say this with a certainty. More and more people are battling depression there's nothing wrong with it. You just need to fight it. Again nothing is worth killing yourself over and especially not the reasons you listed. You have to understand that you really don't want to kill yourself, depression is a disease and that is the disease making you feel that way. I see this post is a few weeks old. I hope that you're still hanging in there. The first thing you want to do is get help. There are medications that can help you. If you're not comfortable seeing a therapist I would recommend a religious counselor. There are other ways to deal with this as well. As a previous poster mentioned, exercise is one of those ways. You could also try joining groups/clubs on campus that share your interests so that you can meet new people and not be so lonely. Trust me, you will find a girlfriend. I've found that people that didn't date much in high school usually do better in college. If you haven't met her yet, you will. And usually for some reasons the relationships turn out to be serious for who didn't play the field.

I think you should join some physical activity as well to build your self esteem. You're probably better looking than you think. Trust me, we're our own worst critics sometimes. Don't beat yourself up so much. You probably give everyone else a break when you form an opinion about them, give yourself one too!! I hope you're doing well and I hope you get the help you need in whatever form you choose. Please post back and let everyone know that you're okay. If you ever need to talk to someone you can pm me. :lol: smile, it really can't be as bad as you think.

Nick, I was similar to you in high school. I went to one homecoming as a sophomore, which was disastrous, and no dances the rest of the time. I knew a lot of people who went to proms for whom the night did not come close to living up to expectations, so you may not have missed much.

You need to work on rebuilding self-esteem. That comes from the inside. Basing your self worth on whether or not you are dating is a dead end. You may be happy while dating, but if you hit a dry spell you're back to square one and have done nothing to fix the underlying problem.

Focus on what you can improve, i.E., your financial problems. If you are simply short on spending cash look for a job at the campus bookstore, temp, etc. If your financial issues are more serious check with your college office on obtaining student loans. Programs exist to help students with financial issues.

If you have spare time try volunteering. You will be accepted as no one turns away a helping hand. In the process you will develop your social skills. Look for charitable or political causes to support that can re-ignite your fire.

In the meantime please seek counseling through the student medical center. It's something I regret not having done, and I don't want you to have that same regret. There is hope for you, you must believe it.

Just because you don't have a bf/gf in high school doesn't mean **** (i'm saying this to emphasize how meaningless it is).

There's always something that people will like about you. I already envy your height, and it's quite possible that my so-called depression is engulfed around the idea that i'm not tall (5'7) compared to a great deal of people. I really feel that the shorter people like me lose girls to people of your stature. I always see a trend that 5'10-6'2 guys date 5'1'-5'9 girls.

Sure I might have danced with girls before, but all in all, i'm not much of an upgrade in comparison to you; many people have the problem of talking to people, especially girls. I've never dated before and i'm 18, and although I have many friends, and can easily make friends and i'm able to make up interesting topics to sustain some sort of conversation, I haven't been known as the "popular" one. Keep in mind, there are "popular" people that go to suicide. Actors/actresses for example. Why? They make so much money and pretty much can get what they want right? Wrong. It doesn't mean anything. I bet if you could revive them they would confirm this fact. (logically this doesn't make any sense because it's like i'm making a logical fallacy, but realistically, in life, it does)

as for your depression, mine is pretty deep also. When things really go wrong, I really think about what I can do to kill myself. I swore that if I had access to a gun, I would use it on myself..So by all means you aren't alone, this battle of mine has been more of a struggle of living or dying for me.

As for looks, there's a great number of people that don't think of themselves as "smoking hot", and I certainly fall into this category. I do not like taking pictures of myself, or being photographed at all.

Financial problems - this can be fixed by working more. And unless you are being chased by the mafia everyday for a few million dollars, I honestly don't think you should kill yourself.

We (the people living in well-developed countries) always give ourselves the luxuries to kill ourselves.
What about the people in africa who are starving to death? What about the people being oppressed in those countries? Not only are they not popular, but they are tortured/raped everyday. Why don't they just kill themselves so that we (in the well developed countries) don't have to deal with these issues? It is because doing so would be completely meaningless. Many of those people are fighting for their lives. Don't seriously consider about suicide nick (ironically I still do).

Everyone gets depressed about certain things. I didn't have a single boyfriend at all during high school, and I didn't want to go to the prom. Not because I didn't have any friends, but I didn't want to be stuck hanging out with the few friends who also didn't have dates. I didn't have a boyfriend because I didn't have very high self confidence. After I graduated high school I became more confident, went to more parties and the guys started noticing me. Now i'm almost 22 and have been dating a guy for almost four years...Which of course has its own problems.
Two months ago my boyfriend and I (working at the same place) quit our jobs out of anger. Having enough rent money for one more month we decided to quickly find jobs so we could keep our apartment. I looked for a job but my boyfriend didn't even try. Because of this I had to move out of my town to his home town sixty miles away. We now live with his parents. I have no friends in this town and I don't have a car so I can't drive to my city to visit my friends whenever I want. I still have to find a job and i'm in a lot of financial trouble. I graduate college in september but i'm not sure if i'll be able to find a good entry level job especially in this city that i'm living in now. So yeah, I would say that we all get depressed because of our problems. I've thought of suicide, not recently, but I know that won't solve anything. Keep on truckin'. There's always something in life to make you smile.

Thanks everyone for replying. It makes me feel better knowing that there are people that care. It has been a little less than a month since I posted. Things have gotten a little better since then. I have found a job that a guy I know helped me find this work. I know it will help me financially and I am doing really good in school so things have gotten better except for me still not getting a date. I am about to transfer to a engineering school to get a bachelor in industrial engineering so with school wise I am doing perfectly, but with girls and having a social life I am having lots of trouble. I thought maybe if I got a job, it will help me talk to people better and raise my self confidence. I just got the job so I hope I can gain some confidence in myself. I still am self conscious about my looks but I hope as I get older I can finally learn to just accept myself. I have not thought of suicide since I have found the job. I now talk to people at my work so my communication skills should get better. But I still think that I might never get a date, but I just hope for the best in the future except that I am getting older and nothing still has happened with me getting a date. I have heard alot of people say that I am my own worst critic, but sometimes I believe that I am ugly. There has to be something wrong with my looks if I am 19 and still have not got a date and rarely talk to girls. If any one has any good advice that can help me, I would really appreciate it. Thanks alot. Well anyway thanks for all your responses and I hope everyone finds happiness in some way because I am still searching.

Awdracer, I haven't even gone into half of my problems on this board. Some of which I can't possibly bring myself to write about on here, and some problems I just did not add. For instance, my boyfriend is abusive. Mostly verbally but occasionally physically. Why don't I break up with him? Because I can't support myself financially by myself at this point (being unemployed for almost two months now), and part of my still loves him. He is lazy and selfish and freaks out at the dumbest things. I can't move in with my parents because they do not want me back and I would not want to move back in with them. So I am stuck in a town with no one I know but a boyfriend who goes to hang out with his friends all of the time.
My boyfriend is the type of person who says one thing and does another. He says we will be out of his parents' house by the end of august but I know we won't be out of here until next january at the absolute earliest. This is a town that pays low wages, but prices are a little lower. Anyway, I have to start paying back my $50,000 loans for college next april and i'm not sure if I can get a job that pays even $12 an hour before then. When my boyfriend first moved in with me in my home town it took him eight months to find a job (he wasn't really looking, I had to go out and get applications for him and I had to force him to fill them out, so I could hand them back in). I was laid off after christmas and it took me three months to find a job. So we were both unemployed and living off of my student loans and my credit cards, so that's another $7,500 I still have hardly made a dent in to pay off.
As soon as we both find jobs in this town, my boyfriend is going to spend most of his money right away as he has done in the past. My plan two years ago was to move to the capital city in my state where there are more jobs. I managed to save a little money but he saved none so that never happened. It is going to take us a long time to save up to move out of here, but I can't be working behind a counter at a convenience store earning $6 an hour for too much longer. It would be impossible to find a job with my degree in this small town (i've already started looking).
Anyway, I have never actually attempted suicide. Thinking about it is one thing, but acting on it is another. I know I am more fortunate then some people and less fortunate then others, but everyone has their own sob story. I know that massive amounts of debt isn't too much to cry about, but it gets to you when you have several creditors calling you every week and you have no money to give them.

I'm 16/17, live in London, and for the past few months I've felt really depressed. I've contemplated suicide many a time, and have even go as far as putting a knife to my wrist and drawing blood...I am too scared to do it, though. I don't really have any friends, have never had a girlfriend, I only make people talk to me when I'm acting a fool for them (they ask me to shout something, I will). I'm part of a bigfamily and so that doesn't really help...I'm studying A-Levels after only just getting what I needed in my GCSEs (for the American/Canadians among you, I dunno what they'd be known as...uuuh, under graduate tests or something?). I really don't care anymore, as life doesn't seem to be going right for me, for many reasons which I will not waste time enlisting.

nick19 and anyone else in the category,

Takes alot to upset me. But if there is one thing that I will get a bit aggressive about it is this.

First of all your topic text is a threat of suicide. Secondly, I think you need to read my post in Self Injury forum about " Let's Review Mental
Health Statutes For S-i in the "Sticky area.
". Then think who are you really hurting? Yourself and leaving those that love you behind.
I have said this once and I will say it again. If there is one word that rustles my feathers it is the word "Suicide or End My Life". Yeah, easy way out of solving your problems. Just end it all.......Grrrrrr
Go get some help NOW!

Carrie

Am I wrong anyone? Who are you hurting by taking your life? You will be dead and not care. Don't you care about how your family would feel?

Dude, we're almost in the same boat. I've never been to prom, homecoming, semi-formal, etc. any sort of school dance. For most of my life I was lonely and struggling with personal demons. Recently, I've started being less shy with girls and talking to them more and hanging out and stuff. Also, I used to think I was ugly but I started being confident about it and things got better. If you are skinny, with proper training for about 3 years you can fill your 6 foot 2 height out with a muscular frame. Also, I also feel bad since even though I want a girlfriend, all the girls are taken, it makes me feel jealous and also since the girls are taken, I cant get a girlfriend. But its all cool, don't kill urself. Ur in college, ur smart, 30% of americans dont even graduate from high school. But listen to this, actually take action for what is happening to you instead of bemoaning how you're never gonna be happy w/ life, if you don't do anything and hope your life is going to miraculously change, its not, u gotta take action :
1. You think you are ugly-Find what sort of clothes looks good or natural on you
2. You think you are too skinny-Do proper fitness training for 3 years and you'll be in really good shape, send me a private message me if you want tips
3. You are shy around girls-Start by talking to them, then getting hugs, then asking to hang out, then being on a girlfriend-boyfriend level, then being maybe sexually active (depends on whether u practise abstinence). Also maybe you should take up some sort of extracurricular activity (football, basketball, soccer, martial arts/boxing, swimming, weight lifting, etc) to meet more people and to give your life direction

JFXMurphy

That is all any parent can expect of thier child. I personally have a crap fit when a parent sets higher standards for thier child when all the child can do is the best they can do. And I believe you are doing just that. Now, you need to consintrate on achieving the best in your life that your abilities will allow you. Set your own goals and stick to them. Setting goals in ones life is the best thing one can do for themselves. Without goals, we are just here doing nothing and happy doing it. You need to let your parents know in a nice way that you are doing the best you possibally can. And that you are having anxiety due to the fact that they are setting your achievments to high. Now, you may actually get to that point where you have met their requirments. But you will get there on your one. It's not like you are disobaying your parents.
I know from experience on this one and it angers me. Again, one sibling is treated like gold due to the fact of their great achievments and progress and the other is then expected to follow in thier footsteps. My kids step mom was that was. And today my youngest son is seeing a phsyciatrist due to it. The Doc tells him is suffering from being afraid that his father ( who he no longer even lives with) will ground him if he does no do what he is told. That son is now 33 years old!
You have to let you parents know that you are an indiviual person and only can achieve that what your knowledge will except. I am sure your parents love you very much and want to see you have a wonderful life and so do I. But they do not realize the damage that they are doing to you at this age.
I would sit down and have a family meeting (calmly) and let them know that you are doing the best that you can do and you know that they are looking out only for the best for you. But, it is causing you to much anxiety by trying to meet their exectations.

Does this make any sense? Don't get me wrong. I am a parent of three boys. One of them is a drug addict and does land scaping, one works at a bowling alley as head machanic and the other has his master degree in computer software anylist. Now does that mean I love my masters degree son better because he achieved those honors and was on the Deans List? NO!

Again, am I wrong here? Please don't make yourself sick trying to be someone you are not capable of being.

You'll do great!

Honekaur : This is the place to bring out your problems without being laughed at or humiliated. How can we help you if we don't know the whole story. I am sure everyone on this board has heard just about every thing there is to hear and would treat you with compassion and kindness. You need to open up so we can help you get some help.

JFXMurphy: Just the fact that you did not carry out you suicide attempt means you are crying out for help. Anyone that contenplates suicide and follows through, is not here to tell about it. That means for you there is much hope. If I were you (and the others in this thread) I would seek help ASAP. Suicidal thoughts and even attempts are NOT a good thing.

Glenn85uk : You post is great and you make alot of sense. I am sure you have many people that love you. And you are right on when you say that children that have parents that have commited suicide are more apt to do so themselves with the feeling of cause. Not true! You were not the cause. Could have been the marrige, could have been anything. Take a deep breath and stop blaming yourself if this is what you are talking about. You have a family right here that love you and are here to help.

ThomasJones and MMAFighter : Good Advice!

Just so you know, as a teen I myself attempted suicide three times and all three times I called 911. I was crying out for help! I am no different then anyone else on this board. Just been there, done that. I come from a broken home. Never knew my dad. Left mom when she was 6 month pregnant with me. We learn through experience.

Carrie

hay, the world is full of idiots, but there are some ppl with hearts out there. the world needs lovely caring ppl like u. c a gp asap - u need anti-depressants. he might refer u somewhere if not, u must c a psychologist 2.

one thing u need to get clear. do not kill urself. it will not solve none of ur problems... yes somebody mentioned it up there, it is 100% true. if u are not sure what life is about, go and c a priest and talk to him in private. read the bible, it will tell u y we r here.

Turn to God, he will not turn away from u.
Do you know some christian denominations refuse to bury ppl who commit suicide? Did you know Judas went to hell not because he betrayed Jesus, but because he commit suicide, did not repent and seek forgiveness. Even though he betrayed Jesus he could have gone to heaven but he went to hell.
Did you watch that movie where the priest ordered a deceased ladies' head cut off befure burial, due to her suicide?
Your body is the Lord's temple, do not homicide it.

Have you ever had a pet b4 or a plant for that matter? you raise them from such a small size, n just watching them grow makes u so happy. How do you feel when they die? Imagine how a parent would feel for their own child to die. It is torture. For a parent, it is cruel to c their children die. You should not hope that for them.

If not for the honour of your own parents, consider your own soul. do not sell your soul. believe me that is what's happening. it is to sell ur soul.

Lord bless, I hope you get this message.