Advice On Mending a Broken Heart.

Hi guys

first off, id like to say that im the biggest jerk and problem in the world.

Heres a summary of my story.


I cheated on my girlfriend of 4 years. Ive known her for 13 years. The whole affair lasted roughly 3mths to 4 mths. Within that timespan, I kissed, hug and spent time with the other party. To be really honest, I didnt know what I was doing. I was never into the affair. It just became so hard to say no. I know there isnt any excuse big enough to hide my cowardly act, and I accept all blame and responsibility.


Like all bad things, it came to surface and my gf found out. She forgave me. And is still with me. And I assure you ive never felt so wrong and remorseful about all that happened.
I ended the affair with a sigh of relief. It actually seemed as if my gf came to rescue me. But shes the one that needs rescuing more than ever now.


The thing is, ive told her most of the details of what me and the other person did together. And my gf is very obsessed over the details. I did exclude some things that are actually the same things I told her, only that it happened elsewhere. Like for example, a kiss at a park which she never knew about. She gets very very upset when she digs out another detail and it feels like the day she found out everything all over again. She even wants to know the number of times ive kissed the other party and how many times ive hugged her or whether ive seen her home etc.


Im trying my hardest and best to give her a safe and comforting environment to recover from all thats happened. But I realise that everytime she digs another detail, we start all over again from scratch.
I dont want to tell her everything else, firstly cause I think that its all over and it didnt mean a thing but also im afraid of the impact it might have on her.

I love her dearly and want us to be leading a happier life away from all the mess. I want to marry her and die with her. Shes been my life and I want her to continue doing so. I realise nothing will be forgotten. I feel guilty that she doesnt know the minute details. To be honest, I feel that as long as she knows the major things ive done, then its ok. But my gf's not like that. She wont stop till she feels satisfied with everything.

How do I deal with this? I cringe everytime I feel shes sad. It tortures me. She likes to remind me of what I did and she'll keep on talking about it and she'll go into a state of depression. Its been around a month since shes found out. Is this normal?

Any help or comments would be appreciated.

Thanks for listening.