Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I have been in a relationship with a man who is bi-polar for 2 years. He doesn't take any medication and tends to use alcohol and marijuana as medication. He is wonderful when he is well, but when he has an episode he starts to remove himself from me. He doesn't call as much or want to go out. He also get's thoughts in his head that he can't get over. He asks alot of questions about men in my past then when I am honest, he dwells on my responses. He throws things in my face when he get's into his moods. I'm not sure how to help him. I really do love him and he is a great person, it's just these episodes that have me stressed. He says he can't be with me, then we always stay together like nothing is wrong. I'm starting to feel like i'm going crazy. I don't know if I can help him or if I need to stay away for good. Any suggestions?

Michelle, it sounds from your post that you are a genuine, caring, loving person and have a lot to offer...But...

"he throws things in my face when he get's into his moods"

this is not ok. This is not an acceptable way to be treated by anyone. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Untreated bipolar disorder is not an excuse for abuse and violence. It is your responsibility to keep yourself safe from this kind of mental and physical violence.

"i don't know if I can help him"

no. You can't help him. Medication can help him. Professional psychotherapy can help him. You can love him. You can support him. You can enjoy the person he is - but it is not your role to help him. Don't cast yourself in that role. You're not his protector, nurse or mother.

"i'm starting to feel like i'm going crazy"

it is time for you to start helping yourself. You need to look after yourself. You need to consider what you want for yourself. It is ok to walk away.

I really, honestly and truly wish you the very best. Good luck.

I appreciate your response. I really have been trying to figure out what is going on with him, but i'll never understand. I can't change who he is and if he isn't willing to help himself it's a lost cause. I can't keep making up excuses for his behavior. I definitely can't sit around waiting for him. It's time for me pick myself up and become stronger. Maybe it's best to take some time to myself and let him figure out his own issues.

It seems that most people that have this disorder are really alot of fun and are great friends until they have an episode. I think that's why it's so hard to leave them. It's really sad!! :(

I lost a lot of friends and a husband before I was medicated for bipolar. Like you say, we're the life of the party until we go way, way too far. I have had to accept that the wonderful friendships I shattered are a consequence of having a mental illness. Life is not neccessarily fair. I wished that people could have understood it, understood me, known where I was - but I was lost and the only thing that could bring me back was medication. You can't make sense of bipolar. Living with bipolar - the heartwrenching loneliness of depression and the chaotic mania - and in my case - the psychosis - is utter hell. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It is very sad, but you are just as important as him. You need support and guidence. You have been living with the implications of his illness and it has had a massive impact on you. Make sure you get support in whatever you decide to do to get through this. Talk to your family, friends and let them know that you are going through a really rough time and accept their help. If you can get some counselling. Having someone there just to support you and help you make decisions can be extremely helpful. Make sure you don't go through this alone. Sweetie, you are not alone. My thoughts are with you.

Well, I guess I don't have to worry about making a decision on if I should stay or leave because he told me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I really thought after 2 years that he really cared for me. I don't know what to think. He said that I will always be in his life because he loves me so much and that he wants to still take care of me and my son. So many promises, but he can't be with me because of my past relationships? Sounds like he is running game on me. Maybe it has nothing to do with the illness. I can't help but to think it's another woman because his illness wouldn't make him just leave me. Is this type of behavior typical of a person with this disorder? Is it best to just leave him alone and let him deal with his issues on his own? I'm so confused and hurt. He has said this before on several occasions, but after a couple of days everything was fine. This time it's different, it's like he hates me!! No calls or anything and i'm not going to make an effort to contact him. I'm not desperate, but a part of me wants him to call. Maybe i'm sick!! Help!!

Michelle,

it's erie reading your messages because I dated my ex-boyfriend (who is bipolar) off and on for the last 8 years. There were times that we wouldn't talk for a year or two, then he'd "realize" that I was the only one for him and he needed me and i'd fall right back into it. This january I fell back into it for hopefully the last time. I had always thought he was bipolar for years and he was finally diagnosed in january and put on meds. I guess I thought that b/c of this, maybe it could work. But he stopped taking his meds recently and all hell broke lose and I ultimately ended things.

I posted something a few days ago about my own experience. You might be able to relate:
http://ehealthfor um.Com/health/topic63247.Html

given everything i've gone through, my advice would be to move on and save yourself the future heartache. Many times I have felt like I was insane. My ex was very manipulative and knew how to get to me (whether in a good or a bad way). When he was stable, he was amazing, but at times he would turn into someone else...The verbal and emotional abuse was just more than I could take.

I'm very sad that the relationship is over but I need to come to grips with the fact that I will never get what I need out of it.

Please feel free to ask me any questions if you have them. After 8 years of this, I feel like i've seen it all (in terms of my ex's bipolar disorder).