Omg! I have the same thing! I have no memories, no flash backs, no partial memories...Nothing concrete but I feel as if that is the only explination for my adult feelings...

I was always self stimulating as a child, I was hyperstimulated from the age of 6 onward... Now I can't acheve the big-o with the few partners I have been with and just feel that it is "ickie".

I have this vague "feeling" that something is "wrong" but nothing comes from that!

I don't want to have been abused but it is the only thing that makes sense!!

Well, I gotta crash...If you come up with any info please post it!! I want answers too!!!!!!!!

I've experienced this too, for me I feel like I can somewhat remember something but I never talked to anyone about it because i've always felt like maybe I just made it up or something. I've done a little research on suppressed memories and they say that it is a form of dealing with pain that we are not sure how to handle at the time. It might not have to be truly sexual abuse but something that you saw or experienced that you've blocked out. It might help to try and find out what the memory is so that you can deal with it.

Since it is such a vague feeling I don't really have any "fear" of finding out what it is but no matter how hard I concentrate on the feelings I can't get past this nebulous…feeling! I can’t even describe what it feels like…

it’s not really “fear”, it’s not really “anger”, it’s this strange combination of feelings that just makes it really confusing!

I guess that it is more of my responses in certain situations that makes me believe that it was something bad.

It is just the danmdist thing!!

I can almost guarantee that a ton of stuff that has happened since then is a lot worse then anything way back from being that young.

The feeling does have this “flash” of a dark stairwell so whatever “it” is could have happened in a number of places. My first apartment building, my neighbor’s house, my friend’s houses…i remember being in a ton of places that have dark stairwells but I do have that tiny flash.

Well, if this makes sense then please respond!

Wow! Yes, I have been going through the same thing. I've talked to my therapist about it and wondered about hypnosis. She told me though, that it may not help me. I really want to know what happenend to me. I think I was probably about 3-years-old. I've been through a lot in my life and can't imagine what my mind could be blocking that could be much worse than I already know I have.

first im not telling anyone to do things i did to find out mine! well i smoke hemp thought about the furthest memory i had as a child and climb back through memories untill i got there! i figured out i was molested! i am not a pot head but very spirtual im christian with native american heritage and read alot about shamans thats what lead me to the answer! again im not telling anyone what to do just giving you an option! im not saying it will work the first time but through high school i smoked and found myself having highs that were really deep like i couldnt stay outta my head. after i found out what i was looking for life didn't get easier just harder. the one thing i ask everyone is to not look back look to the future!

I am very skeptical about suppressed memories or the use of hypnosis to reveal such memories. I feel it opens the doors for well meaning people to plant memories in those searching for answers.

There could be a lot of reasons for having feelings of guilt about sexuality that do not stem from sexual molestation. It could have stemmed from the relations in your home life, or attitudes about sexuality in general.

I remember discovering sex and masturbation as young as 7 years old. The guilt that I experienced stemmed from attitudes of sex being dirty or wrong. Our culture sexualizes women at an early age, yet instills the idea that sex is wrong.

I have had a bad childhood and things happened to me and i can,t remember who it was that hurt me. can some one help me.

Suppressed memory, probably not. Most experts say that this is very unlikely- if you have absolutely no memory of something, it probably didn't happen.

However, there could really be some other reasons for you to feel this way about sex, which you might be able to work through with a therapist.

Yes, it is real. A few years ago, in certain siuations i would get that confused strange feeling that so many of you have talked about, i never new what it was.

I had no idea. Then i started a sexual relationship with my boyfriend. My mum kept asking weird questions 'is everything ok, are you sure' which made me want to know what she was talking about.

Eventually she told me that i had been molestered when i was three by my maid (who was a woman). my mum found out, because she saw me acting very odd and silent around her.Then she set a trap and caught her one day.
My parents took her to court and had her put away and her kids taken from her her and put into care.

I have no memory of this what so ever, nothing.So when i founf out, it was a huge shock.
Everything just made sense once i new about it.

My family and i left our country a few years ago due to political problems, near death experiences happened to us when i was around the age of 8, that i can sort of remember but its very hazy.

My only problem now is that when i have an arguement with someone, that causes me pain or anxiety, i block the whole conversation, its like my brain registers with the fact that i am stressed out and just shuts down. I cant stop it.

Then when i try remember the conversation, i draw a complete blank. I have even tried thinking to my self during these heated arguments 'i have to remember that, oh and that' ill repeat it in my head a few times and still i get no where. The only thing i can do is write it all down afterwards wile some things are still fresh in my mind, but after like 4 minutes its all gone. All i remember is that i had an arguement that caused me pain and stress, i know what it was about and thats it.

Does anyone know how i can cure this,or treat it. If so please contact me.

My father and I have been close throughout my adult life. When I was a child he abused my mother and he lost parental rights when I was 12. When I was an adult I sought him out and we reestablished a relationship. I thought he had changed and was a good man.

I now have two twin step-daughters who are ten and a 1 year old son. My father recently came to visit us and the next thing I know - he gets caught molesting my step girls! Since his arrest his computer has been confiscated and it is full of kiddie-porn! He is also being charged with credit card fraud from the elderly lady he looks after.

Today was the kicker. I have also had many of the experiences you all are speaking of. I was sexually aware around five even though I can only remember my parents kissing one time. I have had a horrible time building relationships with men and feel completely weird about sex and especially oral sex.

A family member called me today to tell me that when my mother left my father (I was ten) and took my sister and I with her we went to stay with this family member and his wife. Apparently she told him that she had caught my father "finger-banging" me. When he told me this my head started spinning and I felt all warm and like crying and yelling all at once. I am still in shock now as I write this. I'm not sure if I want to ask my mother about this or not. Her and I are really close and she just lives a block away from me.

What do you think? Should I pursue this to find out the truth for myself? should I confront my father? My mother? Thanks for any help or advice in advance.

Does anyone know the relationship between drugs and memory? Pot was originally experimented with as a "truth syrum" by the government. It is also scientifically proven to make you forget. Lastly, I learned in my college psychology class that if you are in an altered state when you experience something, you are more likely to recall it in that same altered state.

Someone encouraged me to smoke a joint with my mother. I did this and it triggered a psychotic break that lasted roughly three months and I haven't fully recovered after a full two years. I had a flood of very strange memories involving egyptian symbols, a ritualistically sacrificed baby and a lot of homosexual entercourse...

Two years later I lay awake some nights and try to put all of this together. These images that came out of nowhere still won't leave me.

When I was young and not sexually active I used to tell my step mom that "I had two periods" and that I always bled on the full moon.

Some things fit together in a logical way and point toward a pretty ugly picture...

What scares me the most, however, is the abstract way that they fit together. The little coincidences and similarities between people... The idea that I may have split personalities and a screwed up veiw of reality because I am in captivity of a maniac as we speak or that my mind is some kind of sick experiment. This is a picture that I can not paint for anyone but I live with it every day.

If anyone can tell me anything about trauma under the influence of pot, I would be very greatful.

BTW, I only smoked weed for a very short time around my 23rd birthday.

Wow I tottaly have a similar thing going on, when i'm lying in my bed after i have smoked pot, I will close my eyes and see images from my child hood, I see jig saw puzzles and Elephants, I have no idea why its crazy.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a suppressed memory. I don't like being touched at all. Even someone's arm brushing up against mine bothers me to the point of me having to pull away. I also have "fantasies" of being raped, which really weirds me out. I'm still young, so I don't really know what to think, and I don't have any way of seeing a psychologist to figure stuff out.
=(

my story pretty much matches up exactly with the first two of you and I know for pretty certain from my mother and my brother that I was sexually abused as a very young child-- like 3 or so, now most people would say oh you can't expect to remember you were so young but my IQ is 140 and I remember learning how to write at two years old, the only way I would not remember something that huge is if I suppressed it...hypnotherapy anyone?

suppressed memories are real i have had some that weren't even abuse that came back spontaneously and i have verified they were real...other traumatic events i know about from my childhood i remember in detail up to the traumatic moment and then it is blank...i know the rest only because i have heard the story

i also show a lot of signs of sexual abuse but until a month ago had no recollection of such...my family is a wonderful family and they never hurt me like that at all

i did have one short recurring flashback that i never understood...now i do understand it

i don't recommend hypnotherapy because of the possibility of false memories...but you can bring it back on your own when you are ready and with the right clues...i noticed once i physically reacted when someone said the word "room" and later i focused on that and also the parts of my body that often react to things...and then i started to remember...it helps to be with someone understanding that you can trust and talk to...but don't try to force it or you might invent something

remembering is terrifying but also allows for understanding and healing...even while the abuse was occurring (it was someone i did not know well) i tried to pretend it wasn't happening...and when i remember my brain starts yelling "nothing bad has ever happened to me" over and over which is i think what i told myself in order to forget

just pay attention to what triggers your symptoms and what your symptoms are and let your mind dwell on that while you are in a safe place...but be sure to have support because it is a really difficult journey...and don't push too hard...you will remember when you are ready

I am 20 and have had a supressed memory since i was a kid approx 7/8 i think. Never remebered anyhting but again felt uncomfortable about sex and trust issues. Well something happened and this memory just came flooding back and when i say flooding I was hysterically crying, hyperventiliating. I remember vividly being sexually assulated by my brother. but i dont really know if it was hes 8 years older than me and i think he used to just touch it and feel it with his fingers and sometimes his willy. But i would have a pillow over my face as i wasn't allowed to see. like i said i only just remembered this and me and my bro get on great but now I cant stp thinking about it and hes got a daughter.
I am so confused right now!!