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Suppressed Memory? (Page 1)

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I am confused about suppressed memory. I went to a psychologist a year ago and he skipped around the issue of sexual abuse. I have no memory of anything like this but when I was a child I was showing strange behavior, related to sexual curiosity but too young to be found out by myself and I am having sexual issues to this date, feelings of sex being wrong and dirty. If I have no memory of anything like this happening but show signs that arose worry from my psychologist then I am just strange or have suppressed memory?
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First Helper aubs2
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replied May 10th, 2006
Experienced User
I Have the Same Thing!
Omg! I have the same thing! I have no memories, no flash backs, no partial memories...Nothing concrete but I feel as if that is the only explination for my adult feelings...

I was always self stimulating as a child, I was hyperstimulated from the age of 6 onward... Now I can't acheve the big-o with the few partners I have been with and just feel that it is "ickie".

I have this vague "feeling" that something is "wrong" but nothing comes from that!

I don't want to have been abused but it is the only thing that makes sense!!

Well, I gotta crash...If you come up with any info please post it!! I want answers too!!!!!!!!
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replied May 31st, 2006
Hi
I've experienced this too, for me I feel like I can somewhat remember something but I never talked to anyone about it because i've always felt like maybe I just made it up or something. I've done a little research on suppressed memories and they say that it is a form of dealing with pain that we are not sure how to handle at the time. It might not have to be truly sexual abuse but something that you saw or experienced that you've blocked out. It might help to try and find out what the memory is so that you can deal with it.
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replied May 31st, 2006
Experienced User
Since it is such a vague feeling I don't really have any "fear" of finding out what it is but no matter how hard I concentrate on the feelings I can't get past this nebulous…feeling! I can’t even describe what it feels like…

it’s not really “fear”, it’s not really “anger”, it’s this strange combination of feelings that just makes it really confusing!

I guess that it is more of my responses in certain situations that makes me believe that it was something bad.

It is just the danmdist thing!!

I can almost guarantee that a ton of stuff that has happened since then is a lot worse then anything way back from being that young.

The feeling does have this “flash” of a dark stairwell so whatever “it” is could have happened in a number of places. My first apartment building, my neighbor’s house, my friend’s houses…i remember being in a ton of places that have dark stairwells but I do have that tiny flash.

Well, if this makes sense then please respond!
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replied June 6th, 2006
Wow! Yes, I have been going through the same thing. I've talked to my therapist about it and wondered about hypnosis. She told me though, that it may not help me. I really want to know what happenend to me. I think I was probably about 3-years-old. I've been through a lot in my life and can't imagine what my mind could be blocking that could be much worse than I already know I have.
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replied January 27th, 2008
i figured out my suppressed memories
first im not telling anyone to do things i did to find out mine! well i smoke hemp thought about the furthest memory i had as a child and climb back through memories untill i got there! i figured out i was molested! i am not a pot head but very spirtual im christian with native american heritage and read alot about shamans thats what lead me to the answer! again im not telling anyone what to do just giving you an option! im not saying it will work the first time but through high school i smoked and found myself having highs that were really deep like i couldnt stay outta my head. after i found out what i was looking for life didn't get easier just harder. the one thing i ask everyone is to not look back look to the future!
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replied January 27th, 2008
I am very skeptical about suppressed memories or the use of hypnosis to reveal such memories. I feel it opens the doors for well meaning people to plant memories in those searching for answers.

There could be a lot of reasons for having feelings of guilt about sexuality that do not stem from sexual molestation. It could have stemmed from the relations in your home life, or attitudes about sexuality in general.

I remember discovering sex and masturbation as young as 7 years old. The guilt that I experienced stemmed from attitudes of sex being dirty or wrong. Our culture sexualizes women at an early age, yet instills the idea that sex is wrong.
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replied May 1st, 2008
have i suppressed memory
I have had a bad childhood and things happened to me and i can,t remember who it was that hurt me. can some one help me.
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replied May 2nd, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Suppressed memory, probably not. Most experts say that this is very unlikely- if you have absolutely no memory of something, it probably didn't happen.

However, there could really be some other reasons for you to feel this way about sex, which you might be able to work through with a therapist.
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replied September 26th, 2008
i already know why i have supressed memories
Yes, it is real. A few years ago, in certain siuations i would get that confused strange feeling that so many of you have talked about, i never new what it was.

I had no idea. Then i started a sexual relationship with my boyfriend. My mum kept asking weird questions 'is everything ok, are you sure' which made me want to know what she was talking about.

Eventually she told me that i had been molestered when i was three by my maid (who was a woman). my mum found out, because she saw me acting very odd and silent around her.Then she set a trap and caught her one day.
My parents took her to court and had her put away and her kids taken from her her and put into care.

I have no memory of this what so ever, nothing.So when i founf out, it was a huge shock.
Everything just made sense once i new about it.

My family and i left our country a few years ago due to political problems, near death experiences happened to us when i was around the age of 8, that i can sort of remember but its very hazy.

My only problem now is that when i have an arguement with someone, that causes me pain or anxiety, i block the whole conversation, its like my brain registers with the fact that i am stressed out and just shuts down. I cant stop it.

Then when i try remember the conversation, i draw a complete blank. I have even tried thinking to my self during these heated arguments 'i have to remember that, oh and that' ill repeat it in my head a few times and still i get no where. The only thing i can do is write it all down afterwards wile some things are still fresh in my mind, but after like 4 minutes its all gone. All i remember is that i had an arguement that caused me pain and stress, i know what it was about and thats it.

Does anyone know how i can cure this,or treat it. If so please contact me.
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replied December 2nd, 2008
is it a good idea to unsupress?
My father and I have been close throughout my adult life. When I was a child he abused my mother and he lost parental rights when I was 12. When I was an adult I sought him out and we reestablished a relationship. I thought he had changed and was a good man.

I now have two twin step-daughters who are ten and a 1 year old son. My father recently came to visit us and the next thing I know - he gets caught molesting my step girls! Since his arrest his computer has been confiscated and it is full of kiddie-porn! He is also being charged with credit card fraud from the elderly lady he looks after.

Today was the kicker. I have also had many of the experiences you all are speaking of. I was sexually aware around five even though I can only remember my parents kissing one time. I have had a horrible time building relationships with men and feel completely weird about sex and especially oral sex.

A family member called me today to tell me that when my mother left my father (I was ten) and took my sister and I with her we went to stay with this family member and his wife. Apparently she told him that she had caught my father "finger-banging" me. When he told me this my head started spinning and I felt all warm and like crying and yelling all at once. I am still in shock now as I write this. I'm not sure if I want to ask my mother about this or not. Her and I are really close and she just lives a block away from me.

What do you think? Should I pursue this to find out the truth for myself? should I confront my father? My mother? Thanks for any help or advice in advance.
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replied February 26th, 2009
Can't figure it out.
Does anyone know the relationship between drugs and memory? Pot was originally experimented with as a "truth syrum" by the government. It is also scientifically proven to make you forget. Lastly, I learned in my college psychology class that if you are in an altered state when you experience something, you are more likely to recall it in that same altered state.

Someone encouraged me to smoke a joint with my mother. I did this and it triggered a psychotic break that lasted roughly three months and I haven't fully recovered after a full two years. I had a flood of very strange memories involving egyptian symbols, a ritualistically sacrificed baby and a lot of homosexual entercourse...

Two years later I lay awake some nights and try to put all of this together. These images that came out of nowhere still won't leave me.

When I was young and not sexually active I used to tell my step mom that "I had two periods" and that I always bled on the full moon.

Some things fit together in a logical way and point toward a pretty ugly picture...

What scares me the most, however, is the abstract way that they fit together. The little coincidences and similarities between people... The idea that I may have split personalities and a screwed up veiw of reality because I am in captivity of a maniac as we speak or that my mind is some kind of sick experiment. This is a picture that I can not paint for anyone but I live with it every day.

If anyone can tell me anything about trauma under the influence of pot, I would be very greatful.

BTW, I only smoked weed for a very short time around my 23rd birthday.
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replied February 26th, 2009
Wow I tottaly have a similar thing going on, when i'm lying in my bed after i have smoked pot, I will close my eyes and see images from my child hood, I see jig saw puzzles and Elephants, I have no idea why its crazy.
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replied April 26th, 2009
Confused
Sometimes I wonder if I have a suppressed memory. I don't like being touched at all. Even someone's arm brushing up against mine bothers me to the point of me having to pull away. I also have "fantasies" of being raped, which really weirds me out. I'm still young, so I don't really know what to think, and I don't have any way of seeing a psychologist to figure stuff out.
=(
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replied July 3rd, 2009
suppressed memories and sexual abuse
my story pretty much matches up exactly with the first two of you and I know for pretty certain from my mother and my brother that I was sexually abused as a very young child-- like 3 or so, now most people would say oh you can't expect to remember you were so young but my IQ is 140 and I remember learning how to write at two years old, the only way I would not remember something that huge is if I suppressed it...hypnotherapy anyone?
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replied September 10th, 2009
suppressed memories are real i have had some that weren't even abuse that came back spontaneously and i have verified they were real...other traumatic events i know about from my childhood i remember in detail up to the traumatic moment and then it is blank...i know the rest only because i have heard the story

i also show a lot of signs of sexual abuse but until a month ago had no recollection of such...my family is a wonderful family and they never hurt me like that at all

i did have one short recurring flashback that i never understood...now i do understand it

i don't recommend hypnotherapy because of the possibility of false memories...but you can bring it back on your own when you are ready and with the right clues...i noticed once i physically reacted when someone said the word "room" and later i focused on that and also the parts of my body that often react to things...and then i started to remember...it helps to be with someone understanding that you can trust and talk to...but don't try to force it or you might invent something

remembering is terrifying but also allows for understanding and healing...even while the abuse was occurring (it was someone i did not know well) i tried to pretend it wasn't happening...and when i remember my brain starts yelling "nothing bad has ever happened to me" over and over which is i think what i told myself in order to forget

just pay attention to what triggers your symptoms and what your symptoms are and let your mind dwell on that while you are in a safe place...but be sure to have support because it is a really difficult journey...and don't push too hard...you will remember when you are ready
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replied November 3rd, 2009
Surpressed Memory now un-surpressed
I am 20 and have had a supressed memory since i was a kid approx 7/8 i think. Never remebered anyhting but again felt uncomfortable about sex and trust issues. Well something happened and this memory just came flooding back and when i say flooding I was hysterically crying, hyperventiliating. I remember vividly being sexually assulated by my brother. but i dont really know if it was hes 8 years older than me and i think he used to just touch it and feel it with his fingers and sometimes his willy. But i would have a pillow over my face as i wasn't allowed to see. like i said i only just remembered this and me and my bro get on great but now I cant stp thinking about it and hes got a daughter.
I am so confused right now!!
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replied January 3rd, 2010
If Only You Knew
For most of my life I've been odd around men/boys because deep down I've always had this strange feeling around them. I always associated this with the fact that my two oldest sisters and my niece were molested when they were younger. And for a long time I always felt guilty because I felt as if I had been molested to.

So for a long time I had these feeling inside of me, eating me away from the inside out.

And then when I was in the 5th grade I began having horrible nightmares, most involving rape. Then in 7th grade I woke up in th middle of the night, after an intense dream, and burst out in tears.

I had remember the feel some of someone touching me right after I had gotten out of the shower. I think it was my sister's ex-husband, who had also molested my niece and his other daughter, but I'm not sure.

I also have memories of going to into a small apartment connected to my grandmother's house, where the man who had molested my two olders sister's lived.

I remembered this three years ago and I still don't remember who did it, or if it actually happened or not.

All I know is that when I look back on my childhood now I can see all the symptoms of sexual abuse. I also have many symptoms that could stem from being sexual abused.

- I often made barbies/dolls preform sexual acts.
- I wet the bed alot and was afriad the dark.
- I felt/feel uncomfortable around all men.
- I was often rebelious and got in trouble.
- I was/am often depressed and moody.
- I was clingy to a point where I often refused to go to school.
- I didn't/don't like people to touch me.
- I had/have trust issues.
- I slept in the same bed with my mom until I was 14 because I was scared to sleep alone.
- I'm bad with relationships.
- I think sex is dirty and unclean, expecially oral sex.

I'm not sure if these are just coincidences or not. And I'd love it if someone could tell me something more about surpressed memories and how to deal with them. Or if there's a way to tell if they're real or not.
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replied January 12th, 2010
Really Confused
I've been going to counseling to get through some issues, including chronic illness and sexual abuse. I worked through all my sexual issues that I knew of (being raped when I was 13, being forced/coerced to have sex with numerous men at many different times from age 14-22, was "date raped" while I was crying and saying "no", feel/felt disgusted and dirty about anything sexual, didn't want to be touched, had no interest in sex, felt used/abused when even my boyfriend wants to have sex with me)...etc, etc.

However, after working through all these things, my/the counselor seemed to think there was something even deeper. He asked me to close my eyes and think back and asked that part of my mind to come forward. The first time he did this, I had a vision of my brother coming into my room at night and undressing me and looking at my private areas...I had had that weird thought in my head before, but never though it was real or knew if it was real...but my counselor and I dealt with it, as if it were real, and I cried a lot and forgave him and got through it (though I wasn't sure if it was real). But, why would I even have a thought like that, if it weren't real? Why would my mind come up with something like that? ...Anyway, I felt better after I dealt with it and forgave him, so I decided to just figure it was real, though I'm still not sure...but why would I cry so much, if it weren't. Really confusing.

...So, a week later, my counselor decided to try to find something even deeper...so, I closed my eyes...and remembered having this weird vision of being tied to stakes, spread eagle, standing up and that it made me feel scared and sexual and turned on. This vision made me sick; sick in my stomach. I didn't want to tell anyone that I had had this kind of thought when I was a child; and I have no idea where it came from. ...So, then he decided to "dig" even deeper. I closed my eyes...and saw/thought of a baby being raped and then of having dreams about being in love with/sensual with my older brother...but the two thoughts seemed unrelated. I was really confused. I told my counselor what I saw/thought of...and he seemed to think that this baby was me, when I was an infant. I'm still not sure. I mean, why would something like that come into my head? Do those kinds of things just pop into people's heads? Am I just crazy or imagining things? He asked me to see who it was...and I said, "my father", which I wasn't sure of...if I had to guess or pick someone, it seems it would be...because it seemed it was a grown man...and not a sibling/brother. But, then I felt like I may just be imagining these things...or that the thoughts were "provoked"... of course, I wouldn't have any memory if I were raped by my father as an infant...but, I've been around my father, and though he is a messed up man, I can't imagine that he would do something like that...and I would think that my mom would know, when she changed my diapers and stuff...

...So, my counselor wanted me to deal with it, as if it were real...and I felt like I tried to say I didn't know if it was real or not...and I feel like it's not...but, I'd like to know if it is...but I don't want to believe something that's not real...I only want to believe it if it's real...but, how could I possibly know? ...So, we dealt with it, as if it were real...and I cried and sobbed a lot...and I couldn't figure out why I was crying...just at the thought that it COULD have happened???...just at the thought of it possibly happening???...just imagining IF it happened???...or did it REALLY happen???????....I can't beleive that it really did happen. What if it didn't...and I'm sitting here, thinking that my father raped me as an infant? How sick is that? I don't want to think that or believe that. The ONLY way I want to think that or believe that is ONLY if it REALLY happened. But, how can I know? I don't have an actual "memory" or it happening. I just had this weird vision of a man penetrating a baby...and then went from there...just because my counselor thought it was me...doesn't mean that it is/was. ...I'm really confused. I WANT to know the TRUTH. But, how do I know what the truth is?? I don't want to believe something that's not real.

...And, at this point, I'm really unsure of whether it's real or not. I'm really confused. I don't want to feel this, if I don't have to.
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replied April 22nd, 2010
please help
I have almost all of the symptons some of you were talking about along with anxiety of just being around people even people ive known most of my life i rarely talk i mainly keep to my self and it is mostly around men i am most nervous i even had to quit my job because the men there would always hit on me i know they were just kidding but it still bothered me. i have a flash back of my father bein naked but that is all i remember. and another of him touching me im not sure if they are real. i was sure i was ready to have a sexual relationship with my boyfriend but when it came down to it i couldnt do it and i ended up breaking up with him. i wish i could get rid of these memories all together but since they are there i do some times wonder if some thing did happen to me..... although part of me wants to know i sometimes ask myself if knowing this would help me or just make me feel worse..... i was seventeen years old when i started to feel this way and i am now eighteen years old. my life has changed so much and i havent been close to any one ever since... any advice????????
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replied March 23rd, 2011
I was raped and abused to the point that I was left unconscious on many occasions from the age of 3. I had no memory of this till I was 44. I did however have nightmares mood swings depression sexual acting out bad relationships splitting and many other symptoms. My way through was by being honest that I had problems and working on dealing with that and when I started to feel safe the flood gates opened and it all can back
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