I just can't seem to quit either. I have all the reasons in the world to quit....but like alot of others I smoke on. I've lost 2 grandfathers to lung cancer, my dad have a massive stroke then cancer, he passed away this past Dec, he was diagnoised with cancer after the stroke first bladder then bone. My own health is soooooo bad and still... sometimes I think I have my own death wish. It's selfish to continue to smoke when you know it is killing you right? I have a beautiful son 20 yrs old and he had begged me to stop smoking since he was old enough to realize it was a "bad" thing. I did quit one time for 2 weeks after my dad's stroke, it was a really bad stroke, took his speech right side paralzes, it was terrible he had been a smoker before the stroke and he used to grab for my cigarettes and try to break them, that's when I call my doc. got a prescription for Chantix and actually quit for 2 weeks. Then one afternoon I got the call that my dad's cancer had spread to his bones and we needed to take him home and put him back in bed and keep him comfortable, immediately after I hung up the phone I almost broke my neck trying to get to the store to buy some cigerattes and have been smoking every since again.
My personal health issues as I stated cancer runs in my family both sides all four grandparents and now my dad. I am 39 years old, I have a bad heart, aortic insufficency from mild to moderate in one years time; the other 3 valves also started leaking in that years time. I currently take 5 pills a day for right sided heart failure. I have digestive problems, ischemic colits ( stoke in colon), diverticulitis it just goes on and on. I also suffer with back problems, and extra vertebre in lumbar region, arthrtis, bulging disk laying on a nerve root, stenosis. I also have a cyst in my brain (arachnoid cyst), massive miagraines. As I am sure if you've read this far you can see I have EVERY reason in the world to quit, but why don't I???????? You know sometimes I amaze myself as to just how stupid and selfish I am. I know it's a crutch for me and sometimes when I think of how I feel from day to day with all the health issues, I just think I'm doomed anyway, which I know is a cop out, but I don't know what to even think of myself anymore.