I have been reading the posts and they have been very helpful in coping with my breakup. However, I want to get your thoughts on my situation and see what you think of it. Its a long post so sorry if it takes too long.
I was with this woman for 3 and 1/2 yrs. It was a long distance relationship but this was something we discussed that we will do till we get together. However, we used to fly to each other's place every month and I never cared for the money. She had 2 teenage kids and I was in my late twenties and I accepted them ( I have no kids of my own). Her old relationship was with an abusive guy and I came and I treated her good (i am not making this up. I seriously never called her names or did anything wrong to her). For the first 2 and 1/2 yrs of my life, she was the best a man can get from a woman. Supportive and she used to always say that I was the love of her life and we discussed marrying down the road. I used to pay for her rent, her expenses and pretty much took care of everything she needed. By doing this, I did go into a little debt, but I cared for her so I always thought about her.
Then last july, after we had a great vacation together, within 2 weeks of her going back home, I feel some indifference towards me. I thought she was just stressed since she was going to school and working. Then one day she calls me and says we need to break up. I ask her why and she says that im working too much and not spending time with her. I am like, we just had a vacation together and I was just a little overworked the week before. So I prod her and ask her if there is someone else and after about 20 mins in the conversation she says there is this guy. I ask her if she slept with him and she says no. I was deeply in love with her and I wanted her back and she was hesitant and saying she has feelings for him now. Then after a while of asking she admits on sleeping with him. My heart sank but I still pleaded to get back and work out the relationship (my biggest mistake now that I think back). After a while she says ok and we meet again and we discuss how we will work out and how our life would be and both agree on it and she promises that she will never contact that guy. Then within 2 weeks of her leaving, she falls sick and needs surgery. I drop everything to fly to her and take care of her. Pretty much every time I talked to her since she cheated on me, she always had this attitude that she was too good for me. I used to think, "she cheated on me and I feel guilty?? Why is this happening??".
Then 2 months ago, I checked her online chat profile and it has 2 friends, one is the guy who she cheated with and another guy. So I ask her why they are there, and she says that its because the guy with whom she cheated with added her and she had no control on that. So I say ok, but who is this other guy. And now she says its this guy who she knows long before me and is just a 'friend'. She was planning a vacation with her kids to a place near mine but which is also close to this 'friend' and she mentions that he invited her to his place and she is considering to go there. So we had this huge fight where I said that I dont feel comfortable with this and I dont want her to go there. So after that fight she said yes. Then finally last month she goes on this vacation and when she was stayin at my place, her phone record shows she called him. I asked her and she says she was lost so she called him. That blew the lid off and I had this huge fight with her. She says that I am not willing to commit and thats why she does not feel we are going anywhere. I asked her what is all the stuff we discussed on where we are heading and she said its nothing. She even claims she didnt do anything wrong ever and I reminded her of her infidelity and she says the same thing.
We broke up and I felt sad but I kept thinking that since she cheated on me, it was never the same and all she cared about was these other friends. So we decided to be friends still but then I find out that in one month we were together, she texted about 200 times (none to me). So I ask her, what? And she say its her 'friends'. I ask her how many times she talks to this 'friend' when we were together and she says a few times in a week. In the 3yrs we were together, I never ever knew about this guy and that she was talking to this 'friend' and she has the balls to say that she did nothing wrong.
I am sorry for this long post, but I really want to get over her. Its so difficult with the thought that she will be with someone else. But I know she already has done that and I am very sure she is going to end up with this 'friend'. Why is there so much anger in me (i am not that angry of a person). Is it because, she was my first true love? Or is it because she told me a bunch of crap and does not live to it? Do you think I should still be in touch with her? I hate to say this, but for all the hurt she caused me, I dont wish her well but at the same time I have feelings for her which makes this so confusing. I would appreciate if you could give me your thoughts.
You feel used, and you were! Time to wipe off that big "s" on your forehead and go on with your life. Maybe it didn't initial start off that way but you fronted all the money and emotional support to someone you really didn't know. In my opinion long distance relationships don't work cause eventually someone will feel neglected....Whether it's true or not doesn't matter the fact is they feel this way...So it is true to them.
I suspect she'll probably call again.....Most likely when the cash flow is low. She lied and cheated on you.....What more do you need to know?
And if you really love someone and do break up, for whatever reason....You "do" wish them well. Take care of yourself and find someone closer to you that you can truly get to know. And next time don't give your heart and wallet away to easily. :)