Joined: 19 Apr 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Nova Scotia, Cnada
Weed's Got Me Posted: 04-19-06 15:53pm
Hey... My name is jake and i'm 17. I've
been smoking weed for six years now (since
I was 11) and now i'm stuck. I've been
smoking dope heavily for about three years
(that means at the very least one joint
every day). I've also been smoking for
two and a half years. So, u can guess
that my lungs are pretty much shot, but
that's not my chief concern.
People always say that weed isn't
addictive, but I would like to disagree.
It may not cause a physical addiction but
it sure as hell can cause a psychological
one. I've been wanting to quit weed for a
couple of months now but haven't been
doing too good for myself. The longest I
managed was three days, which isn't good
at all.
I used to be a goddamm honor student and
now i'm failing courses. I was a nine
time gold medal winning wrestler who had
the opportunity to wrestle in the canada
games, but I messed that up too. My
parents have also lost a lot of the
respect they had for me.
That was two years ago (the wrestling) and
i'm pretty sure it was pot that made me
decide to quit. One day I just decided I
'didn't like it anymore', but the truth is
(i think) that weed stole my motivation
from me.
Since then i've sunken into depression
(which the doctor says I can't even be
tested for because I smoke weed) and now
my life has no direction. That adds to
the difficulty of my quitting, because I
don't know if I have clinical depression
or if its just weed.
I've tried everything I can think of but I
can't get off it. Some days i'll think,
"ok, you don't need it anymore. It's
doing it you up and you don't need it.",
"weed is the reason you hate yourself, its
the reason you're unhappy." but for every
one of those thoughts, another one will
force itself into my head, "say it all you
want, but tomorrow, at some point, you're
gonna do it." or, "it's not weed's fault,
you're just a p*ssy and you can't deal
with your own life, you're a whiner", or
"weed is my friend, it's all that gets me
through the day."
almost everyone I know is a pothead, and
my school lies in the heart of a drug
town. My best friend (who i've known my
whole life) is a dealer and at school, the
only thing to do on break is go to the
smoking section, where everyone has their
cigarette and their joint. On top of
that, I live in the boonies, where there
is absolutely nothing. I don't have my
driver's liscence, nor do I have a job.
That means that I can't go anywhere and
even if I could I wouldn't have any money
(except for the occaisional 10-20
dollars). Even when I do have money, I
can't think of anything to do with it
except for buy weed. I mean, really, what
is there to do with 5-10 bucks other than
smoke a joint?
I'm sure there are going to be some people
who read this and say, "pfff... What a
dink. If you're that worried about it
then just stop, it can't be that hard."
but the thing is that it is hard. I just
don't know how to deal with myself when
i'm not high. It's almost become my
normal state. It's at the point where
when i'm high, I don't feel high, but when
i'm not high, I feel not high. That may
be a little unclear, but I can't describe
it much better than that.
When i'm high i'm calm and nothing bothers
me, i'm not exceptionally happy either,
but at least i'm not upset. When i'm
sober for too long I become very edgy and
I tend to snap at people for no reason
whatsoever. I sometimes find myself so
angry and frustrated that I have to do
something about it, and rather than going
out and destroying something, i'll just
smash my head off a wall untill the anger
is gone and all I can feel is the pain.
I've also cut myself (only once or twice)
but thats how bad my rage gets. I'm not
gonna let myself turn into a cutter too.
I've contemplated suicide, to the point of
actually thinking about what I would put
in the note, but I don't want that. I'm
not trying to inspire pity, I hate people
that do that... But I had to tell
someone.
Anyways... That's me. I want to stop,
and I think what I might need is someone
to encourage me and keep track of my
progress. Someone to b*tch at me when I
fail. Maybe that's just wishful thinking.
I really would appreciate some help...
|
shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 04-20-06 13:02pm
Jake…
i get it. I really do. I am an
alcoholic, that’s what got me into
recovery, but I also operated a small
indoor garden for many years. I quit
drinking, I had to, but what harm could a
bit of herb do?
I know what you meant when you said when
i’m high, I don’t feel particularly
high. But when i’m not high I clearly
feel not high. If I had a bag, and I
almost always did, I thought about when I
could spark the next one up. I absolutely
obsessed on it.
I don’t use any mood altering substances
these days, unless you include coffee. I
don’t hang out with people who do, that
makes it a lot easier to stay the course.
Jake, here’s the deal as i’ve been
given to understand it. We need to change
our play pens (the places we go to get
high) and our playmates (the people we get
high with). If I keep going back to the
barber shop, i’m going to keep getting
my hair cut.
You are closer to the truth in your last
paragraph than you might think. This
getting clean business is best done with
the help of other people who are trying to
do the same thing. Find the guys who have
met with some success at getting clean,
and do what they are doing.
At any rate, try to think about this as a
one day at a time thing. It isn’t very
useful to think about never getting stoned
again for the rest of your life, it’s
just too big. Think about not getting
stoned just for today. I am not going cop
a buzz till midnight. Then at 12:01 make
a new deal with yourself.
And come back here, encouragement is what
we specialize in
richard