Hello

i have had a really caca few years really. I was so glad to stumble across this site, as I didn't even know places like this existed! You all seem to help each other out so much, and so I am hoping someone can do the same for me.

My problems started when I was 16 (now 21) when my friends gave me crap for having a big ass, even though it wasn't big at all! I was 55 kg and 165cm tall... I basically cut out all food groups from my diet except fruit and dairy, so bad!!! My weight loss was just muscle, and I looked so so awfully skinny. My weight dropped to 40kg. Because I cut out so many food groups I began to crave them wildly, and decided one day that I would have a day off and eat whatever I wanted. Feelings of guilt swept over me and so I switched to bulimia, throwing up 15 times a day sometimes. This lasted all the way through my final year of high school.

I moved to the city after school and discovered drugs of all kinds, which made me forget about my bulimia for a while because I had no appetite. I was quite addicted to ecstacy and especially meth, so I was killing my mental health even further. Once I decided to take a break from the drugs I turned to alcohol, managing to keep up with my guy friends drinking up to 15 beers a day. My weight increased (as it would!!!)

my bulimia came back because I freaked out about my weight gain, and so my parents offered to pay for me to go to a psychologist. The doc put me on dexamphetamines (mild amphetamines for add treatment) which in turn got me back into the drug abuse.

Basically I have now been placed on antidepressents for my constantly low moods, still throw up at least once a day, I still go out on the weekend and take drugs, and still drink like a fish. I am miserable, and cant go on like this anymore. How the hell do I regain control? I know I am capable of so much more, my studies and work are suffering, and I am so in love with my boyfriend but fear that I might screw that up too. It may as well go all pear shaped, everything else does...