What Does He Want From Me?

For two weeks, I have had no contact with my ex-boyfriend of a little over six months. We broke up six weeks ago.

Until two wednesdays ago, he was still calling and text messaging every day. He admitted that he still likes me but thought that it would be "too confusing" for us to get together. Finally, he agreed to come to my city (an hour and a half from him) to see me last wednesday night. He tried to back out on wednesday morning, but I got really mad at him. I hadn't seen him in five weeks, and I had planned this in advance, scheduled my week around it, and been looking forward to it. He tried to back out, I kid you not, because he had to make a phone call about a loan. As if the hour and a half train ride wouldn't have given him ample time to do that.

He got here, and he took me out for a lovely dinner. He then took me to another restaurant for dessert. He paid for everything and was clearly enjoying himself. We talked, and I felt serious sparks like at the beginning. Everything was going well, and I though we would get back together, so I let him spend the night at my house. The chemistry was completely still there, and I made the huge mistake of sleeping with him.

The next morning, I was driving him to the train, and I asked him if he was going to disappear for another five weeks. He said he didn't know. We broke up because of a fight we had on a ski trip in february, and I told him I thought it was time to get over the ski trip, that people fight, etc. He told me it wasn't the ski trip that concerned him but the fact that "we still have conversations like this." in the end, I told him if we were going to be hooking up, I wanted to see him again in the near future. He asked when, and I said before easter. He said "how about we see each other after easter?" and told me that I just couldn't live with uncertainty, that his whole life was uncertainty, and that he wasn't ready to get back together right now. I closed his door and drove away in tears.

I blocked him from computer messaging, and he hasn't called, but I can't help but be really hurt by all of this. It's all very hard, and I think it is unfair for him to have dragged me into his confusion. Is no contact the right thing to do?

He has said some really cruel things to me. When we first broke up, he told me that he saw some things in my personality that he didn't like and that he was "very picky about personalities." on this particular day, he told me that I brought the whole break up on myself. I wasn't myself on the trip that caused the breakup, and we had three days that were less than perfect. But it kills me that he can disregard six great months in which I was nothing but wonderful to him and draw conclusions about my "personality" based on three days.

I know that I guilt tripped him into coming, and I accept most of the responsibility for the pain I am feeling about this particular encounter. But it doesn't alleviate the anger I feel towards him. I feel mistreated and deceived, n ot just because of this one night but because he took all of the good times I had to offer and threw me away at the first sign of imperfection.

This has been the worst break up I have every gone through, and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. Is this normal behavior? I am terrified that I won't find anyone like him again.