Hysterectomy , And Not Dealing Well

First you need to identify some things.
Do you want to have sex?
Does the thought of having sex scare you?
Do you feel different about your body because of the hyst?
Did you keep your ovaries?

You need to have open communication with your partner.
Explain that right now sex hurts and so until you get this sorted penetrative sex is off bounds.
He should respect this but in turn don't dismiss his needs - join in with masturbating him, sex doesn't have to mean penetration.
Ensure you keep up contact ie hold hands, kiss, cuddle etc

are you tensing up at the thought of sex because you know it will hurt?
If so lead up to it gently, make sure you are relaxed, take a warm bath, watch a movie together and then when you are feeling sleepy go to bed together but instead of sleepy have a long cuddly kissy session, get him to use his hands on you so that you are feeling ready - don't rush it.

Maybe the first few times only allow him to slip a finger in and see if this causes pain.

You are no less of a woman because of a hyst and the fact that your partner wants to sleep with you should tell you in no uncertain terms that you are an attractive woman.

If your ovaries were removed then you are quite likely lacking in essential hormones, have you tried any form of hrt?

Tiredness, vaginal (yeast) infections, depression are sometimes a sign of too must progesterone, so maybe look into changing the type of hrt.

Also before sex do not be afraid to use a lubricant such as ky-jelly or any other water based lubricant.

Just give me a shout if you want any more on this topic

I do not have my ovaries, and we have tried ky-jelly and other jellies. The jellies make it really sticky and tacky. I have also tried hormone replacements and that has not helped.

It is true that I do feel like i'm empty and not a hole woman but me partner does tell me "he feels no different about me since I had the hys".
We have talked about the pain and he says he understands but then it's like he's forgotten everything we've talked about. I've done the masturbation thing with him and when ever he uses his fingers they also hurt. I know it's because it's because i'm dry.

I know about the depression thing also. I am taking an antidepressant and my doctor and I have talked about the side effects. And of course, there is a sexual side effect, but my partner is also taking the same antidepressant . And it does'nt seem to effect him.

To put it all in a nut shell. I'm scared that sooner or later he'll get tired of waiting for me to get myself straight. He's gone thru 2 back surgeries and the hyst with me so how much more can I except him to put up with. I really think that i'm asking alot of him.

If there's anything else you can recommend something else please let me know. Thanks for the info.

Hi, have your tried any alternative medicines like chinese medicine or naturopathy? You never know you may need a different approach?

It's a very difficult spot you're in but don't loose sight of the love between you, people can endure many things as long as you are both still trying and providing understanding and support to each other.

Do you and your partner feel you could go and talk to someone together?

Just some idea, keep your faith,

sydneygirl

Ok, I have somewhat of a wetness solution for you.

I used to really really love sex. After my son, my uterus prolapsed, and it got painful, and I thought the hysto would solve it... Nope....

I have two problems stemming from it...Scar tissue where they closed off my vaginal canal (where my cervix used to be), and lubrication issues.

Right now, there's not much I can do about the scar tissue. But I know what you mean about personal lubricants getting 'sticky or tacky' after a short period of time, and god forbid you have a ceiling fan going cause then it's like glue!

I started noticing that if I had it on my hands and I washed my hands, they got super slippery from the water mixed with the lubricant. So our solution was to keep a small water spray bottle with the lubricant. Once you apply the lubricant, spray a mist of water on top of it. It definitely solves the problem. A bit complicated, and awkward at first. But if you are having sex with your partner, it means you must be comfortable with the person to even be having sex with them, so going that extra step shouldn't be a big deal. Turn it into a form of forplay or something. But it really does help...

Test the theory out, rub lubricant on your hands, as if you would hand lotion or something, let it get to that tacky stage, and then put water on it, you'll see what I mean.

Hope this helps. I know for me, at almost 28, i'm not willing to give up a fufilling sex life. So I had to figure out what works and what doesn't.