This is a tough one. Must be completely frustrating to prove to your wife that you want to change and make things work while you are separated, especially when every time you meet it ends in a fight. She probably doesn't want to try counselling because in her mind she already feels it's over and counselling isn't going to make her love you again. It may be worth reading this book - venus and mars, together forever by john grey. My husband bought it and read it when we were having difficulties and i, like your wife, was ready to give up because I thought nothing could possibly change. I wouldn't say it's totally rescued our relationship and everything is rosey again but at least we understand each other better and are able to communicate with each other without getting in to fights all the time. Might be worth a read before next time you see her so at least she can see you are able to listen to her properly and let her say what's on her mind without you getting annoyed at her and it all spiralling out of control again. Having said that, she has told you on numerous occasions she doesn't love you. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't love you the way that you love her? You deserve to be with someone who really appreciates you and makes you feel special.

You know, love takes two. There is love going to the other person, and love coming back. When this happens, you grow together. Sometimes, there is a detour in our lives which causes that love to not get to you, but you still keep sending your love out and not getting anything back. Frustrated. I hope so, that is the way it works.

With that said, if you love your girl, but she is not loving you back, it is only natural to try to do anything you can to get her back. Your frustration level gets elevated. You get into fights. You part angry. But bottomline you still love her. She doesn't love you.

A few questions come to mind,
is she seeing someone else?
Are you trying to get her to love you again as you were before?
Is there just a problem with communication between the two of you?
Are you both willing to seek help to save what you have?

If she is seeing someone else, your chances of getting it back together again is not good.

If you are trying to get her back to the stage it was before, that will never happen bacause that may be part of the problem to begin with.

Do you two talk about anything and everything? I mean down to the last minute problem that concerns you. Open and honest communication. If this is not a part of your everyday life, the marriage really was a 4 year partnership.

If you are both ready to seek help together, this signifies two things. First, she is willing to try to keep what could be a marriage. Second, if she is not willing to try, I think there is no way you will be able to patch things up.

My opinion. Anyone else willing to pitch in on this?

Sorry buddy. My heart goes out to you. I have been there, and I worked through it and survived. Let me know how things work out.

Thanks for both of your words. I am going to buy that book tomorrow.

It is great to know there are people out there willing to help you. I do not think it will work out, but I want to try my hardest. I am now in therapy for myself to see if I can learn to cope.

I have been trying to cope with the situation and am having no luck. My wife was away in europe for a week and when she came back we spent an amazing day together in which she told me she though she had feelings for me again and it may work out in a bout three months, but we would have to get marriage counseling before that happened. However, the next day she told me it was just because she was home sick and that I was paying attention to here. I do not know what to do. I want her so bad and she keeps on sending me all kinds of mixed emotions. Please help.

You know confused, hot and cold running water produces only luke warm results. If she is on one night and cold the next morning, there is definitely something wrong. See counseling as soon as possible.

The sooner you got to the bottom of this, right or wrong, at least you will be able to carry on with you life. Go, even if it is alone. Best if both of you went.

I wish you luck my friend, stay in touch and let me know how things go.
Tony

My wife has told me in the last two weeks that she wants to try and make things work. We have been working on things just the two of us and going to counceling individually. This last weekend was her birthday and we had a lot of great times from friday night through tuesday. However, last night we had a fight. It blew up bad and I did not let her go to sleep because I wanted to resolve it there because the next time we were to talk was sunday. She now is telling me that the fight was devistating and to just leave her alone. She does not know if she wants to make it work anymore. She tells me since she wants the seperation it is her needs that should be fulilled and not mine, therefore if I tell her how I feel and what I need than that is not to be delt with at this time because she is the one who needed the seperation. I really do not know waht to do. I love her and do not want to live my life without her. I want to give her space and respect her wishes, but I am getting tired of this rollercoaster ride I am on. Five good days does not matter because of one fight. Please help. What should I do. I want to send her an email telling her how I feel, but she said no contact.

I know you love her but forget it.Keep going to counciling and make yourself better.She is being very selfish right now and you know,its not only her needs that matter right now,its both your needsd.She thinks she has the right to say and do that but she doesn't.She needs help and you do too due to the way she is treating you.I would let her go. . .Give her a divorce cause all she's doing is yanking your chain