Could Use Help With How to Handle Borderline Daughter-in-law Posted: 04-10-06 14:18pm
My son married a girl who, by his own
description, is possibly suffering from
(with) borderline personality disorder.
He says that he walks on eggshells all of
the time around her.
Her relationship with me has been bad,
although never to my face and I hate that,
because family means a lot to me and I
want things to be ok enough that no one
suffers.
I don't know why she decided that I was
"evil". It started when they were dating.
I can only feel that it was some jealousy
over my good relationship with my son.
I am looking for someone who might have
experience with this type of behavior or a
severe daughter-in-law issue that could
help me try to figure out what I can do to
keep the family in communication (notice I
didn't say together--i don't think i'll
ever be able to have that)
right now she is refusing to let me see my
4month old grandson because of how I
talked to my mother (90, alzheimer's) when
trying to get her to take her pills for
the nurse 2 months ago. Everyone who
knows my relationship with my mother
considers me to go above and beyond with
her. I've seen the baby, my son and her
once when they came to visit after that
and she acted like everything was just
fine and even reached out and hugged me as
they left.
I don't care if this stays public or goes
to a private message..I will certainly
write more if I get any responses and ask
for suggestions, but didn't want to write
a book if there is no interest.
Thanks to anyone who replies!
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 04-11-06 07:35am
Odds are the relationship between your son
and daughter-in-law will crash at some
point. If I were you, i'd be switzerland
and stay neutral, but express your wishes
to help out, ie, financial support,
babysitting, emotional support. If they
don't bite, there's not much you can do
about it. Hopefully you can at least
maintain good relations with your son and
when the time comes be there for him and
your grandson. Nobody can walk on
eggshells forever, and this will wear on
everyone. Trust me i've seen it before
and it always ends badly....Just be there
for your loved ones....Might want to stock
up on proof and get a little legally
minded. Not that i'm against the mom, she
needs help, but if she refuses it....My
concern is for the little one. And it's
just not right to keep children from the
grandparents.....They have alot to
offer...And using them to prove a point or
to get back at someone is just plain
wrong. :)
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danceoffaith38
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Apr 2006 Posts: 2
Posted: 04-12-06 09:16am
Spirit,
thank you so much for your reply. I keep
wondering if the marriage will
last...Unfortunately, my son wrote me a
note shortly after his marriage 3 years
ago telling me he'd made a big mistake,
but that that he'd made that choice and he
would stick by it. I'm afraid the sense
of responsibility I raised him with is
going to become a burden in the end.
I always wonder if I should confront my
daughter-in-law. To ask her to put aside
her feelings for me for the sake of my son
and their children. Can you do this with
someone who is bpd? By the way, are
there any web sites where I could get more
info on dealing with someone like this?
Also, could you clarify for me what you
mean by getting proof? What kind of legal
proceedings would involve a grandmother?
I'll all for getting documentation for
something that might bite me later.
Anyone else out there with more to offer
on this painful (almost disabling for me)
topic?
