I thought everyone might get a kick out of these:

~my wife is pregnant~
a man speaks frantically into the phone, "my wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"no, you fool!" the man shouts. "this is her *husband*!"


~we have new babies~
for weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
tommy burst into tears and confessed, "i think mommy ate it!"


~delivering a baby~
a country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.

"hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "he shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

this is one is not pregnancy related...But funny anyway:

~too much speeding~
a police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down main street.

"but, officer," the man began, "i can explain"
"just be quiet," snapped the officer. "i'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"but, officer, I just wanted to say"
"and I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
a few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "i'm the groom."