well have you seen a doctor ..And talked to them about your rape...So mentally they can help you...Not meaning that in a rude way...Its just that rape is a horrible thing that can mess with your brain..So if you havent seeked medical attention then I think that would be a good start...Im really sorry these things are happening hopefully one day you'll be able to forget..And be able to live you life like you should..

Can u talk to ur bf about this? Tell him how u feel. Explain the situation, even if u dont tell him about the rape. If u tell him u have jus had bad experiences, also, make sure he is the one for you.. Dont just do it to make him happy. I mean I have never been in ur situation before. Have u been for counsling? Jus to talk might help u.

It hurts for awhile, im not usually open bout my sex life but same thing happened with me and I would actually cry during sex would never enjoy it etc, I just stopped having sex altogether for a year cause it was just a horrible expierence. When I met hubby I refused to even kiss him (kissing leads to sex) I just wanted to be comforted without being touched in that way by any man, anyways it got to a point where I wanted to have sex with him but mentally I couldnt so we sat down and talked. I never told anyone what I felt about and he was more than understanding I still refused to do the deed and eventually it got to a point he was willing to leave me because we both had mutaul feelings but I couldn't surpass my mental block. I went out and had a few drinks to relax and it just happened and since then its only gotten better, he my husband and I have never hid anything from him as much as he angers me off somedays!!


Jess

To all yes i've spoken to counselors it's never really helped. And I have told my bf, I wanted to be honest with him and I really do feel close to him. He knows about all of my sexual experiences but as i've said before he's still a virgin and is excited to often. It annoys me most of the time because he just doesnt want to snuggle or just kiss he wants it all right away. I guess it confuses me the most because i've never been in this kind of relationship before.

I understand where you are coming from I was raped when I was younger and it is very traumatic experience but you can and will get through it. It just takes time and just explain to him that having sex is very difficult for you right now and that you just need some emotinal support. Hopefully he can be patient and understand.

How old are you and your bf? (if you don't mind me asking)

Thank you for your support. I'm seventeen and my boyfriend is sixteen.

Do not do anything you dont wanna do.. I know wat it feels like to be raped.. And after it I had major trust issues with boys... And ut just been broken again and made worse recently I guess but.. If you ever want to talk you can always pm me.. But do not do anything you do not want to.... It is yur choice.. So dont be forced

okay...17 is certainly not too young. So here's the thing. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and you should never feel cold or not there. The only time i've ever come close is when my fiance was desperate for it and I wasn't into it. Do you feel attracted to your boyfriend? If so...Then do you not get excited when kissing or 'making out'? (you do not actually need to answer these if you're not comfortable...I'm just asking you to ask yourself these things). If a woman is comfortable and attracted to a man and feels safe...Then sex comes pretty naturally and arousal should be easy. Try taking your time at first. If you find oral degrading and it doesn't turn you on (some women just hate it no matter what), then try just touching and rubbing to work each other up. Next time try doing it with less clothing and slowly work your way up to having sex. If you ever feel uncertain...Just stop...And try again next time. Eventually you will begin to feel safer and more comfortable with your boyfriend 'cause you'll finally feel like you have the control to stop it at any time. You should never 'just give in' to pressure...Make sure that you 'want' it too! :)

rape can be very traumatic. I was sexually harassed when I was a young child. My stepfather used to sit outside my partially opened door and masturbate (this is just one of many things that he did). And all the while he'd be saying all kinds of perverted things to me and inviting me to go watch him. Yeah...I know...V.E.R.Y sick!! When I grew up and began to have sexual relationships with guys (like 15 years old)...I couldn't hear heavy breathing without being reminded of the abuse when I was little. It took me a while to get over that. But...At 17 I found an amazing man and fell in love. Sex has always been great with him and i've been with him ever since (9 years). I know from experience that you have to feel safe, comfortable and loved to really enjoy sex!

I hope all works out.

Best of luck to you!

Melanie :)

~~oh! Forgot to mention. About the pain...It's more than likely because you are not aroused and therefore you are not likely to be very wet 'down there'. When properly turned on...The penis should slide in fairly easy. If not...The try using lubricants. I find they work great.
Also if it's not from being dry...Then talk to your doc about this as it could be many things (including endometriosis...Which I myself have). Sex should .N.E.V.E.R be painful!

Omfg melanie that really upset me. What a sick freak! =/

Yeah...It's sad. But...I spoke to a counsellor and dealt with it all years ago. Of course...It was hell dealing with it when I was so young...But now, years later, it's just one more thing that i've had to deal with. I've had a pretty sh!Tty life. But...What hasn't killed me...Has only made me stronger. Thank .God for counsellors and a very loving and supportive older brother. Now...I'm probably one of the most optimistic and upbeat people you'd ever meet. Maybe it 'cause i've lived through my own hell...And now...Things can only keep getting better. :)

Wow that's really awesome, i'm glad everythings good now :d

i'm surprised your brother didn't hurt him :p that just made me sick when I read it, I can't believe what kind of sick people are out there.

Yeah...My brother would have .L.O.V.E.D to...But...We were really young. I was 12 when this all started and I told my brother and mom about a year later. I was just sooo scared. My step father was a drunk and he threatened to kill my mom before and was physically abusive with her...So...I didn't want to tell her right away...'cause I was afraid of what he would do if she confronted him...And I knew she would. My brother was only a year older and the one time he tried to protect my mother...He ended up in a corner. He's spent most of his life taking martial arts and working out so if the opportunity ever came...He would be ready. Lol! He also spent a lot of time in therapy 'cause he's never gotten over the fact that he could do nothing to protect me or my mother.

Thanks for reading my complaints and worries. It's good to know someone else that has gone through a rape or any type of sexual assualt.

And it's not that I dont get aroused it just that after or during sex I feel so detached. Mostly I wait for the guy to be finished. Over the years I guess i've just taught myself to hate sex altogether. As i've said before my bf is a virgin and has only made out before, and i'm not a very good teacher because I really dont know what to do myself. Sex for me has been the simple thing of just kissing spreading my legs and wait until they are done. I suppose this goes back to my rape. I was only ten and just wondering what sex was when I was given to the man he touched me everywhere and I just stood there and cried I didnt know what else to do. When he was actually in the act I couldnt bring myself to fight back I just let him do it. Afterwards I guess I was all cried out and just lay there waiting until my aunt came in and took me home.

Usually when my boyfriend and I are kissing I feel rushed and I pull away or I move away from him, because I dont want to ruin what I have with him.

As a last note i've spoken with my doctor about it but again i'm only seventeen and my mother feels she has to be in the room with me so i've never been able to ask him flat out.

Thanks

-chelle

you know...It's sad...But when I was a teenager almost every one of my fellow female friends had been sexually assaulted by a male relative or family friend in some way or another. It's just terrible how often these things actually do occur. It's just that usually people don't talk about it.




thats just it!!...You shouldn't ever allow that to happen again! Why have sex if you don't actually 'want' it? It's your body and you have the right to say no for any reason you choose! You should never feel like you are just waiting for him to finish! You are setting yourself up to feel worthless and used. If he .R.E.A.L.L.Y cares about you...He'll wait. Besides...1 month is a very short period of time to be in a relationship. I think you need time to be able to build up trust and comfort with each other. Even with my guy...I made him wait 2 months before I was comfortable in taking our relationship to that level (even thats pretty soon for some women). I wanted to be sure he was going to be around for a while and not just sleep with me and break my heart.



again...If he really cares about you...He should be willing to wait. Problem is...He's 16 and his hormones are probably going crazy...So sex will almost always be on his mind. Don't let that pressure you. You obviously like this guy...But you should never let any relationship be more important to you than your own emotional health. Besides...If he's a virgin...What's a few more months?? I got around all that pretty easily...My guy was 26 when I met him so he was willing to wait and hormones weren't raging in the same way. :)

on a last note...I am truly very sorry to hear what you had to go through at such a young age. I really truly hope you'll one day be where I am and be able to look back with strength knowing that you are no longer that same little girl. You have a voice now...And the ability to fight back and conquer your fears.

All the best,
melanie

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