Depression Forum - Can Some One Please Give Me Some Insight?

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Q: Can Some One Please Give Me Some Insight?

asked by: christa84 on April 7th, 2006

Experienced User

I've had chronic depression and anxiety since I was around 7yrs old (i'm 22 now). Most of the time I can manage it on my own as well as the eating disorders I used to have.

Then in a freak accident at work a horse spooked and ran into my face, resulting in a concussion, spinal injury, deviated septum and a possible broken nose. This happened over 2mos ago, and at first I could handle it okay, but then as the weeks go on it gets harder and harder for me to keep it together. The neurologist says I have post concussion syndrome so I still get the dizziness, migraines etc from the head trauma.

The thing that is really bothering me is the appearance of my nose, it's not major, but it is there, and since this is a workers comp case they try to write me off asap. The walk in clinic I had to go to the day of incident didn't care. I just feel so helpless. I mean I had a hard enough time keeping myself level mentally before, and now i'm stressed about all this stuff and sometimes I just feel so over whelmed that I want to hit or scratch myself for some release of the feelings. Now I sound crazy :(

since my head injury i've contemplated suicide many times, I feel helpless and worthless and since i'm not allowed to drive I pretty much don't have a life anymore. And as stupid as it is I hate my nose now and that really upsets me.

I hate these feelings and I hate the way they make me want to act/do things that a "normal" person would never do. :(

i hope someone replies to this..

Replies(14)

Spirit

replied on April 8th, 2006

Experienced User

You may think you can handle it on your own christa, but there's times when a professional comes in handy. This person is there to help direct you and get to your really feelings. With all the troubles you currently have, I doubt fixing your nose is the total solution. Look deeper and don't be scared to reach out for help. :)

christa84

replied on April 8th, 2006

Experienced User

Thanks for replying, I didn't mention that my neurologist had referred me to a psychiatrist for the overwhelming feelings I was having. My workers comp set it up and they were understanding about it. However, the dr that they sent me to seemed to think it was his job to prove I was a liar, and acted like everything I told him was made up. He acted like I was trying to self diagnose myself, when I never did, and I ended up leaving his office in tears feeling 10 times worse. It's not that I think it will fix everything getting my nose fixed, but at least when I used to feel like crap about myself as a person, and my body, I could say oh well, at least I have a decent looking face. Now I don't even have that. To top it off, my meds make me gain weight, so more and more I want to hop back into the .E.D. Habits. :\

the neurologist has me on muscle relaxants, migraine meds etc, and 50mg of elavil, it perked me up abit after the first 2wks, but now it doesn't do much other than help me fall asleep at night.

It's not like I was all rainbows and smiles before, since every relationship i've had w/ a guy, other than my dad, has been abusive. I had next to no self esteem already, I don't understand why .God would do this to me when .He knew I was already struggling to be "normal" or at least appear normal to everyone else. :(

Spirit

replied on April 9th, 2006

Experienced User

Don't get the psychiatrist through comp, big boo boo, they have their own hidden agenda...As you found out. Seek one on your own, one who you can relate to...And get comp to pay for them.

Your right about the nose....Every little thing that makes us feel good about ourselves should be considered. If your laid up for the time being consider surrounding yourself with things that make you feel good about yourself.....At one of my low points I made a "wish poster", cut pics from mags, things I really wanted....House, credit card, job, man, serenity etc., looked at it every day...To inspire me.....And I got everything on that poster...Save peace of mind and serenity...Working on those.

Meds aren't the only solution, also consider doing a total round about concerning nutrition, eat properly and try out supplements.

Since you have a lousy track record for picking men, also consider letting someone you trust pick one for you.....But really you should probably be more concerned, at this moment, at least in repairing yourself. :)

tony3595

replied on April 9th, 2006

Experienced User

Christa, I have to admit spirit gies some very healthy advise. I sought professional help before when I was in an abusive marriage. It took me a few visits to different ones to finally find one who I could be comfortable and honest with.
Self-esteem? I had none. She drained it all from me. I took advise, like spirit gave by surrounding yourself with what makes you feel good. The more good you have with you, the better you feel. I carried a picture of my children who always made me feel good. One of my co-workers had a picture of his cat. Anything that works for you.
The main thing to remember is that you are a great person and have people around that care very much about you. I have a big nose as a result of an accident, but I love my nose because it is a part of me. It took me a long time to realize, I come in one package, nose and all.
Please keep us informed of how things are going. Like I said, there are people who care.

christa84

replied on April 9th, 2006

Experienced User

Thanks to the both of you for the advice, I really do appreciate it.

I made a point of taking care of myself yesterday (showering,getting dressed other than just pjs, etc) since I noticed that I really haven't felt like putting any effort into me.. I felt kind of better after that. I think maybe if I make more of an effort to put myself together and have my friend (who I haven't seen in over a month) drive me to get coffee, or just getting out of the house I might feel like I have more of a purpose. Or at least i'm hoping that will do the job :-p

thanks again,

christa

tony3595

replied on April 10th, 2006

Experienced User

Christa, this is the first step to getting better. Congratulations! Have you gone out yet? How did it go? Getting ready and dressed and getting out is great.

quicksilver024

replied on April 10th, 2006

New User

Yeah, after having depression on and off for so long, I found getting out was one of the only ways to make sure I didnt just mope around all day. Even if I leave my house to go two block away to get a coffee, I feel 10x better.

If I dont do that, I end up not getting dressed, not really waking up and not realizing that everyone else in town is out getting things done. Which leads to me doing absolutely nothing all day.

Getting out, even for 5 minutes can be a great way to get moving and personally I think it should be part of the treatment process in most cases.

tony3595

replied on April 10th, 2006

Experienced User

When I feel down and out, I get in the shower, get dressed, and get out. It seems like a little walk like quicksiler said puts me in a better mood. I use my imagination to create someone in my mind that I have always wanted to be, like a famous artist out for a stroll to use in my next creation.

I know that reality has to set in at some point, but during those few minutes or hours, I have a purpose and I have a focus point, not on my depression or anxiety. I feel good about myself for that amount of time.

When reality does come back, I find it easier to look at what is facing me with a better frame of mind. If I don't, I try it again until I do.

I am not running away from the reason for my dpression, I am trying to be able to face it in a better viewpoint.

Let's keep talking.

christa84

replied on April 10th, 2006

Experienced User

tony3595 wrote:

christa, this is the first step to getting better. Congratulations! Have you gone out yet? How did it go? Getting ready and dressed and getting out is great.

yeah, I got out for a bit, i'm not supposed to drive right now, but my friend was busy w/ her bf, and my bf was busy with his friends, so I was like screw it. I just stopped by the atm, went to the gas station, and stopped by the pharmacy. It wasn't much, but it made me feel abit better inside, even though I had a raging migraine that didn't start until I got back home. At least I felt like I had accomplished something, with out having to depend on people like i've had to for the past 2mos. There have been times in that time span where I hadn't been out of the house in 2wks.

I think i'm going to try to have coffee with my friend today. I think that would make me feel more human than just stopping by at places and not really talking to anyone.

christa84

replied on April 10th, 2006

Experienced User

quicksilver024 wrote:

yeah, after having depression on and off for so long, I found getting out was one of the only ways to make sure I didnt just mope around all day. Even if I leave my house to go two block away to get a coffee, I feel 10x better.

If I dont do that, I end up not getting dressed, not really waking up and not realizing that everyone else in town is out getting things done. Which leads to me doing absolutely nothing all day.

Getting out, even for 5 minutes can be a great way to get moving and personally I think it should be part of the treatment process in most cases.

last time I was seeing a doctor for depression and anxiety all he really did was medicate me, he had me on welbutrin xl 2x daily, and zoloft. I was embarassed about seeing one, mainly because he was seeing me probono.. So I was like "great, I must really be screwed up if he's giving me free meds and appointments". That and I felt like I must be a "weak" person for needed medication, my person of an exhusband drilled that into my head.

Actually, I should be getting ready right now instead of sitting here infront of the computer :-p

well, I hope everyones having a semi productive day today, or at least feeling a bit better.

<3

christa

no dice

replied on April 10th, 2006

New User

Wateva

[message removed]

christa84

replied on April 10th, 2006

Experienced User

Re: Wateva

no dice wrote:

[message removed]

wow.. You are one/or many messed up individual/s.

tony3595

replied on April 10th, 2006

Experienced User

Christa, you know there are people out there that only care about themselves, and think the world revolves around them. Well, my dear, thank the dear lord that they only appear once in a while.

You are making progress. Every step that is taken is a giant step toward success. Just be careful not only endangering yourself, but the safety of others. It all worked out well, though.

Your relationship with your husband is a little interesting and a little concerning. He makes fun of you and feels any type of help is a waste of time and money? He degrades you for your feelings? I'm just interested to know who does give you support to help you? I think I am in augh. My mouth just hit the desk.

If you want to protect him for yourself, fine. I understand. I do not want to pry, but if you want to talk anything specific, let me know.

christa84

replied on April 10th, 2006

Experienced User

tony3595 wrote:

your relationship with your husband is a little interesting and a little concerning. He makes fun of you and feels any type of help is a waste of time and money? He degrades you for your feelings? I'm just interested to know who does give you support to help you? I think I am in augh. My mouth just hit the desk.

If you want to protect him for yourself, fine. I understand. I do not want to pry, but if you want to talk anything specific, let me know.

the driving was kind of difficult for me, but I was very cautious. If it weren't for the fact I can put down the top of my car (no blind spots), I wouldn't have attempted it.

I left my husband over 4yrs ago, his impact unfortunately, on my mind hasn't gone away. He was abusive in every sense of the word. For the year and a half that I lived with him it was pretty much a living hell. I don't mind telling the details there, if you want to know, pm me. I don't want to make myself canon fodder for a jerk like no dice.

My current bf didn't really help any in getting over that, but I guess that's my own fault for thinking I could trust someone new.

Basically, since I was 15 my life has been retarded enough to be compared to a soap opera. Haha.

Anyways if you want to know anything feel free to pm me about it. I am an open book.

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