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I Dont Know What to Do Anymore! (long)

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butterfly2006 Experienced User
April 7th, 2006
Hey.

This is my 2nd post on this site. Im 19 years old and I live in the uk. I really need some advice not jsut for me but my mate as well. I am trying to get her to post here so someone can give her some advice or help her out. Well for a start I will start about myself. I have had depression for nearly 3 years now and it keeps getting worse then better then worse again. I was raped the 2nd of march and I have been depressed since then. My family have been starting recently, ive had trouble with work, with my mum, with my mate (not her but shes getting depressed too). I was very low last night and I am tonight but not as much. I feel like doing something but I really dont want too because it will tear everyone apart. I have a little brother who is a year and I really love him to bits. I dont want to kill myself but I do, I have two people I really care about in my life and thats my brother and my best friend trisha. If she killed herself I would too because we are so close and I cannot live without her. I know I shouldnt talk about suicide but its the way im feeling right now.

Im seeing a counsellor at the moment, had my first session today and it helped a little bit but I just feel its someone to talk to and its not helping with my problems. I have tried to talk to the doctor about how I feel and whats been going on but she just sent me too see the counsellor. I have talked to my couisen about how I feel but nothing can make it better. I really dont know what to do anymore.

Could anyone help me?
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sammisa
replied April 7th, 2006
Experienced User
Re: I Dont Know What to Do Anymore! (long)
Has the doctor put you on any type of depression medicine, at this point, I think that is about the only thing that will take the edge off. Ya know what i'm saying? Prozac is one that doctors prescribe for depression.
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butterfly2006
replied April 7th, 2006
Experienced User
Yea im on pills. Im on steraline and they help but recently ive been very low and want to do something. My mates talking about killing herself tonight and I really dont want her too. Im scared.
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quicksilver024
replied April 7th, 2006
I would suggest getting different meds and seeking help. Remember you are not alone, please think about what suicide means. You dont really want to give up on life do you? This may very well be the only life you ever have. As i've always said to myself, if I ever feel truely suicidal I need to just start over, run away, whatever. I know some anomymous person on the internet really doesnt matter, but no one wants to see someone give up. I've been battling depression for many years now, you need to be vigilant, try to find small things to make you happy. What gets me up in the morning, is the beauty all around, the sky the trees, birds, the ocean, basically nature in its self. I can not imagine giving that all up, because someone did me harm in the past. Than they won, you cant let them win, youre better than this person that raped you, far better. I really do recommend seeing a doctor to try different medication, theyre all different just because one doesnt work doesnt mean they all wont work. I've been on 4 different meds over the years and finally settled on wellbutrin, though that doesnt mean itll work for you, but something will, dont give up. If you need someone to talk to, i'm here, I cant guarantee I always will be, but I will definetely try.

Goodluck to you, and please dont do anything stupid, nor let your mate do the same, it isnt worth it.

~silver
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sandyallen
replied April 7th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Please do not give up neither one of you! Look at what you would be doing to those that care about you! You are not alone! It takes time to get over something like this! We have what is called .E.M.D.R. Here in the states that has helped a lot of people with a lot of things such as rape,you might want to research it or talk to your psychiatrist about it.
Please give yourself sometime to heal taake these thoughts of suicide and forget them and try to help you mate, help each other!
Please keep us posted even though we are miles apart you are both in my thoughts!
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butterfly2006
replied April 8th, 2006
Experienced User
Hiya.

Thanks for the replies. I have been thinking about things recently nad I know my little brother and my best mate are the only ones that are keeping me going. As long as I have them I will be ok. My best mate is very sucidal at the moment and she did try and kill herself, of course I panicked because she means everything to me. She feels much better now and shes not letting the problems she has bug her. Im sticking by her 100%. I feel a bit low today but im ok.

Im going to try and get 2 see another doctor on monday if I can. I need some help. The counsellor did help me but we didnt go into a lot of things. It was my first session btw. I have recently lost a baby too which does hurt and people have been calling me a killer etc because of it. I have had enough. Im going to get my mate to post here because she really needs to talk to someone.

Butterfly x
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tony3595
replied April 9th, 2006
Experienced User
Butterfly, the advise you received from sandy was excellent. I was very disheartened by what had happened to you. Medications are there to help you to help yourself get back in control of things that got out of control and for no blame to yourself.
As far as professional help, use it and abuse it, but be certain is someone you can feel comfortable with and be honest to. The right one can do wonders oer time. This is the secret to getting mentally better, patience and love for yourself and for all those who care about you
aren't we all placed on this earth to help one another? Let those who care help and seek only those who care about you and you about them.
Just some thoughts. Keep in touch.
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sandyallen
replied April 9th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I sure hope you are both doing okay today, it will get better, we all have our bad days but think of those that have totally nothing, they survive and so can we, talk write things down, get a journal, get it out of your system, believe me it helps. I had a step-brother that tried to rape me one time, I could not tell any of my family until recently and this was when I was young, I kicked him in the you know whater's and ran like hell but the second time, iwas not so lucky, I could not run or kick him, that is why I say, I understand how you feel, it hurts lke hell not only physically but mentally but I got the help I needed and I was at the point where you are and I am okay with it now, they are the sick, weak one's, not us! Have you turnedthis in to the police department? I understand either way but I do hope to hear from you soon!
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butterfly2006
replied April 9th, 2006
Experienced User
Hiya.

Thanks for your advice. Im very low today. I feel like doing something. My mates ok now, she is getting help tomorrow which is good. I do write a diary about what happends, how I feel etc and it does help but hasnt recently.
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butterfly2006
replied April 11th, 2006
Experienced User
Hi everyone. I am really low again and I really feel like doing something. Can someone help me?
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tony3595
replied April 11th, 2006
Experienced User
What is causing you to feel this way? Doing what? Well what exactly are you thinking of doing? Can you go into detail on what you want to do? What you feel like doing?

We need to know why or what is setting you on your trip. Can you be more specific when you write? Just saying you are going to do something is not giving us anything to help you with.

Please be more specific.
Thanks
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butterfly2006
replied April 13th, 2006
Experienced User
Hi.

Thanks for replying. Im having trouble at work at the moment. Its getting me down really bad. Someone at work keeps threatning me with about what happend at work with this guy. He raped me. She knows him and keeps saying stuf about it all and shes gonna come and get me. Its really getting me down. Im low because of family too and just fed up with everything. Im scared about my best mate because she is low as well. Im in the middle of misscarryin, well I think I am but im not really sure whats going on.

I feel like killing myself. Overdosing myself or stabbing, I dunno something because I really dont want to be here anymore. I am really fed up and just want it to be over and me to be dead. I got a good mind of doing something tonight. I really want too. I need some help.
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Radray
replied February 6th, 2009
Why Now?
Its Time for you to seek out God and change your life forever.You need to see a counseler with your church and if you dont know of a church you need to find one.NOW! God has a better plan for you and you wont know what that plan is until you seek him out.This will change your life for the better and forever.Please do what I say it will help you tremendously.God loves you and wants to take away your pain,Seek him out now.
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mushrooms123
replied March 13th, 2010
too miss buttterfly.

either your imagining something thats not real or ya need more pills. tell your boss whats happening or leave and ya should dump your mate. you'll bring each other down. take a chill pill. you'll be fine.
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