I still function pretty well in society
but I am on a steady decline. I am 24
years old. I am married, have a house,
have a child. These things keep me going
but I am suffering and struggling very
badly inside. The "dream state" is how I
often live my days. I feel like I am 80
as well, no energy, etc. I am very
irritable. I react horribly to sounds as
well, anything from a ticking to chewing
will set me off in a heartbeat. I have a
daughter so that changes how deep I go
into this, but I wear myself so thin and
no one understands. My husband thinks I
am crazy. I have no support. I am just
looking for someone, anyone who can help
me talk through this. I have met some
great people so far who have recommended
books and things, but if anyone can relate
to this...I'm here to talk. We can help
eachother through this.
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tony3595
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 68 Location: IL
Posted: 04-09-06 13:41pm
Sarah, anxiety is something I have had all
my life. I can relate to the constant "on
the edge" feeling. I have learned to
handle it on my own. My first marriage
was the same as your situation, my wife
didn't want to hear about it and didn't
help at all.
I would suggest mentioning this to your
doctor for help without medication. That
to me is not the solution but a mask for
the problem itself. She/he might be able
to recommend professional help for you to
get to the bottom of why you have the
feelings you do.
I finally sound out what set me off and
learned to either avoid those
circumstances, or, if this was not
possible, deal with them mentally. I
hated to talk in front of people. My job
at the time threw me into having to do
this. I would literally get sick
everytime I had to give a presentation.
Through much help, I learned that people
came to hear me and what I had to say.
Through building my self-confidence and
self-esteam, I was able to get over this.
This may not be your exact problem, but it
was something I learned from prefessionals
and adapted it to my situation. You might
be able to find the same.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you.
Please keep us informed as how things are
going. If anything, get your husband
involved because this could be part of the
problem.
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drifter
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 24 Location: USA
Posted: 04-10-06 04:22am
Hi there
i'm 24, a student, going to graduate soon.
I'm struggling with a similar problem
right now - i've been in a somewhat
delirious state for a couple of weeks,
unable to sleep properly, contemplating
the meaning of life, having panic attacks,
etc.
I don't let this condition to take over
me, though it's rather bothersome, because
I have a prior experience of dealing with
depression/deprsonalization/anxiety.
I'm really sorry that you're not getting
the support and understanding from the
people you expect it the most from. I
myself have hidden my mental problems from
my parents, friends and employers for more
than ten years, but when it comes to a
spouse, I believe he should be your
primary support.
This may sound silly, as I have yet to
discover what truly mature and independent
(read "adult") life is all about, but I
think that for a person prone to these
conditions would be better to be around
someone who is the same. Try to explain
to your husband what this is like, even
though I doubt that an "uninitiated" one
would ever understand our pain *sigh* and,
if all else fails, and you continue being
called "crazy", maybe consider changing a
husband, and finding a guy who knows
exactly what you’re going through.
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tony3595
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 68 Location: IL
Posted: 04-10-06 04:53am
I am 58 years old, and you would figure
that someone that age should be able to
handle almost anything that comes along.
Well, this is not always the case. When
you have learned to live with and control
the anxiety in your life by seeking
someone who cares or listens, people make
the difference.
You both have some great times ahead in
your lives. Drifter, you have a new and
exciting time in your "real" world
experience. I might be able to help with
some advise, but most of all an ear to
listen and maybe some past experiences to
relate to. Sarahpam, you have great
things in store for you too. Your little
girl is one of the most prescious gifts,
and she will only be little for a short
while (even though it may seem like an
eternity sometimes). Seek support from
people who love you. If you can't think
of any, make it a mission to find them.
Use drifter, he offered and you can
accept.
We are all placed here on earth for one
major reason, to help each other. If we
cannot do that, there is no meaning to
being here. Let's use this as a first
step to a good life of no more anxiety and
stress.
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sarahpam99
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2006 Posts: 4
Thank You. Posted: 04-10-06 12:07pm
I would like to thank those of you who
have reached out to me. I realize from
some of your responses that my husband may
be causing me more pain than good and I
just am not sure what to do about that.
It's true, he tends to trigger my anxiety
more than not. I do not want a divorce
because I vowed to him before god and I
hate to break the family up. I love him
deeply and he is a very good man. When
it comes to this part of my life, he
doesn't understand and it frustrates him.
He doesn't think it's fair that I should
receive special treatment because "i can't
deal with anything". He just gets angry
at me all the time. When I am ok, we are
magnificent together. We are seeing a
counselor but he thinks that what they do
is just take peoples money and pretend to
care, when they really don't. I see it
as a way to communicate with your spouse
without getting upset and having a 3rd
person really keeps it under control. I
guess, I don't know how to get support
from him.
He always tells me how he understands the
feelings that happen to me, but he just
deals with them and why can't i? I tell
him it's like a hundred times worse than
the it should be. He just laughs, calls
me names when he is angry. It kills me
inside because I feel as if I am at fault
and I should be able to control this. I
am just rambling. Thanks again for your
support. Have a great monday!!!
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tony3595
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 68 Location: IL
Posted: 04-10-06 22:38pm
My dear girl, listen to yourself and hear
what you are saying. Re-read what you
had just said. Rambling or not. Think
about what you are telling us.
1. He tends to trigger my anxiety more
than not.
2. When it comes to this part of my
life, he doesn't understand and it
frustrates him.
3. He doesn't think it's fair that I
should receive special treatment because
"i can't deal with anything".
4. We are seeing a counselor but he
thinks that what they do is just take
peoples money and pretend to care, when
they really don't.
5. He just laughs, calls me names when
he is angry.
I lived for 24 years in a marriage that
started out the same as you had just
described thinking that:
1. It will get better.
2. I took a vow in front of our dear
lord and nothing would come between us.
Let me explain the "rest of the story", if
you are intersted. It didn't get better.
Yes we had some great times when things
were good, but in retrospect things were
good when I was in agreement with her.
After, I felt I was lying to myself and
thinking it would be better.
We raised three of the most fantastic kids
in the world. However, I also realized
that life is not about my children, it was
not about my vow to my lord, and it was
not about trying to keep a marriage
together for someone else.
It got to a point where it was a point of
either throwing out my beliefs or living
in my sorrow for the rest of my life.
Life is too short to life a miserable
life. I left my home after a huge
confrontation. It was a beautiful home
of 3300 sq. Ft., inground pool, three
car garage, half acre of land, etc. I
moved into a one bedroom, furnished
apartment, small enough to fit into the
master bedroom of the house I left. I
spent weeks feeling sorry for everyone,
but I kept praying for help.
One morning, I woke up. I had a smile on
my face that would not leave. It finally
hit home. I was free to do whatever I
wanted with my life. I didn't have to
listen to the name calling (i could just
hang up the phone); I could worship my
dear lord freely (this was the biggest
thing of all); I could talk to whoever I
wanted to for help and not have to worry
about being made fun of for my "weakness"
(i actually found out I was a man again,
if you know what I mean).
Being dead serious, sarahpam, our lord
wants us to be happy in life. He is the
source of our happiness. He will forgive
us our vows if it means saving our lives
and our minds. He wants us to be with
him for eternity. This season for the
christian faith is the most meaningful
season of the year. It is the time when
we were forgiven of our sins and given
eternal life as our personal gift from
him.
Let me know what your thoughts are about
what I had said. Sarahpam, be happy with
who you are, because you are great. Be
satisfied knowing that there are many of
us who would like to read the words, some
day, I am happy with who I am.
This in itself would be the best easter
gift ever. Please stay in touch. My
thoughts are with you always.
